Keep Your Dirty Keyboard Paws Off My President - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Keep Your Dirty Keyboard Paws Off My President

I am so sick of it. I am so sick of it. I just want to shout to the sky at every sleazeball, cretin, and liar in the Fake News Media: “Keep your dirty keyboard paws off my president.” They type lies and innuendos, print and publish calumny and slander, day after day. They have it figured out that no president of the United States will sue for libel or slander, so they are safe to type one lie after another, day in and day out, to market in defamation and to trade in character assassination. As we know from those among them who already have been exposed, they cannot withstand judgment under the standards they claim. It is like Kamala Harris, who cavorted publicly for almost two years with the very married California Democrat Kingmaker Willie Brown, 31 years her senior, at soirees and parties, posing in remarkably revealing garb that exposed as much of her mammary glands as possible — and then trying out for the presidency by persecuting Brett Kavanaugh on false charges and attacking other Catholics nominated for the federal bench when her own immorality long ago was exposed no less than those glands.

In 2016 the corrupt media came out with that secret audio of Donald Trump in that TV-studio trailer sharing improper and unbefitting comments about women. Yes, indeed, the banter was appalling. In fact, it sounded like the same exact banter I was shocked to hear when I started practicing law at the world-prominent law firm of Jones Day. I had been a practicing Orthodox rabbi for 10 years and then had transitioned careers by attending a fine law school, serving as Chief Articles Editor of law review, and then clerking for a world-class federal appellate judge. Now I began law practice, and several of the more experienced mid-level associates invited me to join them for lunch.

My quandary was that I would not fit in. My diet is strictly limited exclusively to kosher food, and frankly, if I can avoid doing so, I do not even walk into non-kosher restaurants, although I probably could find some acceptable cold fruit salad on the menu and have them hold back the berries. I wanted so much to fit in. So I accompanied them, my new professional role models, fellows who successfully had been practicing law at this prominent law firm for several years. We sat and ordered, and then the banter began — an hour of fellows, some single and some in relationships, sharing their tales of woman conquests. The tone and tenor was similar to the Trump banter in that trailer. Conquests, strategies, and techniques for conquering women, the wonders of alcohol, occasionally crude lingo. I found that the kosher-food issue suddenly had become the least of my problems in trying to fit in. I buried my face downward through most of lunch, focusing on my cantaloupe amid fellows who nobly can’t elope but instead found glory, team pride, and much laughter in objectifying women among each other in the most coarse terms. As I privately recited grace after lunch, I contemplated that the saving grace of the afternoon was that almost surely none of them actually had done one-tenth of the things they described. It was my last group lunch with that bunch. And I thought to myself, “Gee, they all are experts in women’s body parts. It was like having lunch with gynecologists on steroids.” Meantime, I, the only one who focused on eating my salad instead of describing my salad days, at the time had four kids, and they did not arrive via Amazon.

When the despicable “news” media came out with that trailer talk, timed to sabotage Donald Trump’s presidential campaign against the Horrible Basketful who opposed him, I was not thrilled with that side of Trump, but I have learned from that other career outside the rabbinate how certain men talk when they banter with each other and do not suspect they are being recorded. As one of my other law colleagues once said to me, “No woman ever would marry any man if they knew what goes on in men’s heads.” Lovely.

So they exposed Trump’s banter? As if they do not banter the same and do worse themselves? I was disgusted by the media. They are despicable.


I don’t pick my American presidents based on their personal qualities. Sure, I wish I could, and I try during primaries. My dream ticket would include the likes of Mike Huckabee and Mike Pence and William Barr. On the other side of the aisle, if I could vote in both parties’ sets of primaries, I would vote for Democrats like Daniel Patrick Moynihan and Henry Jackson and Hubert Humphrey. Oh, that’s right. they’re dead. There no longer are Democrats like that. So the Democrats don’t have those kinds of Jacksons anymore, and the Republicans selected Trump. My choice was simple. Both candidates were pocked by significant character flaws. So I chose country, and my side won.

