John Kerry, Frequent Flier, Outraged at Fossil Fuel Usage - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
John Kerry, Frequent Flier, Outraged at Fossil Fuel Usage

Last year, John Kerry logged a lot of travel in his position as Secretary of State. By November of this year, he’s certain to log many, many, many more. 

As these trips necessarily involve going over large bodies of water, and as we have yet to invent a reliable method of transportation that replaces private air travel, such as a Star Trek transporter that allows John Kerry to hop from capitol to capitol in a sparkly haze of atoms, John Kerry is still forced to rely on fossil fuels. And even if he’s not traveling for work, his home, cars and yacht don’t run on puppy farts and rays of sunshine.

But being that he’s John Kerry, it matters not how much of a carbon footprint he leaves behind. You see, he is very busy and important, saving the world from the greatest threat to humanity, carbon emissions. As such, his movement and egregious consumption of dead dinosaur juice is not only justified, it is warranted and necessary in the service of something much greater than the sum of John Kerry. 

You, however, peon, should just get over this whole “fossil fuel” business and start riding around on a donkey like the uneducated caveman that you are. Don’t you want to save the Earth?

Secretary of State John Kerry issued a passionate call Thursday for nations to forgo the short-term lure of “outdated” fossil fuels — but he offered no hint of where he stands on the Canadian heavy-oil pipeline project that is still under his department’s review.

“It is time, my friends, for people to do real cost accounting,” Kerry said in a speech on climate change at the Atlantic Council. “The bottom line is that we can’t only factor in the price of immediate energy needs. We have to factor in the cost of long-term carbon pollution. We have to factor in survival.”

And if nations fail to do that, he warned, the implications for the future will be grim.

“Gambling with the future of Earth itself when we know full well what the outcome would be is beyond reckless,” he said. “It is just plain immoral. And it is a risk that no one should take.

“We need to face reality,” he added. “There is no ‘Planet B.’”

Of course, by the time we get to the point where it’s more “we need to leave Earth because we’re frying up,” and less “penguins are getting a suntan,” my generation will be pushing up daisies in the barren, fossil-fuel compromised wasteland. At least, while Kerry and his overlord have little problem saddling future generations with copious debt, they are, to some degree, concerned that my great-great-great-great-grandchildred will be able to perform the duties of their indentured servitude to the government in the best environmental conditions possible.

I jest, of course. I am as concerned about the longevity of our resources as the next person who drives a mostly-hybrid vehicle and grows many of their own vegetables. Environmental stewardship is always a good idea, even though the government – especially the United Nations, which couldn’t steward it’s way out of a wet, biodegradable paper bag – is not in the best position to move the sustainable energy industry forward in absolutely any way. John Kerry is like the blind energy consumer leading the blind. In one trip overseas to, say, Paris for the UN Climate Change summit later this year, a distance of some 7,710 miles Kerry himself, his own hot air not included, will emit around 15 tons of carbon. Kerry has taken around 30 or so overseas trips in the last year, many to places further than Paris, but even if we assume all round trips are the same length, at 15 tons of carbon per trip, Kerry will have emitted 450 tons of carbon into the atmosphere. The average America, in the same amount of time, assuming no overseas air travel will have emitted, on average, a whopping 19 tons, or about 5% of Kerry’s emissions. 

So, what have we learned? Perhaps that the easiest way to avoid a search for Planet B would be for John Kerry – and only John Kerry – to heed his own advice and forget those outdated, anachronistic, carbon-spewing methods of travel. 

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