News of the Future — Moderate Syrian Rebel Edition - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
News of the Future — Moderate Syrian Rebel Edition

Mosul, Iraq, October 8, 2014 — Multiple sources have confirmed that Free Syrian Army (“FSA”) forces, part of the “moderate” rebel groups recently trained and armed by the Obama administration, have defeated three small groups of ISIS fighters — with perhaps 25 to 40 members of the terrorist organization killed in each battle — on the outskirts of Raqqa, the Syrian city thought to be home to ISIS leadership. In his daily briefing, a smirking White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said, “Today’s victories conclusively prove that the president’s critics were operating from ignorance and partisanship, and not in the best interests of the United States and the region.” President Obama is scheduled to appear on NBC’s Meet the Press this Sunday to discuss this rare Middle East success for his administration.

Mosul, Iraq, October 13, 2014 — Turning away from battling ISIS forces which have regrouped and repelled each FSA attack since the “moderates’” modest victories last week, the Free Syrian Army has returned to what its leadership has consistently said is its true goal: attacking the forces of the Assad regime. Although the FSA has some weapons superior to those used by the Syrian government’s regular army forces, especially in small and vehicle-mounted guns, there appear to be both Russian and Iranian military advisors serving alongside the Assad forces and giving them a distinct tactical advantage over the quickly trained FSA. So far, while the FSA has not lost many men, they have not taken any new ground and have ceded control of several small towns and villages in northern Syria to government forces. When asked about the events, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said simply, “We can’t expect never to lose any battles against a foe as extreme as ISIS.” When pointed out by a reporter that the battle did not involve ISIS, Mr. Earnest offered only, “Just remember, Osama bin Laden is dead. We don’t have anything to prove.”

Kirkuk, Iraq, October 14, 2014 — FSA forces positioned to encircle an Assad regime army post were bombed and strafed by the Syrian Air Force, killing nearly 100 FSA soldiers and causing a panicked retreat by the rebels. During the daily Pentagon briefing, spokesman Rear Admiral John Kirby was asked about Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel’s September testimony before the Senate Armed Services Committee in which Hagel said that the U.S. “will help” rebel groups if they are attacked by Bashar Assad’s forces. RADM Kirby, appearing frustrated, said, “CENTCOM commanders are ready to act on the president’s orders at a moment’s notice.” When pressed by CNN’s Pentagon correspondent who asked, “Does that mean we expect to use American military force against the Assad regime in the short term to defend the FSA forces we have trained?” Kirby said, “Again, that call must come from the White House.” White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest declined to answer the same question, saying only that “we don’t comment on ongoing military operations.” Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), in a joint press conference with Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), noted that “this sort of uncertainty and indecision is precisely what we have been warning against. It emboldens our enemies and makes our allies question what little credibility we have left.”

Ankara, Turkey, October 17, 2014 — In what was supposed to be a secret meeting between senior U.S. military officials and leaders of the Free Syrian Army in the town of Ceylanpinar in southern Turkey, a member of an FSA colonel’s security team turned his weapon on the American contingent, killing two, including a U.S. Army major involved in coordinating training of “moderate” rebel forces by the U.S. military. Three other Americans were injured, one critically, before the terrorist infiltrator was killed by shots fired by both FSA and American soldiers. President Obama, at a joint press conference while meeting with the premier of Bermuda, said he did not have enough information about the event to comment about it specifically but added, “We are counting on our friends in the moderate Syrian groups to uphold their part of our mutual agreement.” The president and premier then enjoyed a round of golf at the exclusive Mid Ocean Club where they were joined by club regular, former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Deputy Undersecretary of State Aymin Tudiep (known for his controversial comments about “the Zionist entity”) will receive the caskets of the fallen in a brief untelevised ceremony at Joint Base Andrews on Thursday. Senator John McCain remarked, “This tragic but isolated event must not deter us from working with our good friends in the FSA.”

Mosul, Iraq, October 20, 2014 — Nearly a week after U.S.-trained and U.S.-equipped FSA forces were attacked by the Syrian Air Force, the United States flew its first military mission over Syria in support of an advancing FSA column. The Pentagon said it did not know whether the FSA soldiers were moving against an Assad regime position or an ISIS position, nor whether the FSA’s assault was successful. As widely reported in recent weeks, no member of President Obama’s “40-country coalition” has a single soldier on the ground in Syria and therefore details of the battle remain spotty. To the east, following President Obama’s reversal on a position of “no boots on the ground,” the U.S. presence in Iraq has been reduced due to the Obama administration’s sending another 525 U.S. military personnel to West Africa to help with that region’s Ebola outbreak. Local Kurdish commanders have said that lack of American attention is hampering progress against ISIS in northern Iraq. In Sierra Leone, two American soldiers have died from the Ebola virus and three others are in intensive care, now being treated in an isolation facility at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. Several wives of soldiers protested outside the White House gates, holding signs saying, “Our husbands fight terrorists, not viruses!” and “They’re soldiers, not nurses.”

