Another Dopey Week - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Another Dopey Week

Another dopey week, wherein we learn that the University of Missouri, and the taxpayers who support it, are wholly-owned subsidiaries of the Mizzou football team, which cannot win many football games, but can get university presidents to resign.

Speaking of dopey, an outfit called the World Anti-Doping Agency is alleging that Russian track and field athletes used performance enhancing drugs during previous Olympic Games and that the Russian government was involved in the cheating. Geez, Russian athletes cheating? The Russian government other than straight-arrow? Who would think such a thing? Gambling at Rick’s, maybe, but…

The accusations may, pardon the expression, bear out. Or not. I’m not sure the fact that Russia’s women runners have five o’clock shadows at three o’clock, or that three of four Russian weight-lifters just have one big eye in the middle of their foreheads, is sufficient proof that something is pharmaceutically amiss.

In Houston, voters reasonably decided that allowing persons who have a penis and testicles to use women’s restrooms is an insane idea. Of course it is. For voting down a bill that would have allowed folks to use the facility of their choice, good Houston burghers were called bigots by the New York Times and by Houston’s mayor.

The sports world got into the dopey act when Oakland Raiders’ linebacker Ray-Ray Armstrong, in town for Sunday’s game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, allegedly taunted an Allegheny County Sheriff’s Office police dog.

The canine, one Banditt, was patrolling for explosives at the stadium when Ray-Ray allegedly began beating his chest, yelling and barking at the dog. Banditt, who, if witness accounts are accurate, is clearly brighter than Ray-Ray, was not amused. Nor was the Allegheny County Sheriff’s Office, which is considering bringing charges against Armstrong. In Pennsylvania, taunting a police dog is a third-degree felony. My sources in Pittsburgh tell me a charge of public stupid is also being considered.

Candidates wishing to be president of the United States have hardly been more coherent. Jeb!, seeking something to salvage a campaign circling the political drain (my sources tell me Columba is giving Carly a second look), has hit on the game-saver of going back in history to snuff a baby Hitler. I don’t know if this is an NCAA record for desperation-inspired dopiness. But it’s close.

Not to be undone by an unenergetic candidate, the Donald, in an attempt to hide the fact that he knows absolutely nothing about world affairs – his foreign policy is so secret no one will even tell him what it is – has promised to save Christmas. Trump, at a campaign stop in Illinois, suggested God-fearing, red-blooded Americanos boycott Starbucks because the high-priced coffee shop and upper-middle-class loitering hole is not putting Christmas on its red holiday cups. No, this was not part of Donald’s Saturday Night Live shtick. He means it. That is, to the extent that he means anything.

“If I become president, we’re all going to be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again,” Trump said. “That I can tell you. That I can tell you! Unbelievable.”

It certainly is.

Unlike the predictions of various left commentators and other voluble humbugs, America has not become evil. However, a very good case could be made for silly.

Larry Thornberry
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Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.
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