Amanda Gorman’s poem at Joe Biden’s inauguration has touched me so deeply that as I write this I’m afraid I might be turning into a Gladiolus. Sweet syrup drips from my ears, and Chanel No. 5 wells in my eyes. If you come across any typos, the rivers of tears streaming down my cheeks and clouding my vision are to blame.
When day comes we ask ourselves,
where can we find light in this never-ending shade?
Oh, Lord! Try using the switch by the door, dear!
We will not be turned around
or interrupted by intimidation.
I knew you would raise your voice in protest against censorship from Jack Dorsey!
Not since Shakespeare’s 18th Sonnet has humanity laid witness to such a display of lyrical beauty. Gorman’s words brought with them a bright new dawn, illuminating a darkened America. Our lives are full of love once more, and in some part of the world God has spared the life of a little kitten.
If we merge mercy with might,
and might with right,
then love becomes our legacy.
Incredible! With Biden you can pay the IRS with kisses!
The other day, during her performance, beautiful Amanda Gorman moved her hands with such sensuality I suspect few people paid much attention to her words. I did, and now I live in the melancholy of a love in the making.
We lay down our arms
so we can reach out our arms
to one another.
In the light of her verses, I propose we return to the Summer of Love. Fight the pandemic as we fought the Vietnam War. Yes. Let’s stop the virus with verses! Let’s vaccinate ourselves against intolerance! Let’s protect ourselves from hate! Let’s stop the coronavirus by holding hands and singing John Lennon songs! Let’s make love and not the flu! Let’s drink like pigs! Let’s give the pangolins a chance! What the hell, let’s kiss!
Well, maybe the kissing thing isn’t such a good idea. I wouldn’t want to choke to death on a mask, but then again, who cares? Salvation already resides in the White House. Harp strings sound from within my chest. With his characteristic courage and heroism, Biden has finally succeeded in reclaiming America’s soul. Who cares if he is trying to sell it to the devil?
Here from a distance, in Mediterranean Europe, we are already feeling the effects of this red tide of good vibes. And I have detected an amazing phenomenon. Magic is replacing the pandemic. It’s a feat worthy of Houdini. When the vaccine comes into contact with a socialist, poof! The vaccine disappears.
Here are some measures that the socialists and communists governing my country are taking regarding the management of the vaccines, and which Comrade Biden should also apply immediately, right after naming Amanda Gorman to replace Dr. Fauci:
Measure: The European Union and the Ministry of Health exclusively manage the even distribution of vaccines, both order and priorities.
Consequence: Lots of mayors, friends, and other politicians have been caught stealing doses and getting themselves vaccinated. If among the side effects of the vaccine is growing wings, the sky over Spain will darken before the end of this week.
Measure: Prohibiting private health care and companies from accessing vaccines on their own.
Consequence: The smuggling of vaccines on the black market.
Measure: The Spanish government announces the purchase of 30 million vaccines.
Consequence: The government has forgotten to buy the right syringes, and the vaccines are being wasted. (This is my favorite measure. A stroke of genius.)
Measure: The government announces resale of vaccines to Andorra “out of comradeship.” (Note for Americans: Andorra is the only country in the world where you can lie down with your head in one country and your feet in another.)
Consequence 1: The government suspends the vaccination calendar for Spanish people due to lack of vaccines.
Consequence 2: The government tightens quarantine in Spain.
Consequence 3: Spaniards are fed up with the government. To ease the tension, we write love letters to Amanda Gorman.
Illuminated by the light of my beloved Amanda and the darkness of Kamala Harris, Biden has also taken his first steps towards defeating the pandemic. America’s health improves at a formidable pace. Biden has put the lives of Americans in the hands of the WHO’s Xi Jinping (no one knows a virus quite like its creator) and under the leadership of a person who appears before the media wearing a lady’s wig and is said to be a brilliant pediatrician, even though at 64 years of age he still doesn’t know if he is a boy or a girl, if it’s Richard or Rachel. Nothing can go wrong.
Itxu Díaz is a Spanish journalist, political satirist and author. He has written nine books on topics as diverse as politics, music, and smart appliances. He is a contributor to the Daily Beast, the Daily Caller, National Review, the American Conservative, The American Spectator, and Diario Las Américas in the United States, and is a columnist for several Spanish magazines and newspapers. He was also an adviser to the Ministry for Education, Culture, and Sports in Spain. Follow him on Twitter at @itxudiaz or visit his website: www.itxudiaz.com.
Translated by Joel Dalmau
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