Take an Exclusive Look Inside Itxu Díaz’s New Book: I Will Not Eat Crickets: An Angry Satirist Declares War on the Globalist Elite

Every new crazed woke policy issued by our governments finds its origin in Davos.

Editor’s Note: Itxu Díaz’s new book, I Will Not Eat Crickets: An Angry Satirist Declares War on the Globalist Elite, translated by Joel Dalmau, was recently released and is now available for sale. Below, find an excerpted version exclusive to The American Spectator of the book’s introduction.

I have bought a large cloak, a nasty suit, a gnawed hat, and rimless spectacles. I have put on two hundred pounds. I am one of G.K. Chesterton’s soldiers. I have engraved on my silver hip flask: “Every age is saved by a small handful of men who have the courage not to eat crickets.” I am going to war. 

There is a precedent for honorable wars over food (the ones in Africa do not count). I refer namely to the wonderful Pig War in the United States. On June 15, 1859, an American farmer moved to the San Juan Islands, claiming, under the Donation Act, land on the border that then divided the United States from British North America. Settled and happy, our hero found a large black pig sticking its snout into his vegetable patch. After several days of trying to chase the pig away with Christian and pacifist arguments, finally overcome by holy rage at the destruction it caused, he decided to take aim with his shotgun and blow its head off. It so happened that the pig belonged to a powerful Irish farmer, who was not too happy about the murder of what I suppose would be the next day’s ham. The American offered a little money to the Irishman to appease him and settle the pig matter, but the aggrieved party wanted ten times the amount proposed.

Here’s where the best part of this story occurs—the severing of relations. (The conversation lacks historical confirmation, but I pray it was real.) Legend has it that the American broke off the negotiation by shouting, “Your pig was eating my potatoes!” And the Irishman replied, “It’s your business to keep your potatoes away from my pig.” When the British authorities threatened to arrest the pig farmer, the American settlers—with good judgment—requested military protection.

Four hundred American soldiers stood against five British warships, and after facing each other down and caressing their guns for a while, they looked each other in the eye and decided it might be taking things a little too far to start a colossal war between two great nations over the death of one animal.

So you see, the outcome was not so exciting, because in this conflict the only casualty was the pig, but I am happy to know that mine is not the first war initiated by things we eat. 

In the same spirit of the American farmer’s determination, I say, “No, I will not eat cricket!”—not unless I die and am reincarnated as a lizard. But I’m a Christian, and my life consists of acquiring a VIP pass to Heaven. I am not planning on coming back for the time being, much less dragging my belly on the ground and hunting bugs with my tongue. I will not eat cricket.

It’s my decision, my stomach, my rules. You may wonder who is adamant that I eat insects. That’s what this book is about.

You ought to know that everything that is wrong in politics today comes from the World Economic Forum (also known as the Davos forum): tax hikes, globalism diluting national culture and sovereignty, gender ideology, communist economic formulas, the great climate farce and its cooking recipes (worms and crickets included). 

The forum was founded in 1971 under three premises that it never fulfilled: “It is independent, impartial and not tied to any special interests.” In an effort to improve the deteriorated image of the forum, Professor Schwab decided to update the Davos Manifesto in 2019, amending his own official version of it by including previously unpublished concepts, including allusions to “sustainability” (in 1973 the only thing sustainable for a wealthy European was a teacup), discussions of dignity, human rights in the supply chain, respect for workers, “honoring diversity” (Schwab himself would have been embarrassed to write such nonsense in 1973), and from there he really went off the deep end: he called for universal justice, “circular economy,” (that 3R production model popularized by Greenpeace—reduce, reuse and recycle—which now fascinates the Germans; in practice it means that your bottle of water tomorrow could become a diaper and, what doesn’t sound so fun, that your diaper could become your water bottle tomorrow); proclaimed that corporations must “consciously protect our biosphere”; and for the first time cast globalism as something beneficial to society, as if in his long career as an intellectual he had never had time to read Orwell.

The truth is that the original manifesto could have been signed by Adam Smith after drinking a couple of whiskies, while the new manifesto could have been jointly signed by Kamala Harris and Mao Tse Tung after participating in the World Marijuana Forum. 

