The American Spectator : The Hunt for Gray February

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The Hunt for Gray February

All men need is a few days alone in a heated duck blind.

Here in the Middle West deer and turkey seasons have come and gone and the season of the duck is winding down. Thus begins the long dark winter of man's soul, a dreary time with few opportunities to disappear for days on end without being charged with desertion.

Much has been made of the close, organic friendships between women -- when they are not backstabbing or manipulating one another. According to descriptions of a UCLA friendship study, female friendships shape who women are and who they are yet to be. "They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are," the study reportedly discovers. And whereas men respond to stressful situations with the old fight or flight impulse, women counteract stress by dialing up their girlfriends.

That's why it's hard to imagine a show like Sex and the City for men. The closest men come to Carrie and her posse are the loveable losers of King of the Hill known for hanging out by the trash can, swigging Jax beer and muttering the occasional "Yup."

This is what happens when you turn a huntsman into a husband.

Hunting is not just an excuse for men to get together and, à la then Vice President Dick Cheney, "accidentally" shoot attorneys. It is a chance for men to get together and talk -- or not talk -- and not feel weird about it. Equally important it's an opportunity for men to get back to basics. Lost in the woods or freezing in a duck blind, man's primitive instincts kick in -- assuming they are not too benumbed by Wild Turkey. Since conversation in a duck blind is taboo, the hunt is one of the few chances we have to do some serious thinking without the distraction of the television set. Mostly we think about how cold and bored and miserable we are.

Sadly few women understand the importance of this male ritual. Unlike the fair sex, men cannot sit on a cell phone for hours talking about what drives them crazy about other men. Men need a gun in one hand and a beer in the other before they are able to talk to one another. The hunt gives men an excuse for both. At least during deer and turkey seasons, which last through the fall and early winter. Or in summer, when it is not unusual for men to disappear on long, elaborate fishing expeditions to Montana.

There is a popular myth that males turn into wild men when we go a-hunting or fishing. The fact is there is a long-established etiquette associated with blood sports. For example, one rule of trout fishing stipulates that fishermen "do not encroach on another angler's space." Trout fishermen are encouraged to employ the "visual rule of crowding" and attempt to keep out of sight of other anglers whenever possible. Nor will an angling gentlemen monopolize a good fishing spot on the river. He will fish for a while, then move on.

IN WINTER DESPERATION some men will brave sub-zero temperatures to hunt the migrating snow goose (Chen caerulescens). Here in the Midwest snow goose season is open through April 30, though the birds' numbers have grown so exponentially a longer season has been recommended. For a mere $500 per night, one can stay in a rustic hunting lodge that includes a private room, palatable meals, a morning hunt, one round of skeet, and, most important, a full bar. For the most part, though, hunting lodges are a thing of the past. Most goose hunters will check into a nearby Motel 6 or Budget Inn, which, it must be said, lacks the charm and camaraderie of the old rustic hunting lodge -- at least as it exists in my imagination.

Besides wintering geese one can -- until mid-February -- stalk the fox squirrel (Sciurus niger) or swamp rabbit (Sylvilagus aquaticus), though there is not much point to it. It's hard for one's wife to accept that you are going to be gone a week to hunt varmints that can be easily found beneath the sweet gum tree out back. You have a better chance of getting away with this if you live in the South and your rickety children are starved half to death. Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee often recalled how squirrel was considered a "Southern delicacy," especially when fried in a popcorn popper. Such anecdotes got the presidential hopeful many votes south of the Mason-Dixon line.

It has been my experience that most females will demand to go hunting exactly once. Women naively see the hunt as a chance to bond with their boyfriends or husbands. Of course, their presence defeats its whole purpose which is to isolate oneself from female society for a few days, while regaining one's masculine bearings. Thus the smart men are likely to make the trip as unpleasant as possible. They may find the buggiest place in the swamp to make camp. They may choose the weekend of an expected ice storm. They will constantly remind their love-interest there is no talking allowed as it scares the game. After a weekend of this she will likely second Mr. Murphy's observation that "It is very strange, and very melancholy, that the paucity of human pleasure should persuade us ever to call hunting one of them."

I remember hearing Garrison Keillor recount how in the old days Minnesota men were known to go stir crazy during winter and were sometimes found by their wives squatting naked and grunting round a campfire they'd built on the living room floor. All these men needed were a few days in a heated duck blind. Considering the alternative, I don't think it's too much to ask.

topics:
Hunting, Gender Differences

About the Author

Christopher Orlet writes every Thursday from St. Louis.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (34) | Leave a comment

Michigan-Matt| 2.3.09 @ 7:48AM

Baseball, hunting, shooting pool, rock climbing and tending the steaks on the grill are all male-only activities in our home.

