Like all potential 2016 Presidential candidates worth the cardboard they’re printed on, Mike Huckabee will release a book detailing his life story, his political intentions and his feelings about subjects of great importance to the American public. The book, whose not-at-all-pandering title is God, Guns, Grits and Gravy, will utilize Huckabee’s “straight shootin’ style,” will deliver a “realistic yet optimistic approach to moving America forward,” and will feature the former governor in as many button-down plaid shirts as possible.
His first target in the war on everything that is ripping America apart at the seams? Beyonce.
The former Arkansas governor and Fox News talk-show host – a conservative Republican and musician himself who knows how to get attention – is coming out with a new book, new book God, Guns, Grits and Gravy in which he levels a scalding review of Jay Z and Beyoncé and their explicitly steamy “Drunk in Love” duet at the Grammys.
“Beyoncé is incredibly talented – gifted, in fact,” Huckabee writes in the book, which hits stores until Jan. 20. “She has an exceptional set of pipes and can actually sing. She is a terrific dancer – without the explicit moves best left for the privacy of her bedroom. Jay Z is a very shrewd businessman, but I wonder: Does it occur to him that he is arguably crossing the line from husband to pimp by exploiting his wife as a sex object?”
Interestingly, Huckabee seems to have only viewed the “Drunk in Love” performance and not actually listened to the words of the song. The point of “Drunk in Love” and several of the other songs released on Beyonce’s latest album, is that married love can actually, despite the rumors, be fun and exciting. The two people getting who are “drunk in love” are husband and wife…aaaaaand in the song they pretty much have sex on every available surface in their home, which considering the wealth Jay-Z and Beyonce have accumulated and excellent developments in mobile food delivery ordering, might mean they didn’t surface for over a week. In fact, the album, and the song (and the Beyonce-Jay-Z partnership itself), was praised by pro-family groups in the minority community for projecting a positive image of monogamy to a group of people who don’t have many positive images of monogamy.
Fortunately, Beyonce and Mike Huckabee probably don’t share much Venn diagram overlap where target demographics are concerned.
On a side note, I’ll be truly disappointed if Mike Huckabee’s book doesn’t feature his famous squirrel-on-a-hot-plate recipe. I might disagree with the Huckster on some key issues, but the man can make a mean (and delicious) squirrel, as journalists on the road with primary candidates learned in 2007.
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That’s right, the Grinch (Joe Biden) is coming for your pocketbooks this Christmas season with record inflation. Just to recap, here is a list of items that have gone up during his reign.
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