Joke’s Over: We Should All Be Using ‘Woke Alerts’ - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Joke’s Over: We Should All Be Using ‘Woke Alerts’

I love the smell of bankrupt woke corporations in the morning. In war, you have to act like you’re at war. I never used to participate in mass campaigns or boycotts against companies. It’s not that I thought it was a bad idea, it’s just that the idea of forming part of a mass, even if the mass is heading in the right direction, gives me skin rashes, loss of appetite, and tremendous drowsiness. Maybe it’s just that I’ve read too much H. L. Mencken. I am unrepentant.

Be it as it may, I have changed. I was acting under normal circumstances, in fair play. I prefer fighting for what is mine in a way that does not involve joining a bunch of angry people. But there hasn’t been a single fair-playing leftist here since Eve, Adam’s wife. That’s why it’s not called a “cultural debate” or “exchange of cultural views,” but rather a cultural battle or culture war. And in war, there must be casualties; no, I don’t want to kill anyone, I find it much more fun to watch them take a plunge on the stock market.

I think the “Woke Alerts” initiative is wonderful, a notification system that informs consumers when a brand radically surrenders to the woke agenda. The truth is that we have been accustomed to buying things from brands that, objectively, we could trade for others without it mattering in the slightest for way too long. But even if giving up Anheuser-Busch could result in me drinking goddamn cat piss, I would do it happily, and I would endure the pain, like one of many battle scars. Only with that belligerent attitude will we succeed in stopping all this bloody madness. Only with that belligerent attitude will we succeed in getting the idiots to stop taking us for idiots. They have left us no choice.

This reminds me that Uber pays for employees to get an abortion. Catch an Uber, cofinance an abortion. I don’t know about you, but as far as I’m concerned: screw that mode of transportation, I’d rather ride a camel. More? Levi’s, the denim brand, was once a big American fashion icon world over. Remember? Then visit Woke Washed Levis and buy yourself some pants that don’t come from a dirty old factory. State Farm Insurance? Visit Like a Creepy Neighbor and be amazed at how the company targets your 5-year-old to teach them how to be transgender. After vomiting, switch insurers. Because of the complaints, State Farm has broken its agreement with the LGBTQ group that launched that initiative, and that was a success case for these types of complaint platforms. But, as to whether I would buy insurance from there again… I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself. Personally, I applaud rectifications, but I won’t reward them.

BlackRock, Coca-Cola, Nike, American Airlines, Ticketmaster, MLB, and American Express, among others, have been left with their asses in the air thanks to the Woke Alerts initiative, which still has many shortcomings. It will be grand when we all start using their complaint form to expose the dozens of corporations and multinationals that have given up what businessmen used to do and have dedicated themselves to converting you to wokeism without even making their product more accessible in exchange for your soul and the souls of your loved ones.

The great novelty of the war we are fighting is not that governments support pernicious ideas. That’s a given. What is new is that companies — without being government-owned — are supporting the same harmful ideas that are tearing the West apart and dividing our nations more than ever.

Some will say that it is unfair to judge the quality of a sneaker brand by a horrible ad. Everyone can make mistakes. First of all, I have the right to be wrong too and switch brands. Second, I don’t want to have the best sneakers if, in a manner of speaking, they arrive with blood on them. And thirdly, something that is not very original comes to mind, something my mother already said before the first Woke Apostle was born: “Don’t do it, and don’t be afraid of it.”

Get Woke, Go Broke. Heavenly music to conservative and freedom-loving ears.

Itxu Díaz
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Itxu Díaz is a Spanish journalist, political satirist, and author. He has written 10 books on topics as diverse as politics, music, and smart appliances. He is a contributor to The Daily Beast, The Daily Caller, National Review, American Conservative, and Diario Las Américas in the United States, as well as a columnist at several Spanish magazines and newspapers. He was also an adviser to the Ministry for Education, Culture, and Sports in Spain.
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