John Tabin’s note about Mitt Romney’s win in American Samoa — Mormons in Samoa? Who knew? — is proof that Ron Paul is right: The United States has paid a terrible price for its overseas expansionism, going back to the McKinley administration.
Ever since Guam went unanimously for Romney, I’ve begun to regret the U.S. victory in the Spanish-American War, just as Mitt’s win in Florida made me realize we should have left Florida to the Seminoles, the Spanish and the alligators. But while it may be too late to sell Florida back to Spain — with their debt problems, the Spanish couldn’t afford it — there’s still a chance we could rid ourselves of those pesky Pacific Island territories that keep voting for the wrong candidate.
Guam, American Samoa, the Northern Marianas Islands — sell them all to China!
We could arrange a swap, letting Beijing have those isolated atolls and archipelagos in exchange for a reduction in whatever share of our national debt is held by the Chinese.
Of course, these territorial acquisitions might cause headaches for the ChiCom dictatorship. But once they’ve rounded up the Romney delegates and shipped those troublemakers off to forced-labor camps, I’m sure the People’s Republic will be pleased with their glorious new Pacific empire. What could possibly go wrong?