Nu, So Who Loses Out in Cancel Culture and Woke Math? | The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Nu, So Who Loses Out in Cancel Culture and Woke Math?
Dov Fischer
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I keep coming back to my fundamental belief that every single Leftist–Progressive–Liberal craziness and “innovation” that the Biden–Pelosi–Sanders–Ocasio Democrats advance will redound to my benefit, the benefit of my kids and of my kids’ kids, and the benefits of my like-minded conservative readers and of my readers’ future generations. In America it always ends up working out that way, no matter what the moment seems to augur.

If the radical Intersectionalist Left Democrats want to make mathematics “woke” and “bias-free” with their crazy-left movement to stop forcing kids to believe that eight and six equals 14, I and my generations and yours will benefit. Because, until the Righteous True Messiah comes — may he arrive speedily in our days! — 8 plus 6 always will equal 14, just as there always will be two — and only two — genders: male and female. Horses know it. Cats know it. And the electric plugs they sell at appliance stores know it. And thus it will in Messianic times, too. Amen — and not A-woman.

So if Ocasio wants her kid to grow up saying, “I don’t know how much eight plus six equals — and I don’t care,” then my grandkids will get the great job that her kid initially but unsuccessfully interviewed for. And her kid will be serving my grandchildren drinks. And I will leave it to my grandchildren to calculate her kid’s tip, whether 5 percent or 10 or 15 or 18 percent. Because her kids won’t know the difference.

Go ahead and change a generation’s grasp of mathematics. Teach them that adding and subtracting is all a bunch of White Male Privilege garbage. Tell them that multiplication is racist, aimed at destroying Black lives and that division is aimed at elevating America First. Tell them that Pythagoras is just some Dead White Privileged Male and that Euclid owned slaves or whatever, so mathematics is racist and misogynist and xenophobic. Boycott mathematics and cancel teachers who refuse to toe the line and to stand in front of a classroom and recite “Black Lives Matter.”

Good. Do it. Cancel.

If two doctors are a paradox — think about that one — I will grant that amoeba pose the ultimate paradox: How indeed is it that amoeba multiply by dividing?

But that paradox requires one to think about (i) mathematics, (ii) biology, and (iii) puns that require a bit of English comprehension. Yet today’s biology needs to be woke. Too many Nobel Prize laureates were White Privileged males. So abandon biology as a discipline. It is racist. Burn the biology books. And then tweet, “Follow the science!”

What science? That a fetus in a mother’s womb has a head and fingers and a heart beat? That people are born with male organs or female organs? No, not that science. The other science — that, as Ocasio has warned us, everyone on Earth will be dead in eight or nine years. 

And the English language? Grammar? Syntax? Verbs? Adverbs? Prepositions? Spelling is racis’. Grammar simply exists to hold down non-Caucasian minorities. Gee, the whole racis’ English language came from Anglos and Saxons. Danged those Wyte Pryvlijd Mail Langwij Peepuw. Hu du thay theenk thay r ehneehoo?

So spelling needs to be woke, too. That is why G-d created texting. No need to follow racis’ spelling when you can communicate as in an era b4 spelling wen nutheen matird b-coz thatz racis’, 2! LOL.

So go ahead, pals. Demote English and grammar and cursive writing and biology and physics and mathematics. Transform it it all to woke. And while you’re at it, do us a favor and ascribe ice cream to the White Privileged males Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, and Burt Baskin and Irv Robbins. And even Reuben Mattus, who created Häagen-Dazs. Treat them all as racists. Racist White Privileged Male Jews. That’s OK with me, Ocasio, because if you don’t eat the ice cream, there will be more left for me, my kids, and theirs. And your kids, Ocasio, will be scooping them for my kids’ desserts.

In California, where our Gov. Newsom soon will be seeking to recapture his seat now that he is about to be forced into a recall demand signed by two million of us, they want to change the whole education curriculum. Stop teaching real American history — about Pilgrims and Valley Forge, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. Teach instead that Abraham Lincoln really was a racist. That Frederick Douglass was a racist. Rename the schools in San Francisco. “I go to Trayvon Martin High.” (They cannot rename the schools numerically, as in “P.S. 51,” because Arabic numerals are Islamophobic and not woke.) And omit the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. from the curriculum, too, because he also was not woke enough. Just “critical ethnic studies.” Yeah, teach the kids only what they really need to know: That America is the most racist place in the world, built by people in England who risked their lives on the Atlantic’s high waters enduring hardships (and sailed in soft ships also) in search of a place where they could establish Systemic Racism. That justice begins with Al Sharpton and that truth begins with Obama. That Israel belongs to Arabs, so the Jews should be eradicated from the (Jordan) River to the (Mediterranean) Sea. And that capitalism oppresses all of humanity while socialism offers justice.

Go ahead. Cancel out the great schoolteachers who simply want to teach the truth: the same true proud American history that they and we grew up with, as did our parents and theirs. The true math of 8+6=14. True English. True scientific inquiry. Go ahead and cancel all those educators out of the elementary schools, high schools, and universities. And who really loses out when great teachers and professors get canceled out? Nu, so who loses out in cancel culture?

