The American Spectator

drudge ette obama| 6.15.09 @ 8:46AM

Somehow this misses the mark. Stein seems to recognize that he believes himself far less of a person than his father, mother, and grandfather. But he does nothing to change whatever behaviour he believes makes him so different. He spends and indulges himself, and his child. Water has no fiber, though, and Stein drinks his indulgences all day but still is hungry. Hmmn.

Surviving the Great Depression was a definite accomplishment. But there were crooks, thieves and greedy people then, as now. I have the impression that Ben Stein is a hardworking person who would have survived the Great Depression just as well as his father and grandfather. He just needs the chance. Stop feeling guilty, please. I can't take it anymore. Go buy a Yaris. You will feel better.

Bill| 6.15.09 @ 9:25AM

Ben,
I grew up in what today would be considered extreme poverty, but back then it was married student housing, a quonset hut, no insulation, in Iowa. I grew up in a liberal household and when I had kids, began to raise them accordingly. Later, when I got my head on straight about government, I was fortunate to raise my kids through our own "poverty" and worked my way to some means. Yes, I spoiled my kids, but laid a foundation of hard work, long hours and an unwillingness to quit. Some lessons they have learned, I didn't mean to teach them and they are industrious kids all of them.
Don't be so hard on yourself as your love for you son growing up was doing what you thought was best at the time. A Monday morning quarterback is sitting in the same chair next Monday morning, because he is a spectator (no pun intended) and you are a participant. That will make the difference when your son falls down and you are not there to pick him up. You gave him character.
Happy Father's Day.

john kregel| 10.18.09 @ 2:13PM

Finkbine? On the bill?

john kregel| 10.18.09 @ 2:13PM

Finkbine? On the bill?

mtm| 6.15.09 @ 10:26AM

Dear Mr. Stein,

Thank you for the piece. I hope, however, you cleared it with your son beforehand.

One point that might help you set an example even at 65: you may want to clarify why you admire your father and grandfather (and mom and g-mom). You admire them for their virtues. Thrift, fortitude, endurance, meekness (which means quiet and controlled strength and not wimpiness)--you ancestors had that which is far more valuable than the monies and properties which you, rightly, hold as cheap in comparison with the virtues of your patriarchs.

All this to say, you might want to put a finer point on these considerations, namely that the acquisition of wealth is worthless unless it serves the acquisition of virtues AND that the acquisition of virtues does not require wealth.

BW| 6.15.09 @ 10:42AM

Could it be that Mr. Stein intended his piece as a metaphor for our government?
I certainly see similarities where the government of our grandfathers and fathers is quite different than ours today. Our government today needs to wake up, work harder, and be a better "role model" for its citizens.

PolishKnight| 6.15.09 @ 10:48AM

Another honest, open, thought provoking article by Ben. Thank you Ben.

When I think of my father every father's day, I recall the importance of money to him and how fulfilling his role as breadwinner cut his life short and unintentionally undermined what his children thought of him. I would happily trade the birthday and Christmas presents and even the larger home we had for him to have come home a happier, less stressed person. I don't blame him and I even admire what he was trying to do. But it's not a mistake I care to share with either my future children or my wife. There's things women and children need and there are things they want and it's important they know the difference.

Tom| 6.15.09 @ 12:01PM

Ben,

Don't feel so guilty. When you become a grand father, look to see how your son does as a father. You may still feel guilty about the extravagant things you have but if your son is a good father, you did your job.

I feel guilty about being so hard on my son. Now I look at how great he is as a father. He is so much better at it than I was. He gets so much more accomplished without the drama and discipline. My grandson is a wonderful, smart and caring young man. It's my son who is the excellent parent. Do I still feel guilty. Yes. But I take joy in the father be has become.

Howard| 6.15.09 @ 12:14PM

I always admired Herbert Stein. I thought he was a top notch economist. Ben is great too.

He who sits on golden throne| 6.15.09 @ 12:46PM

Mr. Stein:

I confess that, while my fortune is fairly humble, I too have failed my children in the life lessions of thrift and spending.

