Advice for Gloomy Democrats - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Advice for Gloomy Democrats
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Washington — Do not let the Democrats fool you. They are deeply in the glooms. Even smiling, happy-go-lucky Congressgirl Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is in the glooms, at least behind closed doors. It is not just the southern border where there roam more foreign-speaking bipeds than native Americanos. It is not inflation that is eroding the value of the dollar, even late at night when most Americans are asleep. Nor is it crime or the condition of the cities. It is a matter that President Joe Biden once took great pride in, that being his first black vice president. Kamala Harris is a disappointment. She is a born blank. Joe found out too late to do anything about it. Though what could he do? The progressives have not legalized euthanasia yet.

Kamala is according to the Constitution supposed to be his successor if anything happens to the president. Unfortunately, she is even more unpopular than Joe, and she has only been in office for just over a year. How will her fellow Americans esteem her at this time next year? What if Hunter Biden’s father, the president of the United States, gets a chill or falls victim to one of the viruses now so prevalent in the land? If the president gets gravely ill, who will protect Hunter? Well, now wait a minute. I have come up with solutions for my Democratic friends before, and I can be relied upon to do so again.

There are a lot of reasons for my Democrat friends’ dour mood, but the fundamental reason is that they have not one but two blanks in the White House.  

Did I not hear that there is, of a sudden, an opening on the Supreme Court? And has not the president already said that he is looking for a black woman to nominate for that opening on the Supreme Court? Moreover, is the president not intent on making history by nominating a black woman to fill the opening? Mr. President, look no further. You have your black woman to serve on the Supreme Court, and she is relatively young. Justice Kamala Harris will be around a long time. She might even outlive Justice Barrett, assuming she does not lose her temper.

Then there is the final reason for nominating Kamala to the Court. There is no other way to get rid of her. I have checked. Every other way is illegal.

Yes, I know there are a lot of reasons for my Democrat friends’ dour mood, but the fundamental reason is that they have not one but two blanks in the White House. It is entirely possible that if President Joe Biden passes away while in office Vice President Harris will become president, and things will get even worse. For one thing she cannot maintain a staff. Can you imagine President Kamala Harris having to drive her own car? With Justice Harris safely seated on the Supreme Court, the Democrats would be in a position to have a fresh face to bring to the vice presidency. My favorite choice, of course, would be Beto O’Rourke or maybe someone entirely new. How about the first White House gardener ever to be vice president? Though the Democrats had better check that the gardener speaks English or at least has his papers in order. But if Joe were to make the White House gardener his replacement for Kamala Harris he would be making history for the second time in a matter of months. It would be kind of like making history on top of making history, if you follow me.

All of this identity politics has got to end somewhere. Are we going to go into a round two of it or round three or round four? What is more, how minor does an office-holder have to be to have his or her or its rank utterly ignored? And when are we going to stress qualities other than the utterly inconsequential for holding office?  It really does not matter that Joe Biden is male or that Kamala Harris is female. What matters is that they are not very bright, and that Americans are going to want an intelligent person to put up against Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping. When the Russians and the Chinese start bragging about how many trans leaders they have raised to office I shall get serious about identity politics.

R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr.
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R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is the founder and editor in chief ofThe American Spectator. He is the author of The Death of Liberalism, published by Thomas Nelson Inc. His previous books include the New York Times bestseller Boy Clinton: The Political Biography; The Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton; The Liberal Crack-Up; The Conservative Crack-Up; Public Nuisances; The Future that Doesn’t Work: Social Democracy’s Failure in Britain; Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House; The Clinton Crack-Up; and After the Hangover: The Conservatives’ Road to Recovery. He makes frequent appearances on national television and is a nationally syndicated columnist, whose articles have appeared in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Baltimore Sun, Washington Times, National Review, Harper’s, Commentary, The (London) Spectator, Le Figaro (Paris), and elsewhere. He is also a contributing editor to the New York Sun.
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