Another year rolls to an end. G-d made it beautiful. Some people adorned the beauty. Others made it ugly. Thus it was like every other year. Remember these moments?
Mitt Romney got elected a United States Senator and made his welcome felt by publishing a screed in the Washington Post on New Year’s Day 2019 attacking President Trump. Hi, Mitt. Welcome back, bane of the Capitol. We missed you, your sage advice, your Romneycare in Massachusetts that served as Obama’s blueprint, and your electoral know-how that gave us four extra years of Obama. You had your chance. We dutifully fell into line after you got nominated, and we supported and backed you, loyally defended you and voted for you. The Democrats and their Corrupt Journalist Corps trashed you, finding stories about driving with a dog on your car roof, about high school pranks, lied about you and whether you properly filed taxes. You showed us how a dignified man does not let those vicious attacks prompt him to respond in kind. You showed us how to remain elegant, impeccable, in the face of the inevitable and predictable Democrat campaign of character assassination. In other words, you showed us how to lose four more years to Obama. So we tried your way. The next time the mood strikes you to write an op-ed against the President who is implementing all the programs and ideas that you never could, why not draft a first copy on an Etch a Sketch? And then erase it and start again.
We soon got into a tussle between Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi over the budget and the President’s demand for funding for the Wall. He threatened to close down the government if he did not get his funding. She said she would not invite him to deliver the State of the Union (SOTU) address. He contemplated delivering it at some stadium somewhere. The Corrupt Journalist Corps assured us that the voters in November 2020 never would forget nor forgive how the President had closed down the government, would hold him accountable for it, and would blame him for interfering with their trips to national parks. Trump, unlike Obama, kept the parks open and the war monuments open during the shutdown, and eventually the government was re-opened. As the Corrupt Journalist Corps predicted, voters never have forgotten that the government was closed for a brief time during the fight over Wall funding. It remained the Number One topic of discussion all year, just as CNN and MSNBC had predicted.
With the shutdown in progress, the President invited the NCAA collegiate-champion Clemson Tigers football team to the White House as a treat celebrating their decisive victory over the Crimson Tide of Alabama. Because of the government shutdown, the White House chef was on leave, so the President served the football players fast-food burgers and fries instead of fancy White House cuisine. He also joked to the players that he could have had his and Mike Pence’s wives instead make the boys some salads, but he figured that college football guys would prefer the Big Macs. There ensued the usual predictable uproar among the Democrat-CNN-MSNBC-WaPo–NYT Left: the President is sexist, misogynist. Since when do we associate women with making salads? Everyone knows that men typically make the salads, and women typically mine the coal. If only the Corrupt Journalist Corps would lettuce alone.
The memory of sexism and misogyny necessarily takes us to the Super Bowl, for those few conservatives who still watch the NFL, and what would the Super Bowl be without pizza and Gillette razor ads aimed at feminizing men? They gave us a TV ad that presented a grand new vision of American masculinity melting into a nation of Girlie Men — the perfect image to ward off threats from Iran, North Korea, ISIS, and China. Meanwhile, the vaunted and overblown “Women’s March” proved a dud on only its first anniversary, as the founders resigned in protest that the “movement” had been taken over by a group of racists and Jew-haters, including but not limited to Linda Sarsour and Tamika Mallory, a protégé of both Al Sharpton and Louis Farrakhan, each of whom may have been ordained. One by one, “Women’s March” chapters across the country pulled out. Madonna was left without a platform to blow up; Ashley Judd was in protective custody from herself.
Still, the Corrupt Journalist Corps found a D.C. demonstration they could sink their teeth into. For the annual D.C. March for Life, a group of Catholic High School teens from Covington, Kentucky, found themselves caught in an intersectional crossfire, with so-called “Black Hebrews” cursing them from one side and an Indian with a drum beating some war dance on the other. The Indian with the drum pounded his tom-tom right in the face of an unsuspecting Catholic schoolboy, Nick Sandman, who responded with incredible maturity and simply smiled. The kid deserved the Nobel Peace Prize, but the Corrupt Journalist Corps instead posted and tweeted that the kid was not smiling but “smirking” because he was a — RACIST!!! — and there ensued a Classic Fake News moment, as the liars posted only a snippet of video of what had transpired. Unexpectedly, it emerged that someone else had filmed the whole thing, resulting not only in Nick and the Catholic schoolboys being vindicated, but in the usual game of the media refusing to admit fault, stories emerging that the Indian had not been the war hero that the Corrupt Journalist Corps had portrayed but instead departed from the armed forces without honor. To their shame, the boys’ own Catholic diocese had sold them out and condemned them initially before backtracking. Fittingly, in what hopefully will become a trend, the Sandmans ended up suing the Washington Post and several other corrupt media for defamation.
