Don’t Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Larry Thornberry
by
Standing room only (YouTube screenshot)

What if you gave a baseball season and nobody came? That appears to be what’s on tap for next month. By now news has surely reached informed readers that there will be a Major League Baseball season, of sorts, to begin in late July. Sixty games to be played in fan-free stadiums.

Well, I guess it will be baseball. But what a strange variety of it. No one to cheer clutch plays or hits. No audible groans when a guy making a million dollars an hour takes a third strike in the ninth with the tying run in scoring position. No one to boo the umpires. Perhaps MLB will take a page from TV sitcoms that have used laugh tracks for decades, likely out of fear that in their absence viewers might not be able to determine what is supposed to be funny. Canned crowd noise?

Many American Spectator regulars will recall that in 2008, some of his own supporters described Al Gore as “a man-like creature.” This baseball-like product may well test my loyalty and enthusiasm for the Grand Old Game, which has been rock solid, man and boy, since the biggest threats for the AL and NL batting titles each year were Ted Williams and Stan Musial. I’ll tune in when this gets started. But how long will I stay?

In addition to no fans in the stands, there are to be a host of other exotic restrictions designed to protect the health of players in this plague summer. Including no spitting. NO SPITTING! There may be no crying in baseball, but there’s a hell of a lot of spitting. It’s a wonder players aren’t dehydrated after games. Good luck with this. May as well try to prohibit waves from hitting the shore.

Larry Thornberry
Larry Thornberry
Follow Their Stories:
View More
Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.
o
Sign Up to receive Our Latest Updates! Register

Be a Free Market Loving Patriot. Subscribe Today!