While complaining poverty. We were always able to magically produce the money our children "needed". Such was the love that we thought we were doing them a favor.

Now, we find that our adult children spend beyond their means and give nothing...nothing... to anyone else. They even neglect to give a simple present to their parents on Christmas and birthdays. Oh, and they give no thought at all to trashing the things they buy.

In a number of ways, we failed them. I fear they will never learn. I wish I never had brought a video game system into our house. That seems more important to them than their own daily lives.

Johnny Knuckles| 6.15.09 @ 12:47PM

With all due respect to our parents, I wouldn't trade a vacation condo for all the chocolate-milkshakes-and-2-straws in the world.

Facts are, we're not our parents. This is life that they hoped for us and that we have chosen. And yes, we're going to pay for that.

Michael Dooley| 6.15.09 @ 1:39PM

Having lived through the sixies, we grew up with a certain distain for the money-obession our parents and grandparents shared. One of my first memories of my own father was of him complained about the bills. He bought the stuff and then he complained about the cost. Something wasn't adding up. I hated it.

Today, I believe to complain about money displays a lack of character. You bought it; stop your bitchin'. Belly up and pay your damn bills. If you can't afford to lose it. you can't afford to have it.

David Govett| 6.15.09 @ 4:21PM

We humans be an odd lot: We sacrifice and work like hell to make life easy for our children, though we know that an easy life has its perils. Those of you whose children had it tough might have done them a favor.

RM| 6.15.09 @ 4:35PM

You spend your money extravagantly because you earned most of it through a worthless profession.

Steve| 6.15.09 @ 4:50PM

Thank you for a reminder that we need to remember to be thankful for the hardships our parents and grandparents had to endure. We need this reminder whenever we start feeling sorry for our selves. Keep up the good work, Mr. Stein

Julie Dinkins-Borkowski| 6.15.09 @ 4:58PM

Excellent article! Thank you for the insight into your heart Mr. Stein.

I am in the same situation as your son. My parents spoiled me rotten, especially my dad, and I have had a tough time learning how to manage my own finances, and I am still not great about it. However, I do not blame my parents. It was one of the ways they showed love, by giving us gifts of mostly everything we asked for. They wanted their kids to have everything they did not. I imagine you did this for your son as well. I had a wonderful childhood and would not change it for the world. There comes a point when we have to be responsible for our own actions. It matters not how wonderful or terrible our childhood was, once we reach adulthood, the burden is ours to bear, and ours to bear alone. Today's society is so much about, "it's not my fault."
I cant manage my finances, its not my fault...
I beat my children, it's not my fault...
I am an alcoholic, it's not my fault...
I am unable to be in a loving relationship, it's not my fault...
I turned to a life of crime, it's not my fault...
I can't keep a job, it's not my fault...
I can't pay my mortgage, it's not my fault...
I am too big to fail, it's not my fault...
This country is going to hell in a handbasket, it's not my fault...(it's only the guy before me's fault.)

GOOD LORD PEOPLE IT IS TIME WE SAY...
ENOUGH!
Take responsibility and put it smack dab on your own shoulders. That is the only way we are going to fix this horrible mess we are in. Stop relying on someone else to fix it for you, and get your hands dirty. It is not going to be plesant, but it will make things better permanently. Right now we are going to flounder, stall, and continue to fail until we can say, it is my fault and my responsibility to fix it. Unless that happens, we are doomed, and in this day and age of our entitlement society I fear it will never happen. Just like the alcoholic, I fear we will have to hit a horrible rock bottom era of depression and recession until we see the error of our ways. I am not wishing it to happen, but I think it is the only thing that will work.

Jim| 6.15.09 @ 5:50PM

Ben:

You seem to be thinking about the same thing I am of late, to whit: I now know what it is to look down upon my children as they fall from the edge of the nest, waiting for them to take wing, and knowing full well that I bear the responsibility for pushing them off.

