It was impossible to escape today. Well past four, when I thought the swearing in was safely past (the swearing at begins now), I turned on the small television set on the elliptical machine I use at my gym and dialed up Fox News. Regretfully, I found the inauguration parade was still on. When the camera panned the box the Obamas were watching the parade from, our fearless leader and his eldest daughter were not watchng the parade, but instead were staring at their smart phones. (As it seems like at least a third of the population of the republic is doing at any given time — did we actually look at each other before these things came along?)

I can only think of two reasons for this peculiar and off-putting behavior: (1) a parade in Obama’s honor is not enough to engage his attention, or (2) if ya seen one marching band, ya seen em all.