The War on Catholics continued beyond the character assassination of Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh and the defamation of Nick Sandman, as Dianne Feinstein, herself a fallen Catholic and graduate of San Francisco’s Convent of the Sacred Heart High School, interrogated Judge Amy Barrett prior to her ascent to the U.S. Seventh Circuit, en route eventually to the U.S. Supreme Court, for being Catholic: “The dogma lives loudly within you,” Feinstein bleated. Next, Mazie Hirono, the 99th smartest Senator in the United States, a Buddhist from Hawaii, went after Judge Brian Buescher, President Trump’s nominee for a federal district judicial seat in Nebraska, for being a member of the Knights of Columbus, a Catholic fraternal group. But Catholics could take heart by year’s end when Nancy Pelosi assured the Corrupt Journalist Corps that “as a Catholic,” she preys for the President every day.
While none in the Left media cared about the attacks on Catholics, they raced to attack Jim Jordan for “anti-Semitism” when the Ohio Congressman attacked Tom $teyer for throwing money around to influence elections. The thing is, Tom $teyer is not even Jewish. Oh well. The accusation still played for a day. Meanwhile, the real Jew Haters of 2019 — Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib — both tweeted memes suitable for the Hitler Nazi era, but got free passes as the Democrat House refused to pass a resolution condemning anti-Semitism and instead muddied the wording to condemn instead every conceivable anti-ism except for anti-Republicanism and anti-White Male-ism.
Despite the Jew-hatred from Tlaib and Omar, Israel had a pretty good year. Their robust democracy witnessed an exciting election in April, just before Passover, that resulted in no one being able to assemble a governing coalition. As a result, the Middle East’s only Western-style democracy had another riveting national election in September, just before Rosh Hashanah, that resulted in no one being able to assemble a governing coalition. They next will have a thrilling national election in March, just before Purim, that presumably will result in no one being able to assemble a governing coalition. As a result, Benjamin Netanyahu continues as caretaker Prime Minister, with his chief rival Benjamin Gantz revving up for the third contest. Or as the Jew-hating Ilhan Omar would tweet, “It’s about the Benjamins, baby.” During the year, having already recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and having moved America’s Israel embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, President Trump recognized Israeli sovereignty over the Golan Heights, thus nullifying instantly with his pen and phone the Obama-Kerry stab-in-the-back when Obama ordered his UN Ambassador not to veto Security Council resolution 2334 during the final days of the Wasted Obama Decade. Trump pulled the United States out of the hate-filled UN Human Rights Council that is comprised of dictatorships and torture regimes, closed down the PLO office in Washington, cut off funding of the UNRWA, a UN agency that runs schools in areas like Gaza where they teach Arab children in their textbooks to hate Jews, and had his Secretary of State declare that Jewish communities in Judea and Samaria (the “West Bank”) are legal unless declared otherwise by the Israeli Supreme Court. The President further signed an executive order that included anti-Semitism as a form of hate under Title VI of the 1964 Civil Rights Act that disqualifies recipients of federal funds for facilitating hate. As a result, the Coalition for Jewish Values, comprising more than 1,000 Orthodox rabbis, thanked the President heartily, while the usual gaggle of leftist Jewish organizations, including J Street and the Obama-lite ADL, found reasons throughout the year to associate the President with “anti-Semitism.”
Once the Democrats’ House finally opened for business, the newly elected moderate Democrats from swing states rapidly were ushered into an orientation to teach them how to serve in Congress. On their Final exam, they all passed with flying colors as they elected Nancy Pelosi their Speaker, demonstrating that they had mastered the art of breaking sworn promises made to their voters. Fittingly, with Speaker Pelosi back in charge of the gavel, the new Democrats celebrated their House victory by calling their first witness to testify before the 116th Congress. Rather than opting for a Nobel Prize winner, they invited Michael “Cash Cab” Cohen, whose “explosive bombshell” sworn testimony not only raised eyebrows but also augured his road to the hoosegow while barely displacing a pebble. Soon, the holes in his testimony became apparent. He now dwells in a residence operated by the United States government, with his rent and meals paid for by the grateful taxpayers as a sign of their munificence. In this, his destiny seems to adumbrate the fate of another world-class lawyer, Michael Avenatti, Esquire, whose run for the presidency, powered by CNN and MSNBC and the Democrats, seems to have detoured amid his arrest for allegedly trying to extort $25 million out of Nike at a time when he reportedly was $15 million in debt despite being personal counsel to Ms. Stormy Daniels. The much-admired stripper and pole dancer relieved said Avenatti of further servicing her.