Mary| 6.15.09 @ 5:58PM

Parents will always have guilt; we did too much, we did too little, we taught the wrong lessons, we just weren't good enough. This is universal and timeless. I couldn't afford a car, video games, a computer or cable t.v. when my sons were growing up. They thank me all the time for this! Now at 28 and 21, they have their own careers and enough money to afford the lifestyle they want. They don't have everything, nor do they want it. One shops at Goodwill and the thrift stores and has patience to wait. The other is almost as frugal, all the while putting most of the money he makes into his own business. I have the feeling your son is going to pay more attention to who you ARE than what you lavished upon him. It's how we go through good times and bad that our kids remember, not the presents or lack of presents they received. Is your son a good person? Does he love his wife? Does he love his friends and family? Then you've done something right.

Alan Brooks| 6.15.09 @ 8:41PM

virtues??
they're all gone! You don't believe it now but when you experience the next decade you will.Guaranteed.

Alan Brooks| 6.15.09 @ 8:55PM

now we can see the future...

a cold world with everything to offer except good families.
JD boys with no fathers to speak of.

Buzzy| 6.15.09 @ 9:36PM

Ben,

My parents were wealty when I was little. My Father would slip a twenty in my pocket when I was headed out for a date (in his Caddy). When it came time for me to have my own ride, he suddenly got really tight with the moola. I had to get a job, get enough for a down payment, get insurance, etc.. What a great lesson! Today, I am in my 60's and never buy anything at first glance. I always think before I pull out my wallet. My 6 children, get as little as possible from me. If it's an emergency, I give. If it isn't I just say my magical word. NO!

Patrick| 6.15.09 @ 10:44PM

Dear Ben,

I'm sure you've done well for your son, as best as a mere man can.

Wealth can be a danger, as nothing lasts forever, and you are smart enough to know that. I mean, the Jewish civilization is filled with ups and downs, and it is well documented.

There are perhaps two lessons to hand on that are of greatest importance for your son. First, the Torah. You belong to an august lineage, a historic family, a grand and colorful patrimony filled with ranchers and merchants, tradesmen and even martial artists (it's true). Your patrimony is also your father's and grandfather's, and it will be your son's as well. This is one of the great things lacking in the character of modernity.

Second, manual labor. Silly, I know. Sure, he's an adult now, and can do his own thing. Pick up fishing or hunting, or even working on the cars. There is something...special...about working with one's hands that taps into a very deep place between father and son. I suppose that is why many fathers are so insane about their son getting into sports - they don't have a trade to pass on, that is for the schools.

Well, I'm rambling. In the end, all you can do is hope, pray, and teach what you know. Oh, and tell your son about the hardships of your father and grandfather. It can always get worse, and perhaps it will. A good reminder about what courage and frugality are can be wonderful seeds planted, and will grow as needed.

dsmith| 6.16.09 @ 1:04AM

This is difficult to say, as so much of Ben Stein's writing is worthwhile reading. But what Mr. Stein ought to worry more about than his extravagance is his pathological need to tell us that he flies first class, rides in limos, stays in fine hotels and lives in Malibu. By now is there a literate human being who does not know Ben Stein lives large?

We have all shared Ben's joys and trials with Tommy - his indulged childhood, Ben's near worship of his child, to Tommy's rebellion and (I've been away awhile) now to Tommy's step into manhood by taking a wife. It appears that Tommy has decided not to put as much geographical distance (as far awa as he could get) between him and his dad as he expressed the wish to once. And that is good.

It will also be a good if we aren't invited to weep with Ben as he goes from riches to rags - though, I doubt he will. But poor can be in the mind of the afflicted. Poor, to Ben may be his inability to acquire the next Malibu beach house he fancies. Maybe there will be some kind of stimulus package concocted by Obama to ease the financial strain the economy has put on elderly millionaires. Elderly is not my word, Ben. It is what Medicare calls folks who have reached age 65.

Mercy, we are in trouble if Ben $tein is worried about his profligacy. And that he has set a poor example of frugality to son, Tommy.

