The Spectacle Blog

Homeland Security in Haverford

By on 5.30.14 | 3:11PM

I grew up on Philadelphia’s Main Line in a quiet, little town called Haverford. My parents still live there, and I regularly drive up for a visit. It’s nice to know you can head home as an adult, and still spend the night in the house where you were raised.

Haverford straddles the border between Delaware and Montgomery Counties, some ten miles west of Philadelphia. According to Wikipedia, it’s most notable for being home to the renowned Haverford College and the Merion Cricket Club. The former is best known for its intellectual rigor and Quaker antecedents; the latter for its beautiful grass tennis courts.

The local geography gets a little tricky, but a portion of the unincorporated town of Haverford is part of greater Haverford Township in Delaware County (affectionately known as “Delco”).

Today a friend sent me an article from a local webzine. This is the sort of digital publication that usually leads with headlines about “Cast-Iron Cookware Restoration with Apple Cider and Elbow Grease” and heartfelt features on do-gooding business leaders. So I was surprised to learn that Delco had unveiled a brand-spankin’-new “'SWAT ONE' Crimefighting Vehicle.”

Needless to say, I can now sleep sounder knowing friends and family in the area are defended by a Lenco Bearcat ballistic-engineered armored response vehicle “armed with night-vision optics, a gas-injection system, and a battering ram.”

"It can also withstand hits from a .50-caliber projectile," beamed the DA.

Above you can see the newest addition to the “country’s comprehensive homeland security arsenal,” courtesy of the local prosecutor's office.

Hopefully the cops won’t kill the phone lines next time some kid lights a cherry-bomb and everyone’s forced to shelter in place. I want to know how that battering ram works on my parents’ front door.

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