Unfortunately, it appears that when Elizabeth Edwards speaks some people actually listen. This sad fact might be innocuous enough if the aspiring Second Lady were trading parenting or dieting tips. But instead semi-reformed former Deaniacs and Kucinich Kids seem to have latched onto Edwards’ recent promise to a worried supporter that post-election riots will not wrack the nation — so long as the Kerry-Edwards ticket walks away with it.

The suggestion, of course, is that there indeed will be riots if John F. Kerry’s boyhood dreams of ascending to his rightful position as ruler of the universe are squashed by the result of today’s voting. It is just such a scenario for which a group called No Stolen Elections is currently preparing. The newly-minted organization has already gotten more than 17,000 of the young and restless to sign the following pledge:

I remember the stolen presidential election of 2000 and I am willing to take action in 2004 if the election is stolen again. I support efforts to protect the right to vote leading up to and on Election Day, November 2nd. If that right is systematically violated, I pledge to join nationwide protests starting on November 3rd, either in my community, in the states where the fraud occurred or in Washington DC.

Among the better known John Hancocks adorning this pledge are those of Jesse Jackson, Michael Moore, Gloria Steinem, Howard Zinn, AFL-CIO Organizing Director Stewart Acuff, NAACP chairman Julian Bond, Daniel Ellsberg, Green Party presidential candidate David Cobb, and Barbara Ehrenreich, fresh from a stint as a New York Times substitute columnist. Oh, and clearly we wouldn’t want to forget Adrienne Maree Brown, the dignified leader of the League of Pissed Off Voters.

So what exactly are these folks planning to make sure that “an unelected President does not enter the White House, like last time”? Well, the group has first of all established a “Fair Elections Advisory Council” of “international elections experts” to make a call on Election Day as to whether the vote was “stolen” again or not. If it has been — and, let’s face it, what are the chances any “international elections experts” are going to certify a Bush victory as just? — No Stolen Elections will call its “Urgent Response Network” into action, “to converge in the states where the most serious fraud occurred, as well as in Washington DC.” And the group is promising to make Florida circa 2000 look like a picnic.

“One thing that was missing from our side, but not from the conservative side, in 2000 was street heat,” Steve Cobble writes on the group’s website. “The GOP had their bourgeois riots, and their crowds were consistently bigger and more vocal, which helped frame in the media’s mind the sense that their side had been wronged because Bush had won but Gore would not give up…We encourage people to work for regime change at home all day on November 2nd, election day, and then prepare to return to the streets on November 3rd (and perhaps beyond), at predetermined, symbolic, convenient locally-chosen sites.”

All right, let’s say what needs to be said: How bad can today’s America really be if lazy lefty agitators can “work for regime change at home”? That’s a pretty sweet gig compared to the depravities visited upon real activists with actual spines in countries such as Cuba — a country, it is worth noting, the American hard-left continues to romanticize. Beyond that bit of absurdity, however, note that if Kerry wins the group has no interest in “counting every vote.” Instead they suggest gathering instead to “celebrate Bush’s involuntary retirement while also setting out a strong statement on the war in Iraq.” Clearly, it is not the number of votes that concerns No Stolen Election, but the outcome. Are they interested in voter fraud if it results in a Kerry victory? Nope. These defenders of democracy will be too busy partying in the streets to riot over that.

In fact, No Stolen Elections’ biggest fear seems to be that the saner elements in the Democratic Party will accept defeat. Cobble criticizes Gore for holding back activists in 2000, noting, “This was a mistake, and we don’t believe the African American community or the unions will be willing to follow the campaign’s lead again.” Instead, Cobble said the activists will be in charge of these recounts.

“We must prod the Democratic Party to stand up this time, not just watch events occur in silence, as was largely the case in 2000,” he writes. “We must encourage the few remaining respected blue-ribbon truth-tellers in our society to stand up and be counted — people like Walter Cronkite, Jimmy Carter, Oprah Winfrey.”

Oh, great. The inmates really are running the Democratic asylum this year, and they want to crown Jimmy Carter and Oprah Winfrey emperor and empress of U.S. elections. If we allow them to run the country, it won’t be good for anyone. Before it’s over George W. Bush could be in Siberian exile, while the much-despised Ralph Nader is forced to drive laps in a Ford Pinto while jeering activists hurl obscenities and tomatoes at him.

Brace yourself America. The aftermath of this election could be much worse than a floor covered in formerly hanging chads.