Call John Koskinen a late bloomer. According to records on our hard drive before we crashed it, he is 74 years old, thirty-three days short of the magical 75. Before he caught Paul Ryan’s attention, we had never heard of him. Now he’s unanimous victor in the EOW sweepstakes. Such insolence, such arrogance, such contempt for all humanity we had not seen in a public official since the last time we paid attention to those who escaped from the losing side of World War II to some friendly dictatorship in the southern parts of South America and got caught. Is it any surprise that the Koskinen soccer stadium at Duke University is named after him? Wonder where he picked up his expertise in soccer?
What about his lowly competition this week? The maestros at Politico have hailed our president’s becoming “mocker-in-chief on climate change skeptics.” Only problem is we have yet to hear him play mocker-in-chief vis-à-vis, say, V.V. Putin, ISIS, Iran, cholera at the border, and the leader responsible for our nation’s GDP shrinking by 2.9 percent last quarter. No fair, this last charge? It was, after all, a very cold winter. Climate changed in every wrong way. Oh, well, no need, Mr. Prez, to apologize to those you have mocked. We expect the honorable Mr. Koskinen will jump at the chance to do the job for you.
Another grand old man showed his true colors in holding on to his Senate slot, for now. The New York Times sees Thad Cochran’s win in Tuesday’s primary as a defeat for the Confederacy. “Now it’s time for Mr. Cochran to return the favor by supporting a stronger Voting Rights Act and actively working to reduce his party’s extreme antigovernment policies,” it harrumphs. Now it’s also time for Mr. Cochran to return to the party that birthed him. Nothing wrong with becoming a Democrat again. It did wonders for Arlen Specter’s career.
Here’s someone whose career continues to take off: book writer Ms. Hillary Clinton who, according to a hostile report, saw sales of her new memoir “Drop Sharply in 2nd Week.” But not all is lost. “Given the book’s focus on Mrs. Clinton’s travels and policies at the State Department,” the report continues, “it is expected to do well outside the United States.” Aha! Just the cover her presidential run will need to bring foreign money into her campaign coffers. It can’t be a Clinton presidency unless it’s foreign bought.
Republican genius is rewarded again. A day after Speaker John Boehner announced he and his colleagues are filing suit against the leader of the free world for his abuses of executive power, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously against the incumbent president on those very grounds. Great minds collude alike. What will EOW regular Dana Milbank do about that? So far he’s only seen fit to mock (what else?) the Prince of Orange (as he calls him) for sticking his neck out. A few days earlier he had mocked (who else?) Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa for bringing rising Democratic star John Koskinen before his committee. Perhaps we should be grateful for small favors. It’s one of the few times anyone in the lamestream has bothered to say boo about the most brazen political cover-up of the 21st century (and we’ve still got two years to go with this administration and another eight with the latest Clinton one).
So the official line must remain: Computers crash, dogs eat homework, and Republicans have no standing to complain about anything or even be in politics. A more nuanced take ridicules anti-science Republicans suddenly claiming to be IT experts. Then there’s Joy Reid, mockingly (how else?) waving off anyone remotely concerned with “the critically important and urgently pressing matter of what happened to Lois Lerner’s emails.” Easy for Joy to be so clever. She’s yet to come before our committee to plead the Fifth in total innocence. Her 18½ minutes of fame are over, alas. Good to know we’ll always have John Koskinen to kick around.