Goodbye and Good Riddance, 2020

This year has been a whirlwind. Here are all the events you forgot about or would have liked to forget about.

The year 2020 is finally almost gone, and good riddance to it. It was a stinking dumpster fire of a year, a cheesy monster movie in which the monster didn’t take its cue to die. The Kung Flu pandemic, rioters coddled by Democrat governors and mayors, a record number of hurricanes and a presidential election we wish we could forget made 2020 a misery relieved occasionally by the usual tsunami of irony and political idiocy.
January
A U.S. drone strike blew Iran’s chief terrorist, Qassem Soleimani, into little bitty pieces. The funeral procession in Tehran featured masses of people shouting “death to America” while what was left of Soleimani was carried in the bed of a Chevy pickup. After Chris Matthews ranted that the death of Soleimani was like those of Elvis and Princess Diana, Iran announced that it would replace its state television channel with MSNBC.
Having just won the college football national championship, the LSU Tigers were celebrating their victory by smoking some good cigars. The stadium rent-a-cops told them that they’d be arrested if they didn’t toss the stogies.
The much more sensible Australians, while enduring terrible fires around their country, had their navy deliver essential cargoes to survivors and firefighters including dozens of kegs of beer.
In response to Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam’s outrageous gun control bills, 90 of Virginia’s 95 counties declared themselves “Second Amendment Sanctuaries.” West Virginia invited those counties to switch and become parts of its state. Unfortunately, none accepted the offer.
When the new U.S. Space Force designed its new logo and shoulder patch, it didn’t boldly go where no man had gone before. Neither Captain Kirk nor Commander Spock complained about the obvious copyright infringement.

February
Rep. Alexandria Cutie-Cortez said that in order to avoid the coronavirus, people needed to avoid drinking Corona beer. New York City restauranteurs had to assure Iowa tourists that neither eating Chinese food nor ...