Willow and Jaden Smith, the children of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, have new albums coming out, and the New York Times thought it might be a good idea to interview them, because artists love to be interviewed when they have something to promote, and because they are children of celebrities they must, by definition, have interesting things to say that could one day prove useful in a deposition. Su Wu, the story’s author, could not have been disappointed.
It turns out, Willow and Jaden Smith have exactly no concept of reality. And I say this knowing that they are kids who have lived sheltered lives of privilege and, extra sheltered in this instance, since their parents are Scientologists and both Willow and Jaden went (for a brief period) to the Scientology sleep-away school that was so creepy, Katie Holmes divorced Tom Cruise and left the religion just so her daughter wouldn’t have to go there. Willow and Jaden Smith simply don’t operate on the same plane as you, or I, or the majority of Earth-bound beings, or the laws of quantum physics, or, for that matter, any other object ever invented, including the “fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness has made,” mentioned in the article.
For starters, neither has a uniform concept of “time.”
WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.
JADEN: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.
WILLOW: Because living.
JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There’s a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it’s living.
WILLOW: It’s the action of it.
Einstein would be apt to agree, at least, very basically. The theory of relativity, however, applies to other sorts of relationships, not the idea that time can be momentarily suspended when you’re in the presence of one or both of the Smith children. Because living. That said, I’ve seen how their mother’s acting can bring an otherwise excellent show to a screeching halt whenever she’s on screen, so perhaps their concept of the relativity of time is not only correct, it’s inherited.
And then, there’s their thoughts on themselves.
WILLOW: I mean, “Whip My Hair” was a great thing. When I look back I think, “Wow, I did so much for young black girls and girls around the world. Telling them that they can be themselves and to not be afraid to be themselves.” And I’m doing that now but in a whole different way, coming from source energy and universal truths. People will be, like, “Oh, I’m not going to make a song about exactly how I feel, all the bad ways that I feel, and put it out in the world so everyone can judge me.” But for me, it’s a part of me, it’s my artistic journey.
Of course, that’s hardly the biggest achievement they credit themselves with. Both describe their debut on the music scene as revolutionary, and you, sweet, innocent America, are better for having heard “Whip My Hair” eighteen gazillion times on KISS FM, because you, as a conscious collective, somehow achieved a new level of honesty through it, a song about whipping hair back and forth.
JADEN: [bursts into laughter] As soon as me and Willow started releasing music, that’s one thing that the whole world took away is, okay, they unlocked another step of honesty. If these guys can be honest about everything, then we can be more honest.
To spoil the rest of the interview for you, the two eschew traditional schooling as things like Drivers Education don’t prevent car accidents, largely because Jaden is unable to recognize an inherent logical fallacy, probably because he eschews traditional schooling (they’re either homeschooled by someone their parents selected from a public park in San Franscico, or not schooled at all). They also don’t read, which is unsurprising, except for novels they themselves produce, which they write and then read in an endless cycle of violence on American literature. They do, however, not eschew modern technology, and while they feel complete in their metaphysical existence, they’re still looking for their parents to buy them Final Cut Pro.
Fortunately, it doesn’t matter what you or I or anyone thinks, they’ll keep doing what they’re doing. We are, after all, only voices in their heads: the strange reflection of a duality of the human brain that expresses itself only through their music, but not at all through their music. Or something.
WILLOW: Caring less what everybody else thinks, but also caring less and less about what your own mind thinks, because what your own mind thinks, sometimes, is the thing that makes you sad.
JADEN: Exactly. Because your mind has a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness. And you can’t listen to your mind in those times — it’ll tell you what you think and also what other people think.
WILLOW: And then you think about what you think, which is very dangerous
As luck would have it, this is probably the only thing our ancestors will unearth from the Internet in their quest to understand how early Twenty First Century people lived.