That 2019 document is the origin of all the evils that plague Western politics today. It is no coincidence that, only a year after its publication, the newly woke German professor launched the most pernicious creation of the twenty-first century: the Great Reset, illustrated perfectly in the beginning of the Davos video, which announced its predictions for 2030: “You will own nothing and you will be happy.” 

Come to think of it, Kamala Harris and Mao Tse Tung would probably not have ever made it so far on their own. They would have needed the help of Stalin and Pol Pot. 

The European is an animal born with a congenital condition as a result of social democracy. He lives under a strange sense of guilt if things go well for him. Observe a rich American at the end of the twentieth century, and you see a man who is happy to be able to light the fireplace with kindling made from fistfuls of dollars, sleeping soundly without a hint of guilty conscience—how could you have a guilty conscience for earning money through lawful activity? Well, a European does. The typical German businessman signs the biggest sales deal of his life, the one that will allow him and his whole family to retire, and before even calling his wife to tell her about it, he’s on the phone to Greenpeace saying: “Father, I have sinned against the Pachamama. I feel terrible about the polar bears drowning in Al Gore’s movies.”

The EU joined the WEF party as soon as the EU became the graveyard of social democratic elephants at the end of the 1990s. So did the UN, going from being a skeptical guest to a crazed preacher clambering up to the pulpit at Davos to exclaim: “The world is going to hell! Repent of your emissions! Purge your carbon footprint!” 

As we will see throughout this book, every new crazed woke policy proposal issued by our Western governments finds its origin in Davos—more specifically in its lunatic publications—and has been implemented with the UN as catalyst.

That Davos should be Schwab’s personal and private obsession is his own problem and is none of my business. That the UN, which was born to maintain international peace and security after World War II, has ended up as a fourth-rate environmentalist university assembly—implementing policies to wage war on plastic and to force us to eat insects because some vegan columnist in the Davos magazine says so—is a problem for all of us.

But just in case the Geneva forum needed to flaunt any other major deficiencies to prove itself a public enemy, in order for its leaders to achieve the pinnacle of indignity, China still had to show up at the ball. And so, as a reward for having given us the pandemic that caused millions of deaths worldwide two years earlier, Davos honored Xi Jinping in 2022 by having him give the forum’s inaugural speech. (In Xi’s defense, it must be said that he was on his best behavior and did not have anyone in the front row of the auditorium shot.)

To celebrate the success of that year’s WEF, it launched a video with the seven foods we should eat “to save the planet”: seaweed, lentils, fonio, okra, moringa, spinach, and mushrooms (to which they attributed the amusing attribute of tasting like meat, which is only possible if you cook them on top of a kilo of steak).

Thus, Davos has become the axis of all global attacks on individual freedom, on classical capitalism, on the sovereignty of nations, and also the main advocate for the effective elimination of all traces of Christian culture in Europe and America. 

According to the UN, investing in sustainable development is about improving health, empowering youths and women, and curbing climate change in poor countries. The result is that it educates women in Zimbabwe on “healthy reproductive habits” (which in layman’s terms means that it teaches them not to reproduce), and at the same time it installs turbines and machinery to aid the transition to “green energy” for families who have nothing that plugs into the power grid.

In retrospect, I had already made up my mind to resist the absurd extravagance of the UN, the incriminating slogans with which it martyrs the poor and the middle classes, and the tiresome verbiage of the Davos forum rulers, and even the adjacent nonsense they might come up with in successive editions. Yes, I was prepared for almost everything—everything but eating crickets. 

The effective implementation of a joint Davos/UN/EU plan to flood ordinary supermarket consumer products with flour made from crickets and other equally disgusting insects has come as a conservative epiphany for me. I have enlisted as a combatant in an army alongside hamburgers, barbecue pizzas, and steaks, feeling a moral obligation to dress up as Chesterton and take action.

And this is why I hereby officially declare war on the UN and, by extension, the Davos forum. Let us toast and get drunk, and may the happy hostilities begin!

Dedicated to the memory of P.J. O’Rourke, the funniest man in America.

READ MORE from Itxu Díaz:

Two Years Without the Audacity and Laughter of P.J. O’Rourke

A Nation Adrift Must Become Great Again

The Left’s Stages of Grief Over the Iowa Caucuses