Guess what guys? Hillary Clinton is running for President!
I am absolutely floored, as I know you are. Today, several hours later than originally planned (isn’t is just like a woman to be late to her own Presidential campaign announcement? har.), Hillary Clinton released a two-minute video called “Getting Started,” and a logo that, by the looks of it, was made using Microsoft Paint and some clip art of the internationally-recognized symbol for “hospital.”
In the video, regular people explain their regular problems to other regular people who have other regular problems. At the end, Hillary Clinton herself announces (in front of her $2 million New York mansion, of course), that the people need a champion, and thanks to the outpouring of support and expectation from exactly no one, she knows that she is that champion.
Clinton isn’t seen until about 1 minute and 34 seconds into the 2 minute 18 second video that’s heavy with John Doe’s talking about “getting started” on something: tomato growing, starting a family, going back to work, getting married to their partner, retiring, etc.
“I’m getting ready to do something too. I’m running for president,” Clinton said when she finally shows up, inviting voters to jump on her bandwagon, “Because it’s your time and I hope you’ll join me on this journey.”
I’m not even kidding about the logo, you guys. It looked like someone threw it together in a dark room after a couple of whiskey sours. Either that, or some overpaid consultant, charged with making Hillary Clinton look appealing to regular, everyday Americans, though the best thing to do was demonstrate exactly how poor her grasp of technology really is:
Is that arrow going forward? Backward? Rightward? Will it help you find her hidden gold? The nearest Emergency Room? The world may never know.
What we do know is that Hillary Clinton, to no one’s surprise except, perhaps, Hillary Clinton’s, is now in the running for the Democratic nomination for President. And although the video does not specify any exact reason to vote for her, other than that she’s the “People’s Candidate,” something that’s rather hard to believe, it’s very clear that Hillary is counting on America’s overwhelming fatigue over voting for only rich, white, men who think they know what’s best for them — which will, hopefully, encourage them to vote for a rich, white, woman who knows what’s best for them — and their 1990s nostalgia. After all, America has welcomed back worse castoffs from last century, why not the lesser Clinton?
If she’s intent on running a more professional campaign this time, as some insiders have said, the video, at least, is an indication of that. Its slick production values look more like an insurance commercial than a campaign announcement, and it came on the heels of a memo from Clinton’s campaign head, Robby Mook, outlining how the upper eschelons of Clinton’s campaign will work as a collaborative team, unlike in 2008, when they all spent most of the campaign trying to stab each other in the face. This is probably where all that yoga is going to come in handy.
UPDATE: Now that the HillaryClinton.com website has recovered, let’s play a Spectator comments game. Fair readers, is this the Hillary Clinton homepage banner photo or the front page of a brochure for a high-end assisted living facility?