It is not the people terminated. Canceled people who know their actual American history, real math, and how to write and read and speak English competently always will be able to find good work and get fine jobs and make an honorable living in America — as will their kids. The losers are and always will be the ones whom the Biden–Pelosi–Sanders–Ocasio Democrats, like the Lyndon Johnson / Ted Kennedy / Tip O’Neill / Great Society Democrats, claimed they wanted to help. The victims of liberalism and progressivism always are and will be the same. If you rely on liberals and progressives to help you, you are finished: creamed, reamed, minced, and diced.

They defund police, release criminals without bail, and decriminalize “minor crimes” like breaking windows and jumping turnstiles. In the inner cities dominated by such Democrat politicians with such woke policies, crimes of violence soon enough erupt in record numbers. And where exactly in those inner cities? Why, in the communities where the “helped” minority populations live. Because, no matter what the Biden–Pelosi–Sanders–Ocasio Democrats say, their Beverly Hills and Upper East Side and Forest Glen and Beacon Hill and Silicon Valley communities always will have plenty of cops and more than ample security. The kids who grow up there always will attend the private schools that teach toddlers Latin and Greek, that teach cursive writing, that teach spelling and syntax and real history about Charles the First and James the First and Henry the First, and each subsequently ordinaled Charles and James and Henry. While children in the inner cities learn that great music is about Grammy moments like Miley Cyrus twerking and Cardi B reciting lyrics depictive of human trash, the Beverly Hills / Upper East Side / Forest Glen / Beacon Hill / Silicon Valley kids will be learning Aristotle and Shakespeare and Beethoven’s and Tchaikovsky’s and Mozart’s and Bach’s offerings, and maybe even some Puccini and Verdi.

Guess which kids will grow up to get the most coveted attorney jobs and medical positions and computer and accounting and all other employment opportunities that offer the greatest reward 20 years hence. The ones who grew up with critical ethnic studies and critical race theory and woke mathematics and intersectionalist teachers who knew how to sidestep cancel culture and to teach fifth graders how to use condoms? Or the ones who learned to add, spell, speak, write, and think creatively outside the box, the ones who were taught at home about intimacy, and who were educated at school by fearless master instructors who did not suppress ideas and free thought in fear of being canceled?

Yes, it is aggravating on first blush to watch what the Biden–Pelosi–Sanders–Ocasio Democrats advance. But there is hidden gold in it all. Sanders and Ocasio may tell each other that “In capitalism, people exploit people. But in socialism it is exactly the other way around.”

It sure is. So cancel away.

Their kids will be paying rent to my grandkids and yours, will be washing my and your kids’ dishes and windows, and will be sweeping and vacuuming our kids’ floors. Fifty years from now, their grandchildren will be whining about White Privilege and will be looking wistfully and jealously at all the advantages your descendants have over theirs. They won’t be able to figure out why their life spans are shorter and disease more prevalent, as they will not imagine those stark data related to the nature and quality of doctors practicing in their woke communities, many the beneficiaries of woke admissions policies at medical schools and woke grading policies to get them graduated with a diploma “no matter what,” versus those who practice in wealthier communities after having gained entry to medical schools with outstanding MCATs. Fifty years from now they will be complaining about systemic racism. 

And they will be right. Because while the Biden–Pelosi–Sanders–Ocasio Democrats will have consigned their generations to defunded police and released violent criminals, to woke math and woke law school graduates and woke medical doctors, and will have canceled the best of great teachers who wanted to reach and teach wisdom and great ideas to their kids, those of us who evaded their help will remain at the top, as will our future generations. 

It is said that, at the times of the Russian pogroms under the Tsars, Muzhiks would incite one another by saying that “Two plus two equals four. But three plus one also equals four? That is a Jew trick.” I’m not sure how many Muzhiks went on to win Nobel prizes.

Dov Fischer
Dov Fischer
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Rabbi Dov Fischer, Esq., a high-stakes litigation attorney of more than twenty-five years and an adjunct professor of law of more than fifteen years, is rabbi of Young Israel of Orange County, California. His legal career has included serving as Chief Articles Editor of UCLA Law Review, clerking for the Hon. Danny J. Boggs in the United States Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit, and then litigating at three of America’s most prominent law firms: JonesDay, Akin Gump, and Baker & Hostetler. In his rabbinical career, Rabbi Fischer has served several terms on the Executive Committee of the Rabbinical Council of America, is Senior Rabbinic Fellow at the Coalition for Jewish Values, has been Vice President of Zionist Organization of America, and has served on regional boards of the American Jewish Committee, B’nai Brith Hillel, and several others. His writings on contemporary political issues have appeared over the years in the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, the Jerusalem Post, National Review, American Greatness, The Weekly Standard, and in Jewish media in American and in Israel. A winner of an American Jurisprudence Award in Professional Legal Ethics, Rabbi Fischer also is the author of two books, including General Sharon’s War Against Time Magazine, which covered the Israeli General’s 1980s landmark libel suit.
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