The battle for The Wall continued throughout the year. Democrats explained that they also want border security — they yearn for it — but The Wall is the wrong way to proceed because there are better ways to keep out Illegals, like hi-tech digital equipment and helicopters patrolling. To demonstrate their own shared concern that too many Illegals are sneaking in, Democrats continued declaring one urban stronghold of theirs after another “Sanctuary Cities,” defying the Constitution and ordering police and government officials to refuse to cooperate with the federal government. That way the Illegals no longer have to sneak. Meantime, while they opted not to legislate and instead to devote their time in the House by “Resisting,” the President proceeded to focus on getting record numbers of new federal judges, with lifetime tenure, approved by the Senate. By year’s end he would have gotten 50 appellate judges through, along with so many district judges that one-fourth of all federal judges now sitting are Trump appointments. In so doing, he flipped two circuits from Democrat-majority to Republican-majority, and he has narrowed the Impossible Ninth to a 16-14 split. As for The Wall, he declared that need a “national emergency,” which sent Democrats into conniptions and then into forum-shopping for Obama Judges in the Ninth Circuit. But the President leveraged that declaration to free up millions of dollars, and The Wall proceeds. CNN in particular remained focused on demonstrating the nonsense of The Wall. To prove its point, their crack journalist Jim Acosta had himself filmed walking along a stretch of the border wall, noting that there was not a single solitary Illegal trying to cross into America anywhere along his walk. Acosta beamed that the absence of Illegals in the area proved that a Wall is an unnecessary contrivance. It took thousands on Twitter to enlighten the schmendrick that, d’uh, it was because of that Wall that there were no streams of Illegals surging across nor even in sight.
There was not much time allowed for laughing at Acosta because, soon enough, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (hereinafter “The Hyphen”) took the comedy mike and did her own stand-up routine, declaring that the world would end in Twelve Years. This caused immediate concern because that time frame seemed inadequate to allow for the Mueller Investigation to end. Or the Horowitz Investigation. Or the Durham Investigation. But The Hyphen proceeded to present a “Green New Deal” that focused on ending all trips to Hawaii or anywhere else except those traveled by train, because air travel would be banned. Oil and gasoline and hydrofracturing would be banned. All buildings in America would have to be retro-fitted. Meat would have to be banned because cows fart too much. When some joked “What will they ban next for farting, babies?” the humor proved providential as a supporter of The Hyphen arose at a Hyphen town hall to declare that all babies now must be eaten. Interestingly, RINOs were studying the proposals, perhaps seeking compromise like an agreement to feed all cows with antacids and Prilosec. Throughout the year, The Hyphen continued updating her stand-up material, passionately telling an audience of ignoramuses who sup knowledge from her that the 22nd Amendment, limiting a President to two terms, was passed by right-wing extremists to prevent Franklin Roosevelt from seeking another term. Actually, it was G-d Who had stopped FDR at four because Roosevelt died long before the 22nd Amendment was passed. The Hyphen also tried some funny lines, comparing America’s southern border humanitarian facilities for Illegals to Hitler Nazi concentration camps, forgetting that the people in Auschwitz, Dachau, Buchenwald, Majdanek, Bergen-Belsen, Sobibor, Treblinka, and other such places had not voluntarily risked their lives and possessions, breaking any and all immigration laws, in a desperate effort to get into one of them. Also, the ICE facilities, unlike those camps, offer free food and healthcare, while the Nazi concentration camps imposed 15-hour slave-labor work days, human medical experimentation, gas chambers, and crematoria. By year’s end, The Hyphen was working on new material, most famously telling the media that she is ready to be Vice President of America. No one explained to her that the office would not make her the president of vice.
Meanwhile, the FBI called out its toughest SWAT team in a daring midnight raid, not to catch Peter Strzok and Lisa Page but to arrest one Roger Stone with live CNN coverage of the death-defying moment. Who tipped off CNN to be there live? Perhaps ISIS. Perhaps Jussie Smollett? Perhaps George Conway?
Part Two next time.