Angel| 6.16.09 @ 1:53AM

Tommy got married? Wow.

I hope you like your daughter-in-law, Ben.

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David Coker| 6.16.09 @ 9:41AM

It is amazing how many similarities there are between Mr. Stein's family history and my own. My great-grandfather was an engineer on the St. Louis division of the L & N railroad, but during the depression his son, my grandfather, only had work at the railroad about 6 months out of the year. He "rode the extra board" as it was called, and at other times painted houses, cut grass with an old push mower and my grandmother baked cakes and took in laundry to make ends meet.

Had it not been for my great-grandmother, who was a clerk at Sears & Roebuck (she got her job because she spoke fluent German) and she helped my father's parents financially all during the 1930s.

Our family has always had to be frugal -- today I drive a 1984 Pontiac and my other car is a 1955 Chevy. I don't know what I would do if I actually had money but politically, I might be very dangerous to the status quo.

Ariane Anderson| 6.16.09 @ 9:46AM

Your honesty is bracing, yet causes reflection in all of us. We have this age-old dilemma, which you so deftly point out: we yearn to prosper for our children, but often end up undermining their futures with that wealth. A number of the responses to what you say have touched on the redemption that can come with another generation choosing wisdom. I can only say for myself that I am blessed that my mother raised us four children, by herself, with no child support or government help while teaching us creative self- reliance. Today, my four college age sons, and my daughter are doing things that amaze me. They are pursuing their academic and career goals, being guided by the knowledge that if one is passionate about their work, they will succeed- come what may. This, with very little money and NO government support. Amen.

Appleby| 6.17.09 @ 2:08PM

This is my first Fathers Day without my father, who died October 7, 2008. He is buried in a Veterans Cemetery, and on the same row with him are three other Sergeants and a Staff Sergeant who all died the same week as he did. He was 87 and he served honourably in World War II, as did the others in his row.

Daddy weighed 98 lb. when he joined the service and got in with a nod and a wink as he was underweight. He grew up in what would today be called an "abusive home" and he and his 10 brothers and 3 sisters would have been called "At Risk." Their mother died at the age of 55; she had Alzeimer's when she died. Mama and the 3 sisters of Daddy took turns caring for her (they were all in their 20s and 30s with large families of their own.) His father, who was, er, a difficult man, hanged himself while Daddy was in the hospital after suffering a skull fracture in a work related accident.

Daddy worked hard all his life to give us girls the one inheritance he could never have: happy memories of our father. He succeeded magnificently. We were short of every material thing all our lives long, but we had an abundance of love and happiness, and if there was something we desperately wanted, he found a way to make sure we had it. We have repaid him with three generations of bright, well-behaved children who have never used drugs, never been in trouble with the law (except for hot-rodding), never been pregnant out of wedlock, and always handled our own problems. We have plenty of differences with one another but when things get tough, we band together and work them out. Not a one of us five girls is a spoiled, indulged, limp noodled princess or a militant anything. Nor are our children nor are their children. That's the legacy he gave us and that's the one we're handing on.

God blessed us with the perfect Dad. We're passing that blessing on.

Angel| 6.17.09 @ 4:35PM

Appleby, what a beautiful tribute to your Dad. Timely, too. You're a very 'lucky' girl, but I guess you already know you've been blessed.

You've shown your love for your Mom and Dad by the way you've lived your life--he would be so proud of you.

God bless you and all strong American women just like you. And God bless so many wonderful Daddies.

Mike Fisher| 6.17.09 @ 6:02PM

In modernity, as has been said of mathematics, we stand on the shoulders of giants and gaze farther in both directions; how far we have come and how far we have yet to go. So let's lift a toast to our forefathers, for the challenges met and conquered, for the unrequited sacrifice, for a world inherited and better in many ways than they ever imagined.

Cato| 6.18.09 @ 6:56PM

Ben,

There's nothing like a sinking economy to teach you the errors of your ways. So many factors went into this 'correction' and it's apparent now the cavalry won't be coming for some time. It's up to us.

