The Tampa Bay Remainder Table - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
The Tampa Bay Remainder Table

It appears more and more like the Tampa Bay Rays are determined to dump Ben Zobrist, one of the most productive, versatile, and popular players in franchise history. For more prospects, one presumes. If Zobrist goes, he would follow in the tradition of fine players the Rays have developed but then were too poor to keep. (See David Price, James Shields, et al.)

If the Rays insist on ditching game-ready major leaguers for minor leaguers with their modest pay packets, truth in advertising requires a team name change. I hereby submit a few suggestions. Perhaps alert TAS readers have other possibilities they would be willing to share: (Try to keep it clean and above the belt, please.)

1. The Tampa Bay Prospects
2. The Tampa Bay Remnants
3. The Tampa Bay Encore Store
4. The Tampa Bay Remainder Table
5. The Tampa Bay Dollar Store
6. The Tampa Bay Apprentices
7. The Tampa Bay Junior Varsity
8. The Tampa Bay Auxiliaries
9. The Tampa Bay Chapter 11s
10. The Tampa Bay Bushers

And the American League needs to work out some kind of associate or auxiliary membership for the Rays, lest the casual sports fan suppose the Rays are a real major league franchise. The official team song should be “Brother Can You Spare a Dime.”

If, as he has hinted, Rays team owner Stu Sternberg thinks his numbers would work out better in Montreal, then I say Au Reservoir, Cher. Start packing the gear in the clubhouse now. I’d be willing to drive the team bus to Montreal. For minimum wage, of course.

Larry Thornberry
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Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.
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