It ties my sons and I to a tradition that predates the metrosexual male of today, the sensitive male of the 90s & 80s or the house-b*tched male of the 70s.

And yeah, my sons can also sew a button on a coat, fix dinner, make their beds, shovel the walks and treat women/girls with respect as a different breed apart from them.

J David| 2.3.09 @ 9:22AM

I grew through my teens on a small farm in Mulliken, MI. I started "hunting" with my Dad and uncle, with a B-B gun, and a firearm at about 12. I learned a keen appreciation of outdoor sports from my father, fishing, archery, firearms, climbing, etc. Our family ate the wild game I butchered(along with fish and chickens and ducks, and pigs we raised), the milk I milked out of the cow(and my brother milked from a goat), and the vegetables I and my siblings worked to raise in a garden, and we heated with wood that, mostly I, cut from our backwoods. There was a strong sense of personal contribution to the general welfare of the family as a result.

Because, in part, I have not found any females with similar appreciation for such basics of existence(to which much of society shall soon be returning, as they will be BROKE!)I haven't bothered with them much. I have a low tolerance for whiny, screechy voices, emotional manipulation, and the attempts to curtail outdoor activities.

Doplar| 2.3.09 @ 3:18PM

You are a wise man J David, a wise man. My "x" always loved the idea of the great outdoors until her blanket got wet.

J.K| 2.3.09 @ 5:26PM

Amateurish at best. I am surprised that the 'Spectator would publish such. If this is an attempt at tongue and cheek humor it was in extremely bad taste and mean spirited at best.

As a southerner I am greatly offended by his statement, "You have a better chance of getting away with this if you live in the South and your rickety children are starved half to death." This statement completes a reflection and disposition of both arrogance and ignorance.

Upon retirement I would advise Mr. Orlet not to seek refuge with his ilk in the south. Even though we enjoy sunshine, good nutrition and have long ago discoverd the merits of Vitamin D in prevention of rickets, he would not be welcome!

Michigan-Matt| 2.4.09 @ 7:31AM

J.K., exactly who wears the skirt in your family? The author was speaking about being gone from home for a week to go hunting was easier to get away with if you're from the South... I didn't see anything to take offense unless you're one of those Yankee-wanna-be Southerners parading around like some condo-living, scotch swilling soo-fist-ti-cats.

NorCal Cazadora| 2.4.09 @ 11:22AM

What a great way to reinforce the image of hunters as misogynists and drunken hermits - brilliant! It never ceases to amaze me how PETA can get stuff like this planted in the media.

J David, I'm surprised to hear about your situation because there are tons of female hunters in Michigan. Perhaps they're just immune to your considerable charm, though I can't imagine how a girl could resist a man who views women as you do. Really, it's totally hot.

Hank| 2.4.09 @ 12:09PM

OK, I am confused here. Was this essay serious or an attempt at humor? If it is serious, I agree with JK and NorCal: This essay is exactly what hunting does NOT need. It only gives ammo to our enemies as they slowly strangle away our right to hunt and fish. We are not troglodyes who hate women and seek solace in a bottle somewhere smelly and alone. And if this essay is intended to be humor...sorry Mr. Orlet, you need an editor because this just ain't funny. At all.

james tiernan| 2.4.09 @ 12:31PM

i would really be shocked if you were actually a hunter or fisherman. this is the kind of stuff that is causing the numbers in our sport to decline and make men look like idiots. people like you and j david deserve to be alone while the rest of us find a woman who loves the outdoors so we can share it with them. i would love to find a woman that just likes to fish! maybe the hunting will come later.

Shooter| 2.4.09 @ 8:07PM

A bit over the top and provides some grist for the Antis but does make some prescient points. My wife would no more want to join me on a week long elk hunt in the Colorado Rockies than I would want to join her on her "Women's Empowerment week in the land of the chanting Buhdda". Let her dance around the campfire in diaphanous gowns, chanting and listening to whale music while we huddle around a campfire in the wilderness scratching, farting, spitting, smoking, and drinking. Both will return much renewed and better for the experience.

Ron Robinson| 2.5.09 @ 4:35AM

In Okla where I grew up, the firearms were never locked up. We could walk into the study, take a shotgun down, drop some shells in a pocket and walk out the back door.