Personally, I've spent the last 7 years focused on debt reduction while moving my 3 daughters through parochial school. And when it came to college, I had nothing set aside - I had 'blown' it on private school. Fortunately, all of the girls have learned how to study, how to think and how to make decisions on their own. They're doing fine.

Retirement is temporal phenomenon that traces its history only back to the mid-20th Century. Our forefathers worked until they dropped, the average life span of the American male in 1900 was only 49. I fully expect the concept of retirement to fade again - this generation has nothing saved, nothing in reserve. We will work until we drop as well, like our great-grandfathers.

Your children come to you as dependents, it's your job to make them independent. And if they think of you fondly, it is all that you can ever ask for. My own father passed away in 2007 and I miss him more than I could have ever imagined. He came this close to death in the Battle of the Bulge and it seemed at times he held us at arm's length, afraid to admit he was as attached to us as he was - he had seen too much death. He never said "I love you." but I never needed to hear it. I knew.

We treat our kids completely different than our parents treated us. We have more time, more money, more opportunities. Balancing the things we want to do for them against the things they must do for themselves is the most difficult balancing act you'll ever engage in.

For all your doubts, you are a great role model, not only for Tommy, but for all of us who've been reading your column since the old large-format newsprint American Spectator days.

I was fortunate enough to have met you at MSP last year and you were exactly as I imagined you - soft-spoken, avuncular and cordial and you had the time to speak to a nobody like me, which I appreciated. Don't worry - you've done a great job.

Happy Father's Day!

Daisy| 6.19.09 @ 1:31AM

So many AmSpec bloggers have fathers or other male relatives who fought in the Battle of the Bulge. It's interesting.

My father in law also fought in the Battle of the Bulge; he was part of the 101st Airborne and actually survived a tank shell that was shot at him. Amazing. He was very quiet and reserved, and we all understood why.

My mother in law worshiped the ground General Patton walked on till the day she died.

Jimmy| 6.21.09 @ 8:44AM

I grew up a cotton mill kid in the South. I departed northern Georgia via the Army, 23 years ago. I'm writing this from Afghanistan which I am about to depart on R&R leave. I honestly consider myself rich compared the life I lived growing up, but it's all relative. We were poor but we had love in our home and that made all the difference. I love what I do today and my four children have more than enough worldy toys because of my success in the Army. What I struggle with is the time I spend away from them. I've spent 3 of the past 6 years in Iraq and Afghanistan. It has made us realize what's truly important in life and that has nothing to do with our minivan or house...it's time reading stories with the kids or teaching my daughter to drive. I'm physically removed from my family, but there are plenty of adults who only share a house with children in America. I don't sweat what we give them in terms of temporal things but I do sweat not being there when their feelings are hurt by someone at school or when they get their first hit in baseball. The fact that you are focused on your son and evaluating yourself as a father speaks volumes of you as a man Ben.
Jimmy

Jennifer| 6.24.09 @ 1:23PM

Ben, I remember when your father passed, I believe it was 1999. I had lost my grandmother the year before. I remember you mentioning the comfort you took in having his things about you, particularly his books. It is apparent in every article you write about him how much you admired and loved your father.
Most of us spoil our children these days. Maybe it's not the best thing for them. But if my biggest worry is that my kids have had it too easy, I'll take that.

HGH| 7.5.09 @ 2:10PM

Dear Mr. Stein,

Thank you for the piece. I hope, however, you cleared it with your son beforehand.

BOB ROBISON| 7.20.09 @ 10:29PM

Happy belated fathers day...Ben Stein
I am a father of 66, I have two doting children and 7 grandchildren who call me Grandbob. I too am extravagant but frugil with my time.

I started working at 16, put my way throught the Junior year of college when the money ran out and we had our son I went back to work in the family business.

But I too have a positive outlook on our general condition, I believe like the author Lin Yu Tang the world is in need of a merry philosophy about life and we should appreciate the rascal and the part humor must play in our lives....thank you for your humor and continued love of your fathers and our American Dreams.

Bob Robison

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