We don’t get many presidents who are people of personal quality and character. I was just reading a review of several books about Franklin Roosevelt’s several affairs. I will skip reading the books and am not awaiting a movie. He seems to have been intimate with everyone female in his circle except for Eleanor. Harry Truman and Ike seem to have been made of finer stuff. But then came John Kennedy, whom I remember with fondness as having been a great president who conducted a capitalist economy and was ready to go to nuclear war in staring down the Communists on two continents. But we now know that his personal character was abysmal. Aside from whatever went on with Marilyn Monroe, the name Judith Exner was but one of his Exes on his belt. Lyndon Johnson was a corrupt politician, perhaps the biggest cheater and most corrupt we ever had. Nixon was Nixon; ’nuff said there. Gerald Ford was a man of true character. How do we Americans reward such character? His precedent is that he is the only president whom the American people never elected to a presidential term. Jimmy Carter was a monogamist, likewise of true personal character. Was he a better choice? History records that he also was among the four or fewer worst presidents we ever had, while also doubling as a closet Jew-hater. Ayatollah Khomeini admired his character so much that he held American diplomats hostage for 444 days. Reagan was the rare gem of history, merging both personal character with presidential greatness. By contrast, the two Bushes were people of character who each left behind huge messes that convinced Americans to go Democrat. Clinton’s character can be summarized in nine words: Gennifer, Juanita, Paula, Kathleen, Monica, Stain, and What Is Is. Obama was and remains possibly the most personally dishonest and corrupt since Harding, from his Rezko path to personal wealth to spying illegally on his opponents and weaponizing the Justice Department and so much more.

So that is the only fair context and yardstick by which to gauge Trump. Whatever he was and whatever he is, he loves our country deeply and passionately, and, despite his ego, focuses 24/7/365 on making America great. Hillary not only was and always will be corrupt but, if we did not have a double standard of justice, she would be in the same slammer that held Martha Stewart when she elegantly spoliated evidence and corrupted her emails with etiquette. Hillary not only, as an accessory after the fact, aided and abetted a man who violated women like they were targets in a pinball machine, but she herself violated several obvious federal laws when she destroyed her evidence, then covered up the spoliation. She is as corrupt as the August day is long. And now comes Biden, whose entire public career is built on one lie after another. Did he steal another man’s wife? Did he misrepresent to the public the facts of his first wife’s horribly tragic accidental road death? No one yet knows for sure, but it seems so. What the public does know is that he stole another man’s biography and life story, akin to Seinfeld’s Kramer having transferred his life stories to Peterman. He literally plagiarized a life, not just a speech, even claiming that his father, who sold used cars, had been a coal miner. He lied to the voters about his academic credentials, claiming he graduated at the top of his class when facts revealed he was at the bottom, that he won academic awards when he won none, claiming he risked his life to pin a medal on a military hero in the dangerous mountains of Afghanistan when it all was one of the many illusions and hallucinations that increasingly vie for attention in his cerebrum, a fictitious bellum occupying his cerebellum.

Such is this world, such is Trump’s opposition — not to mention Mike Pence’s opponent, whose despicable way of rising in Democrat politics is itself a study in public moral squalor, as these columns have laid out so very forthrightly.

But the media has a one-sided, determined focus on taking down Donald Trump. They dig their unkempt hands in his gut, and they won’t let go. They see a Joe Biden who corruptly has leveraged 47 years of public life to steal a married woman, make his sister rich, make his brother fabulously rich, and make his son incomprehensibly rich. The only member of his family with character, the only one clean and unscathed, tragically was taken by the horrors of glioblastoma. All the rest are Biden Rich, making their millions the old-fashioned way, through nepotism at the highest levels, using high government office to pad their wallets and pockets in ways that the poor working stiffs and suckers who elected Biden never could dream or access. Yet media vipers want Trump’s taxes, frenzied by projecting onto him what they would do if they were president, the Biden–Obama way of coming in with little and departing only a few years later as candidates for Forbes lists of the wealthiest. By contrast, Trump came in with enough money. He does not even take a salary; he donates it all. Trump did not need four years of Nancy Pelosi blowing smoke when she is not getting blow-dried and all the rest of her sordid inner circle to become rich. Trump’s kids and theirs afterwards are taken care of financially for life by dint of the capitalist ventures they pursued outside of politics, unlike Bidens who live off the trough of American China deals, Ukrainian corruptions, and the taxpayers’ guts and blood.


So now come the leaks and the new drip-drip-drip-drip of lies. Trump had a series of mini-strokes? What does that mean, that he triple-bogeyed a par four? And what of Biden, whose drip-drip-drip-drip of senility unfolds not from unnamed sources but from Biden himself? He tells people to vote on Super Thursday? In Maine he describes his joy in being present in Vermont? His strain in Maine fell plainly on his brain. He flubs the preamble to the Declaration of … you know — the thing? He says the Parkland shooting happened when he was vice president? He tells a campaign crowd that he is running for the U.S. Senate? Yet the media, the corrupt bigoted media, want to disseminate that Trump is the one with “mini-strokes.”

And now the latest, that Trump berated our brave and heroic fallen. They sat on this supposed “bombshell” for two years. Only now it becomes news?

