My wife and I winter at our condo unit in Daytona Beach Shores, Florida, from October to early May, when we return to our place in Western York. Our period of absence coincides almost exactly with the sea turtle egg-laying season. However, there was not enough overlap to prevent us from falling afoul of the local Turtle Nazis.
Allow me to explain. During turtle season, all residents facing the beach have to keep their blinds or drapes shut, allegedly because the light disorients the reptiles’ egg-laying cycle. There is a group of people who keep a watch out for violators, just like the air raid wardens during World War II. They are locally known as the Turtle Nazis.
Last fall, we arrived the week before turtle season was over. The first night, we forgot to close the upstairs drapes. The next day, the condo association notified us with the information that our unit was on report by the Nazis and promised dire consequences for us and the entire condo if there was a second violation.
I imagine jack-booted thugs wearing turtle helmets kicking down the door in the middle of the night and taking us to a concentration camp or animal sanctuary for reeducation.
I don’t know what those consequences are, but I imagine jack-booted thugs wearing turtle helmets kicking down the door in the middle of the night and taking us to a concentration camp or animal sanctuary for reeducation. We have a number of older residents who die of natural causes every year, but do they really?
Like the Gestapo in Nazi Germany, no one knows who the turtle Nazis are. We see mysterious flashlights on the beach at night. I don’t know if they are looking for turtle nests or violators, maybe both. Why the flashlights don’t scare the turtles is a mystery to me. Like the original Gestapo, they probably have fellow traveler informers in each condo and beach community.
Although the above is written mostly tongue-in-cheek, there is a serious underlying issue here. Are the progressive “scientists” who have dragooned cities like Daytona Beach Shores and New Smyrna Beach into light restriction legislation interfering with natural selection?
Electric Lighting has existed in Central Florida for well over a century, and the turtles have survived. Those that adapted are still laying eggs while the less flexible stayed out to sea and didn’t reproduce, probably making the species more resilient. Recently, the PBS series Nature has featured programs on African creatures — particularly elephants — that, absent poaching, are adapting very well to living alongside human development. Some — like Florida alligators — have even become a nuisance.
Other species, such as pandas, might have gone extinct of their own accord decades ago had it not been for human intervention. Pandas are an example. In the wild, they have the sex drive of your average Gen Zer. The effort to save them is generally because they are cute. This is probably why several species of endangered vultures have not yet been protected. They are as charming and lovable as Rosey O’Donnell.
Lest the reader think I am anti-environment, I spent five years as the chair of our Rotary district’s Environmental Action Committee. During that time, we undertook many environmental projects, ranging from creating community wildflower gardens to support pollinators to raising thousands of dollars for Project Stove Team, which builds low-fuel cookstoves for villages in Central America. Those help conserve the rainforests and reduce pollution, as well as making things safer for the villagers. However, the first question I asked before approving any proposed project was, “Will it do any inadvertent harm?” I’m not sure the Turtle Nazis of Central Florida asked that question.
READ MORE from Gary Anderson:
The Marine Corps Is No Longer Ready for Urban Warfare
Barstool Politics: A ‘To Do’ List for the President Before November
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Gary Anderson is a frequent contributor to The American Spectator.
