Joe Biden Becomes an Interior Designer - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Joe Biden Becomes an Interior Designer
An extractor hood for the home (brizmaker/Shutterstock)

Two things traditionally drive Democratic presidents crazy: interventionism and female interns. Like the entire postmodern left, Biden deeply hates freedom, almost as much as he gets off on sticking his nose into other people’s pockets, lives, and homes. For him it is no longer a habit, but an addiction. He started with the gas stove, and now he has decided to stick his nose into the running of the whole house. Yesterday he was president, today he is more of an interior designer.

The president also wants to change regulations for light bulbs, gas furnaces, room air conditioners, portable air cleaners, and clothes dryers. All this is part of his more than 110 energy efficiency actions and he assures that this will save citizens a lot of money over the next thirty to forty years. Which means, translated into street talk, that you will be paying for his joke for thirty to forty years and that when you are old, burning up or freezing at home, broke and deeply pissed off, and you go to Biden to ask for an explanation, he is unlikely to receive you, unless the president implements a personal efficiency plan that will allow him to reach 120 years of age.

It is amazing that the Democrats are unable to understand that the only advantage the United States still had over Europe was a reverential respect for freedom, both economic and personal. With the government bailing out banks, raising taxes, and Democrat states banning gasoline-powered vehicles, all we need now is for Biden to choose for you what appliances you can buy.

In my country, “intelligent extractor hoods” became fashionable a few years ago. I start out from the premise that it is quite unlikely that an extractor is intelligent, unless you try to make it extract the Summa Theologica and six or seven classic manuals of sciences and humanities. My extractor was advertised as “very intelligent,” which is why I took a dislike to it the first day it arrived at my home.

It was made in Germany, which is where all this absurd green regulation and energy efficiency crap comes from. The hood has a wheel with four positions, from soft extraction (1) to very strong extraction (4), capable of sucking your toupee off from a kilometer away; which is what you really want from a damn extractor. Its intelligence and energy efficiency were such that when five minutes passed with the hood on 4, it automatically switched to 1. No matter if you have six pans burning, spewing black smoke and sulfur vapor, no matter if you are unable to leave the kitchen without damn fog lights, no matter if you have a ten-centimeter layer of pizza dough stuck to your fingers that prevent you from hitting the number 4 button again, and no matter what: the extractor, since it is intelligent, turns itself off. I endured two years of it and I promise that I referred to the manufacturer’s mother, father, and grandparents that I may have to explain myself in Purgatory for this matter when my time comes.

When I got rid of the extractor, I bought a car, also German. To my surprise, the car turned itself off. At traffic lights, when parking, even when I pulled over to the side of the road to shake off a wasp scavenging around my testicles. It could also see that the car shuts off especially fast when two junkies armed with knives and sticks come at it, which is typically right around the time when you wish it would fly away like David Hasselhoff’s car. Now the system is already widely known, it’s called “start-stop,” and it’s energy efficient, like the extractor, and is all about busting the user’s balls. Do you think it can be disabled? Yes, there is an option that allows you to turn it off, but you’ll have to do it every time you get in the car, because it’s programmed to subtly insist that you save the damn planet.

When I see that Biden is trying to increase the list of appliances he will make more efficient I can only think of two things: that he will raise the price of all appliances in the midst of a global economic crisis (very smart), and that all appliances will be as smart as the extractor and the car (bleak).

I don’t know about you, but I liked it better when appliances were dumb and politicians were smart.

Itxu Díaz
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Itxu Díaz is a Spanish journalist, political satirist, and author. He has written 10 books on topics as diverse as politics, music, and smart appliances. He is a contributor to The Daily Beast, The Daily Caller, National Review, American Conservative, and Diario Las Américas in the United States, as well as a columnist at several Spanish magazines and newspapers. He was also an adviser to the Ministry for Education, Culture, and Sports in Spain.
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