Mosul, Iraq, October 21, 2014 — An American AC-130 Spectre gunship flying a support mission in Syria was shot down by an apparent shoulder-fired MANPADS missile. Neither the Assad regime nor ISIS has claimed responsibility for the downing of the aircraft. According to witnesses, one pilot appeared to have ejected before the airplane crashed and exploded but his whereabouts are unknown. Given the recent “green-on-blue” attack in Turkey and the fact that the FSA is known to possess a handful of MANPADS thought to have been smuggled from Libya via Turkey, the U.S. cannot rule out that the missile may have been fired by our “allies” in the ongoing multi-faction war in Syria.

Mosul, Iraq, October 24, 2014 — A horrific video has appeared on YouTube showing the beheading and bodily mutilation of USAF Lt. Johnny Galvin, co-pilot of the AC-130 gunship that was shot down in Syria three days ago. A previously unknown group calling itself The Righteous Warriors of Allah claimed responsibility for the murder. Galvin was the only member of the crew believed to have survived the missile attack on the plane. Lt. Galvin is survived by his wife, Katy, 26, and their two-year-old daughter, Kylie.

Mosul, Iraq, October 26, 2014 — President Obama today announced a temporary cessation of U.S. military flights over Syria. Within hours, a large ISIS force attacked a key FSA compound just east of Rasafeh, Syria, overrunning the moderate rebel base and leaving a substantial cache of American weapons in the hands of ISIS terrorists. Speaking at a town hall meeting near Tucson, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) suggested that “A surge has worked for us before. Perhaps it is worth considering again.”

Washington, D.C., October 31, 2014 — After days of withering criticism, Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel offered his resignation today. At the daily White House briefing, Press Secretary Josh Earnest said, “President Obama is extremely grateful for Secretary Hagel’s service to his nation.” A Senate Armed Services Committee staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the Committee is being told to expect President Obama’s nominee to fill the position to be Dr. Ivory Tower, a liberal professor of history at Swarthmore College specializing in the late Ottoman Empire period in the Middle East. When asked about the likely nominee, noted military historian Victor Davis Hanson said, “Beside the too-obvious coincidence of Professor Tower’s name, her lack of understanding of the nature of warfare is exceeded only by her lack of real-world experience or substantial depth in any area of study or endeavor. In short, she is par for the course for this president, and a perfect fit for Swarthmore. While she’s certainly not someone I would select to run our Defense Department, she’s not likely to be a lot worse than the previous occupant of that office.”

Las Vegas, NV, November 4, 2014 — A few minutes after 9 PM local time here in Nevada, Senator Harry Reid called his Republican counterpart, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY), to congratulate him on becoming the new Majority Leader after Republicans won a net seven seats to take a 52-48 majority in the United States Senate. In a brief statement, President Obama, vacationing in Hawaii and just finishing the 211th round of golf of his presidency, said, “I look forward to working with the new Senate majority. But let me be clear: due to the intransigence of Republicans, Americans should continue to expect my administration to act primarily through executive branch actions. And Senator McConnell should know up front that I will veto any legislation that rolls back the progress we’ve made in ensuring quality, affordable health care for all Americans.”

Washington, D.C., November 5, 2014 — The Inspector General of the Department of Health and Human Services has issued a report saying that the cost of Obamacare over the next decade will be at least $75 billion higher than previously estimated due to higher subsidies for former illegal immigrants and skyrocketing Medicaid and subsidy fraud. The report also states that the average wait time to see a specialist in the United States has risen to a new record of 22 days and that more than seven million Americans who switched to Obamacare plans no longer have access to their preferred doctors. Additionally, an estimated 1,150 abortions were performed in the first two months in FY2015 for women whose health coverage is subsidized by the federal government in violation of federal law, an executive order, and President Obama’s explicit promises during the debate leading up to the party-line passage of the Affordable Care Act. Former Michigan Congressman Bart Stupak, a pro-life Democrat who supported Obamacare after being promised by the president that he would not allow government-subsidized abortions and who retired in 2010 (rather than face an almost certain election loss), said, “I suppose I should have known better — Paul Ryan tried to tell me at the time — but it’s clear to me now that President Obama lied to me. I’m very sorry I believed him and failed the country.” Senator Jerry Moran (R-KS), chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, questioned the timing of the report, noting, “If this had come out even 24 hours earlier, we might have won the Senate race in Alaska and had an even larger majority going forward.” Press Secretary Josh Earnest said only that he had not had time to review the report.

Hope, Arkansas, November 12, 2014 — Former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her candidacy for the presidency of the United States today. Her campaign kick-off speech was remarkable for its persistent contrasts with — some might say insults of — President Obama, criticizing him on issues including Syria, Ukraine, the economy, immigration, tax reform, and Obamacare though details of what she would do differently were noticeably absent from her remarks. As rumors persist of increasing friction between the Clinton and Obama families, Mrs. Clinton feels little fear in criticizing a president whose poll numbers continue to drop due to public perception of administration failures in both foreign and domestic policy. However, Mrs. Clinton’s own polling has been on a substantial downtrend following recent revelations about an apparent cover-up of the State Department’s failures leading up to and during the September 2012 terrorist attack on U.S. compounds in Benghazi, Libya. She is nevertheless considered a slight favorite two years ahead of the next presidential election with no GOP front-runner clearly visible.

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