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Okay, this New York Post story gets pretty crazy in its second half:

Meanwhile, a bare-chested Bernie has been killing time at the prison participating in Native American religious purification ceremonies held at an on-grounds "sweat lodge," other sources said. He accepted invitations from Native American inmates to join them at their weekly prayer services. The ceremonies involve praying, using heated rocks to induce sweat and smoking from a ceremonial pipe.

It is unclear whether the 71-year-old Madoff checked out the ceremony because of health reasons. For centuries, Native Americans have used sweat lodges to help detoxify the body mentally, spiritually and physically. Inmates who participate are usually shirtless, and Madoff was no exception earlier this month during the first ceremony he attended, according to the prisoners.

Madoff is also making new friends at the prison complex through another unlikely clique -- the homosexual posse, although the relationships are purely platonic, according to the sources. "In prison, you stick to your own kind, but he's doing the exact opposite by hanging with the Indians and [homosexuals] -- so who is going to have his back?" wondered one jailbird.

Another inmate said various "gangs" at the prison are trying to recruit Bernie to their crews. Some prisoners are also bending over backward trying to satisfy his hearty appetite by regularly cooking sandwich wraps for him back at their cells. "They're trying to kiss his butt," said one source.

Gay posse frolicking, home(cell) cooked wraps, heat rock massages, shirtless tokes on the ceremonial peace pipe—it sounds like Madoff got out of this whole debacle better than many of his victims! It almost makes me want to start my own Ponzi scheme! (Almost!)