Last night, the Guardian broke some Very Important News: that, cognisant of the incredible outpouring of love and support for Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, both of whom are clearly anti-woman, Hillary Clinton feels that she must enter the race sooner than later. Despite running behind nearly every Republican in nearly every poll, the nation is clamoring for her ancient, sage wisdom, her dedicated foreign policy leadership and a reminder of times gone by, when comprehensive healthcare overhauls failed and First Families hurled bedside lamps instead of wilting vegetables.
So, this weekend, Hillary Clinton will take to Twitter and announce her candidacy in 140 characters or less, en route to her first campaign stop in Iowa.
Hillary Clinton is expected to officially declare her candidacy for president on ‘Sunday afternoon,’ according to a Democratic Party source in Iowa.
The Clinton partisan spoke to Daily Mail Online on background, saying the former secretary of state will first put her name forward for the White House on Twitter, and then barnstorm the Hawkeye State in what the Associated Press calls a series of ‘small’ meetings with voters.
Separately, an Iowa Republcian Party official said on-the-ground forces loyal to Hillary are rounding up Democrats via phone trees and emails in preparation of campaign appearances early in the coming week.
A New Hampshire GOP political operative who works for a likely candidate who hasn’t yet launched a campaign added that Clinton’s efforts in the state are ‘surprisingly slow, given her primary victory here in 2008.’
Clinton will fly to New Hampshire after her Iowa swing.
A “series of small meetings with voters” isn’t exactly BARNSTORMING Iowa, but I suppose that’s the Daily Mail’s words, not hers, and it’s hard to get clicks from a Hillary Clinton story when your top headline is about how Kendall Jenner and Justin Bieber are kindling a summer romance, so this has got to sound as exciting as humanly possible. Because, let’s face it, we’ve been girding our loins for a Hillary Clinton candidacy for, what, almost a decade now? It certainly feels like it. We’ve only known that Kendall Jenner and Justin Bieber were made for each other since, like, Monday.
At any rate, I’m sure I’ll bring you coverage of Hillary Clinton’s Twitter announcement live, because that’s what I do for you people, but until then, just consider how lucky we are to live in the pre-Clinton announcement moment. We don’t yet have to hear what Hillary Clinton thinks about everything because we’re not yet being made to care. She has yet to do any interviews about her fashion sense or her foreign policy experience, and, since she’ll be humanizing herself with an “image consultant,” we have yet to hear anything about her yoga routine. Because remember, America, Hillary Clinton does yoga.
And you got that visual from me first.