How does one defend by proving a negative? If someone says that, as this article was being written, the author was cursing Jews, how does this rabbi prove it a lie? John Bolton, who hates Trump deeply, nonetheless says it never happened. Trump and Bolton and others remember the day and the warnings and advice the president was given that the skies were too foggy for his helicopter to travel. We know what happens when someone helicopters irresponsibly in heavy fog and inclement weather — it is called: Kobe Bryant. One looks at Trump’s record on the military and on veterans’ affairs, his focused commitment and fulfillment of his promise to rebuild the military, to markedly increase military pay, to transmogrify the Bureau of Veterans Affairs and to get our veterans the best health care available. Did he denigrate our fallen soldiers? If he did, in private and while behind closed doors — and all direct in-person evidence says he did not — does it even matter with a four-year presidential record like his? And it is hard to believe, if not impossible. Has a spouse never muttered, in a moment of pique, quietly and behind closed doors, an untoward word about the spouse he or she loves and for whom he would give his life? Or about his or her kids? And then comes Bolton, who hates Trump like the first Bush hated broccoli, and says that everything else in the world about Trump is no good — but this quote never happened.

I am Jewish. I love America passionately, and Israel has a special place in my heart. If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, may my right hand forget the keyboard on which I express my thoughts. If tomorrow morning the same filthy and despicable “journalists” report a new leak that Trump privately said something inappropriate about Jews, would I care? The man recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, moved America’s Israel embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, recognized Israel’s sovereignty over the Golan Heights, declared Israel’s Jewish communities (falsely dubbed “settlements”) in Judea and Samaria (wrongly dubbed “West Bank”) every bit as legal as Israel’s Supreme Court does, closed down the PLO office in Washington, pulled out of the foolish and perilous Iran Deal, pulled us out of the murderous United Nations “Human Rights Council,” brokered the first authentic peace agreement between an Arab Muslim country and Israel in a quarter century, included in a historic peace deal he brokered between Kosovo and Serbia an agreement for Kosovo to recognize Israel and for Serbia to move its Israel embassy to Jerusalem, changed federal policy to include anti-Semitism as a form of prohibited bias on college and university campuses, flew to Pittsburgh immediately after the shooting at the temple, and so much more. So if the media leak-leak-drip-drip out tomorrow that he said something disparaging about Jews — and they have done so several times since he first sought the presidency — would I care?

No, not at all. Obama always said that he was devoted to Israel, that he never would allow daylight between America and Israel. Sounds good. But he was a liar, and Biden was his enforcer. In Fiddler on the Roof, when his prospective socialist son-in-law tells him that wealth is a plague, Tevye looks to Heaven and says “Dear G-d, if wealth is a plague, may I be smitten.” If Trump even ever said any of these things — which Bolton and others insist he did not — may all our brave military be so smitten with a president with such a record as his in support of the military and our fighting men and women.

It is the same with Trump and Blacks. Despite the lies and leaks, the drips and the drops, the man’s record speaks tomes about him. His prison reform efforts, his granting long-term funding to Historically Black Colleges and Universities, his efforts to assure that Black America attained its lowest unemployment numbers in history, his repeated public declarations that we all bleed the same red, white, and blue. One compares that tangible record of less than four years with Biden’s 47 years of racist statements and failed promises to the same Black community. He is promising the same thing now that he and Obama promised in 2008 and that he and Jimmy Carter were promising in 1978.

We now are in the final two months before the presidential election. Tomorrow there will be new leaks against Trump, new drips and new drabs. They are lies, half-truths, and garbage scooped up by the filthy hands of “journalists” who have been saving these for the election. They will do anything these next days to spread their political manure, in which they wallow like pigs in the mud. If only they would keep their contaminated hands off this president.

Dov Fischer
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Rabbi Dov Fischer, Esq., is Vice President of the Coalition for Jewish Values (comprising over 2,000 Orthodox rabbis), was adjunct professor of law at two prominent Southern California law schools for nearly 20 years, and is Rabbi of Young Israel of Orange County, California. He was Chief Articles Editor of UCLA Law Review and clerked for the Hon. Danny J. Boggs in the United States Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit before practicing complex civil litigation for a decade at three of America’s most prominent law firms: Jones Day, Akin Gump, and Baker & Hostetler. He likewise has held leadership roles in several national Jewish organizations, including Zionist Organization of America, Rabbinical Council of America, and regional boards of the American Jewish Committee and B’nai B’rith Hillel Foundation. His writings have appeared in Newsweek, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Post, the Los Angeles Times, the Federalist, National Review, the Jerusalem Post, and Israel Hayom. A winner of an American Jurisprudence Award in Professional Legal Ethics, Rabbi Fischer also is the author of two books, including General Sharon’s War Against Time Magazine, which covered the Israeli General’s 1980s landmark libel suit. Other writings are collected at
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