I adore repeat idiot offenders. I don’t know, it might just be because I am one of them, but the truth is that, all through the year, I see one of them and I just can’t wait for this special day to come around again. Yes, friends, after the resounding success of The 2020 Idiot of the Year Awards, it is truly an honor to bring my friends and readers at The American Spectator, the 2nd Edition of the Idiot of the Year Awards. Remember that in the comments section you can vote for your favorite idiot or even propose new ones. It is invariably a source of great pleasure to discover that, difficult as it may seem, there is always room for one more idiot.
These are my proposals for 2021:
Anthony Fauci, the world’s worst futurologist
His crystal ball is more ineffective than my hair growth serum. Aware of this fact, he has chosen to spout out every single possible theory indistinctly, in the hope of getting it right sometime. No such luck. Even affirming everything that can possibly be affirmed about a single problem, he manages to be wrong 100 percent of the time, which makes him a unique case in the history of mankind. Our generation’s true greatest achievement will not be to have survived the coronavirus, but to have survived guys like Fauci.
Jen Psaki, smart woman, sometimes
When an EWTN reporter asked Psaki why Biden, who calls himself a Catholic (of the Judas persuasion, I suspect), so gleefully supported the killing of babies, the spokeswoman scorned the reporter by saying, “You’ve never been pregnant.” My first thought is that the argument is perfect. I could demand that the state fund 100% of my daily beer intake and, when Psaki protests, I could reply, “You’ve never been a writer!” My second thought went further: it strikes me as terribly homophobic of her to insinuate that the journalist, because of the mere and insignificant fact of being a man, could never have been pregnant. How very backwards and fascist!
Joe Biden, Grandpa, absentee
It is difficult, very difficult, tremendously difficult, for the most important country in the world to fall into the hands of the most incompetent president in the world. I have the next slogan: Joe Biden, breaking records since 1942.
Bill Gates, neighborhood butcher
It’s impossible not to include in a list of idiots anyone who has decided to invest his savings in getting me to stop eating T-bone steak in favor of synthetic steaks brought to you by the inventors of the blue screen.
António Guterres, sinking all past prestige
The current UN Secretary General had a certain prestige in the past. For some strange reason, the Portuguese dignitary managed to generate sympathy on the left and the right. That was until he arrived at the UN, created the globalist agenda 2030 gathering all the most inane issues of our century in a single program, and began to convene meetings for millionaires traveling in private jets to approve programs in which they spend your money to force you to ride a bicycle in the center of the cities and, hahaha, save the planet.
Nicolás Maduro, misunderstood intellectual
The Venezuelan dictator is a box of surprises because of his ingenuity and overwhelming intelligence. One day in February he presents some miraculous drops that neutralize the coronavirus with 100% effectiveness, and the next (this very week) he reveals that he has had a “secret meeting” with the CIA.
Xi Jinping, Chinaman from China
We are still suffering the consequences of his inability to control the bug being kept inside the test tubes of his laboratory in Wuhan. He got off scot-free.
Patrisse Cullors, fighting for the poor but only a bit
BLM’s Marxist founder turned out to have a great fondness, also typically Marxist, for the gentrified nouveau riche lifestyle. I don’t blame her. But BLM’s thousands of donors were left with the same look of stupor on their faces those who get excited about a communist leader are always left with. Many of these disappointments could be avoided by simply reading a couple of books, but I realize that’s asking too much from people whose most developed neuron implodes upon engaging in activities that require more intellectual effort than throwing stones through the windows of a McDonald’s.
Nancy Pelosi, trapped in time
The main positive point for this Democratic leader is her bad temper. Sometimes I think that, if I were a leftist, I could have an incredible political career, because every morning when I wake up, and until I’ve had my third coffee, I am really obnoxious, almost as much as Nancy Pelosi every time she spits out the word “Trump.” Just like Bill Murray lived trapped on February 2, Pelosi has been trapped on January 6. The difference in her case is that she is the groundhog.
Jackie Calmes, censor
I dedicated an article months ago to this Los Angeles Times columnist. I admire her ability to solve deep problems. Her big discovery this year was: the best way for Democrats to stay in power forever is to eliminate Republicans. Brilliant calculation. Not since Archimedes have we seen such a dazzling theorem.
Pedro Castillo, friend of terrorists
After many years of experience as a zoologist analyzing political life, I have come to a conclusion: there is only one thing worse than a terrorist, the one who presumes to be the friend of a terrorist. So many members of Castillo’s government are being investigated for their connections with the terrorist-Marxist-Leninist-Maoist band Sendero Luminoso, that the president, who is used to wearing large sombreros, is nicknamed Sombrero Luminoso by his compatriots. The pinnacle of political humor. My respects to that country kidnapped by idiots.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Beautiful and Rich
I also dedicated an article to Democrat Ocasio-Cortez this year. She is verbose with her nonsense, sparing us not a single one of the stupidities that run through her head, which provides great fodder for columnists, for which I feel indebted. A few months ago she went to a lavish gala, whose ticket cost $35,000, wearing a gaudy dress with the letters “Tax the Rich”; I have since thanked her heartily for that photograph, which I have had printed and hung in my living room as a work of art that I have entitled “Allegory of Socialism.”
Kim Jong Un — Missing
I have included him in this list of idiots just to see if anyone can help answer a question about the only communist leader who looks like a meatball: Is he still alive?
Itxu Díaz is a Spanish journalist, political satirist and author. He has written nine books on topics as diverse as politics, music, and smart appliances. He is a contributor to the Daily Beast, the Daily Caller, National Review, the American Conservative, The American Spectator, and Diario Las Américas in the United States, and is a columnist for several Spanish magazines and newspapers. He was also an adviser to the Ministry for Education, Culture, and Sports in Spain. Follow him on Twitter at @itxudiaz or visit his websitewww.itxudiaz.com.
Translated by Joel Dalmau