Yale vs. Harvard is the oldest and fiercest college rivalry in America. So when Harvard managed to make itself look petty and ridiculous as it very publicly edged out its president over a series of petty grievances, my alma mater was going to have to work very hard to make itself look even more foolish.
Not only did Yale rise to the challenge, it shattered all Ivy League records for freestyle downhill idiocy with the revelation that it had admitted as a special student Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi, a former ambassador for Afghanistan’s odious Taliban.
Yale’s then-Dean of Undergraduate Admissions, Richard Shaw (for whom I worked as an undergraduate, and who at that time seemed like a nice man with no indications of incipient lunacy) told the New York Times Magazine that “another foreigner of Rahmatullah’s caliber” applied to Yale the year before, but “we lost him to Harvard,” and “I didn’t want that to happen again.” So that’s what happened to Baghdad Bob!
How has Mr. Rahmatullah’s presence on campus affected Yale’s atmosphere of tolerant liberalism? Maybe they’ll finally get around to altering their ridiculous policy on co-ed bathrooms. They wouldn’t change it for me or for the group of Orthodox Jews known as the “Yale Five,” but then again neither the Yale Five nor I worked for regimes that chop fingers off women for wearing nail polish.
I’m not certain, but some other changes may have occurred since Mr. Rahmatullah arrived. I was flipping through a copy of the Yale Glee Club’s newest sheet music the other day, and I think I detected a few changes in the words of the old traditional songs. See whether you can spot the accommodations Yale has made for Mr. Rahmatullah’s sensibilities:
(Formerly “Boola, Boola!”)
Mullah Omar’s speaking through ya,
When they blew up
The Bamyan Buddhas
Did you holler Boola Boola?
(Formerly “Bulldog! Bulldog! Eli Yale!”)
Burqa! Burqa! Get your gals
Behind the veil…
Burqa! Burqa! In-fi-dels
Are going to burn in hell…
Oh, when Jews and Christians step o’er the line
We’ll behead those we don’t impale
Burqa! Burqa! Enslave each frau…
(Formerly “Bright College Years”)
Bright sci-mi-tars, both swift and sharp
Keep women cow’ring ‘neath a tarp
We’ll stone the sluts in Woolsey Hall,
Then crush the gays beneath a wall…
The Taliban is here, you see
And primitive barbarity
Is peachy kee-e-een at Yale today
Jihad’s apologists are here to stay.
The skulls and bones of those we’ve killed,
The seas of guiltless blood we’ve spilled,
Those Buddhas that we bombed to scrap,
Are excused by multicultural crap…
So let us strive that ever we
More tolerant of Jihad be
For, just like all of us, the Taliban
Has suffered uh-uh-under Dubya’s hand!*
(*Everyone waves white flags, er, handkerchiefs during the last line.)
I’m guessing that the Harvard student body will take up these anthems, and worse, when time for The Game rolls around in November. And I’m so ashamed of my school, I’ll be singing right along with them.