Al Franken's Blue Ball - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Al Franken’s Blue Ball

WASHINGTON — The Minnesota Supreme Court has now ended months of vote fraud and other assorted acts of skullduggery to pronounce Al Franken winner of the state’s 2008 senatorial race over Republican Norm Coleman. The process was unseemly, and it is conceivable that the court’s justices merely acted out of civic pride. They did not want Minnesota’s U.S. Senate races to attain the sort of notoriety attached to aldermanic elections in Chicago or presidential elections in Iran.

Mr. Franken is an admitted clown. As such he will be the only admitted clown in the United States Senate, though he will be seated with such clownish figures as Senator John Kerry and Senator Harry Reid. Perhaps his desk will be near that vacated recently by Senator Larry Craig, the lavatorian-conservative now thankfully retired, perhaps to found an intellectual journal for his lavatorian movement. A good title might be, Bathroom Beautiful.

Upon hearing of the court’s decision, Franken joked that he was “thrilled and honored by the faith that Minnesotans have placed in me.” That is not a very funny joke, but Franken is not funny. By “Minnesotans” he is probably attempting irony in referring to his supporters on vote canvassing boards in several left-leaning counties who turned up a sufficient number of thitherto uncounted votes to give him the edge.

In the November 4 election Coleman won by 725 votes. After a recount he still won by 215. Then Franken’s “Minnesotans” got busy canvassing. They demanded that votes once disqualified in their counties be counted. They found thousands of absentee ballots previously rejected for such indelicacies as fabricated addresses. Coleman cried foul and asked that one statewide standard be applied to all recounts. However, he got nowhere with this plea for equal protection of the law, and in the meantime Franken’s larcenous operatives picked up 1,350 more absentee votes, some bearing the names of pop singers. Ultimately Franken’s team managed a 312-vote victory from the 2.9 million votes cast.

The Wall Street Journal was not alone in its judgment that “Mr. Franken now goes to the Senate having effectively stolen an election.” The Journal reminded Republicans that this is not the first time in recent elections that Democrats overturned an apparent defeat by sending swarms of lawyers and operatives into a state to find once-discredited ballots and claim victory. They practiced the same trickery in 2004 in the state of Washington’s gubernatorial race wherein the winning Republican had mysteriously come in second after a third “recount.”

In the aftermath of the Minnesota Supreme Court’s decision Franken deadpanned, “I won by 312 votes,” and he went on to josh, “So I really have to earn the trust of the people… of Minnesota, and let them know — not just by my saying so, but by my actions — that I’m going to be working for every Minnesotan” — another humorless joke. What work he will do he did not say. Possibly he will sweep the floors of the Capitol or pick up litter on its lawn. His service in government has been nil. Yet how much service in government has our president had? Increasingly the Democratic Party is the party of personalities, though Franken’s personality is markedly weird.

He was weird on Saturday Night Live in the 1970s where he popularized a goof-ball character named Stuart Smalley, a self-help guru who repeated over and again, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” The audience laughed. Using lines not a lot more sophisticated than that, he campaigned for the Senate. My guess is that the Stuart Smalley character is the essential Al Franken, a weirdo.

I experienced his weirdness first hand when I appeared as his guest on a talk show he hosted for “Air America,” the Liberals’ feeble effort to create an alternative to conservative talk radio. At the time, he was an impassioned opponent of the 1990s’ “Clinton-haters,” so impassioned in fact that he could have been called a “Clinton-lover.” Apparently aware of The American Spectator‘s role in exposing poor Bill Clinton, Franken asked me how I had passed the 1990s, obviously expecting me to boast of my crimes. I stepped around his loaded question, and with my trademark self-deprecating wit (reminiscent, I am told, of JFK) rolled a handball across the desk from my microphone to his, saying merely that I played a lot of handball during Clinton’s years of public embarrassment.

Franken went ballistic. “What is this,” he said holding the little blue ball in his hands and seething. I moved on to other subjects and not surprisingly he lost control of the show. After I departed he remained visibly perturbed. In fact three hours later a friend of mine observed his leaving the studio with the ball still in his hand as he snarled about it and my insouciance toward him. Do you remember the controversy created by Liberals with their unsubstantiated allegations of UN Ambassador John Bolton’s temper? My prediction is that Franken will not get through his Senate term without anger management counseling, and the Liberals will cover for him.

From a review of his simple-minded utterances on the campaign trail with regard to issues, it is apparent that he is not a consistent thinker. He will disappoint the liberals. If they can keep him mad at Republicans, they will have his vote. But if he calms down, anything might happen. 

R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr.
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R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is the founder and editor in chief ofThe American Spectator. He is the author of The Death of Liberalism, published by Thomas Nelson Inc. His previous books include the New York Times bestseller Boy Clinton: The Political Biography; The Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton; The Liberal Crack-Up; The Conservative Crack-Up; Public Nuisances; The Future that Doesn’t Work: Social Democracy’s Failure in Britain; Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House; The Clinton Crack-Up; and After the Hangover: The Conservatives’ Road to Recovery. He makes frequent appearances on national television and is a nationally syndicated columnist, whose articles have appeared in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Baltimore Sun, Washington Times, National Review, Harper’s, Commentary, The (London) Spectator, Le Figaro (Paris), and elsewhere. He is also a contributing editor to the New York Sun.
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