Shutdown Apocalypse: Nasdaq Closes at Highest Point Since 2001
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By now, you’ve probably heard about the horrors that have swept America as a consequence of the government shutdown. Small towns are collapsing into the ground as government employees wander the streets searching for a subsidy or at least something to help defend against the cannibals who have been roaming the countryside at night taking advantage of the total lack of law enforcement to further plunge the nation into a state of anarchy as—

The Dow Jones Industrial Average climbed 62 points, or 0.41%, to 15192, the S&P 500 gained 13.5 points, or 0.8%, to 1695 and the Nasdaq Composite climbed 46.5 points, or 1.2%, to 3818.

Wall Street has a propensity for getting over things fast. Such was the case Tuesday, when the markets pushed higher on the heels of a historic government shutdown. Indeed, the Nasdaq closed at its highest level since 2001 in the day.

Oh. Well. That’s interesting.

But didn’t the president have something to say about that?

“A shutdown will have a very real economic impact on real people right away. It would throw a wrench into the gears of our economy at a time when those gears have gained some traction.”

To be fair, the Department of Energy is warning that its website may not be fully updated until after funding is restored. So, you know, there’s that. Damned Republicans.

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