Funny Girl - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Funny Girl

It’s that time of week again, and I know you’re dying to get a taste of Maureen Dowd’s latest column, which few mortals can afford to access on the New York Times‘ new pay-as-you-play “select” site. What next, a 1-900 number at which the caller gets to hear Maureen read her column in that cool, sultry way of hers?

Her Wednesday offering is about — shock, surprise — Harriet (“Harry”) and Bush. This time she mocks the contents of a birthday card Miers wrote to Bush in eight years ago. So she makes up lots of other missives Harry might have penned since. Here are a few of them. If you think Dowd could use a little human kindness, don’t forget to laugh:

August 2001 “Thank you so much for letting me bundle up and drag away the brush that you cut down today. And if I might add, Sir, I’ve never seen a man wield the nippers so judiciously. It was awesome! You are the best brush cutter ever!!”…

June 2005 “Make sure you take a good, long vacation this summer! Last year, you only took two weeks. You are pushing yourself way too hard, Sir!!”

August 2005 “I’ve half a mind to come down there myself and chase that witch, Cindy Sheehan, off your property with an injunction!! Yours, with you in Christ, Harriet.”…

October 2005 “How can I thank you, Sir? I never, ever expected the Supreme Court. Phat! I hope Clarence doesn’t make me watch ‘Debbie Does Dallas’ again. That movie is so anti-Texas! I miss you already!!

To think Dowd was once a nice Catholic girl.

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