If I were named to succeed Bob Tyrrell as editor of The American Spectator, my first order would be, “J.P., fetch me a cup of coffee. With cream.”
That is a hypothetical so far-fetched that anything following the introductory clause cannot be understood as a genuine proposal of policy.
Attempting to make a point by a hypothetical, however jocular, is not a mode of discourse one should attempt with the Left: “If I were president…”