We had about 640 acres and for some game, we didn't worry about the season or the warden. It was no big deal to have a .22 in the rack in the truck when you drove to school - many of us boys had the family job to rid the environs of varmints - coyotes - on our drive home from school in order to protect our herds. You only have to see one calf killed by coyotes to really hate varmints. It evoked the protector latent in so many men.

Boys became earnest young men quickly in those days.

I look at the 28 year old metrosexuals still living at home and marvel what life-or-death challenges they will ever be faced with to force them to mature.

Michigan-Matt| 2.5.09 @ 9:21AM

james and Hank, I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder, eh? I wouldn't want a wife or the wives of my hunting buddies to join us on our trips; it'd be an unwanted invasion by the fairer sex. You may want to a wife who serves as a fishin' or huntin' pal but I'd rather wives stick to being a good spouse, good mother and in-touch with her feminine side. Sorry, but for most of the world and most American men, that doesn't include field-cleaning a 12 pt buck, filleting a walleye or properly grilling a steak. Just like you may want to drive her Prius and share her fingernail manicuring tips, but I'm fine in my H2 and a day's growth of beard, thank you.

Shooter| 2.5.09 @ 1:40PM

Right on, Michigan, and let the dog lick the skillet and plates; leaves more time for the important things

Joshua| 2.5.09 @ 4:13PM

After trying to read through parts of this, I had to stop. As a hunter and a country boy, I gotta say: stop writing about things with which you have little experience. You are obviously writing as a snob trying to be a good ol' boy, and you come across fake, disrespectful of women, and unfunny. You obviously live in a city, and have little experience with a diversity of women as friends and family.

You, and a couple of folks commenting here, seem to be trying a tad too hard to be manly, as if you don't really know it. A man doesn't have to be re-affirmed in his manhood.

As for your constant references to alcohol and guns, I must say that in most cases I completely abhor the combination, and no hunter I know will drink and handle guns. But in your case, since it's obvious you aren't a hunter... keep drinking. Drink more.

And, what the hell is a heated blind, anyway? Sounds fancy to me.

Kristine Shreve| 2.5.09 @ 5:18PM

God help us if this is an example of a pro-hunting article.

I write about the outdoors and I know several other female writers who hunt and write about that and they're very good at it. To dismiss all of us as catty, chatty and likely to cry if we break a nail is poor humor at best and downright misogynistic at worst.

Seriously, do us a favor and start writing for the antis. If you characterize them the way you've characterized us, the ranks of those who hunt and fish should swell to epic proportions in no time.

NorCal Cazadora| 2.6.09 @ 10:32AM

Ooooooooooooh, Michigan Matt, you big strong man! H2! Scruffy face! Pant pant pant - can I be your brood mare? Seriously, I can pop out babies for you and tend my fingernails while you thump your chest at the campfire and call all the men who don't drape themselves in the same veneer of manhood sissies? That sounds like heaven.

Othmar Vohringer| 2.6.09 @ 10:39AM

I can’t believe what I am reading. This is one of the worst and most demeaning article on hunters and women I have read in a long time. Although the writer gives implication that he hunts and fishes I doubt that very much. In fact I would wager that he hasn’t got a clue about hunting, because if he had he would know that women are the largest growing segment in the hunting community and are welcomed with open arms by male hunters.

I am surprised that the editor of the American Spectator lets such garbage to be published.

Albert A Rasch| 2.6.09 @ 2:10PM

If this is an attempt at humor, it has failed, and failed miserably.

I am a chest thumping, scruffy, occasionally offensive male, but I would sooner cut off my own finger, than write drivel such as I found here. I am surprised that the American Spectator even chose to publish it.

Where to start. How about using the brain that was conveniently placed in the skull.

Whether I want my wife or daughter to hunt with me is immaterial, that is a personal choice that I can make without the help of anyone. We are grown adults, we decide what we want to do and how. We have different interests and similar ones. I don't force mine on her, or she on me, but oftentimes we try new things.

Now the real point here is that participation in hunting, fishing, shooting and other outdoor sports is in decline. Why in the devil, would Chrstopher Orlet write this, without making it clear that this was completely and entirely tongue in cheek? And if it is serious, why cast hunters in such poor light, "benumbed by Wild Turkey," and such other nonsense?

Seems to me that at the very least, it was poor judgment.

Sincerely,
Albert A Rasch
The Rasch Outdoor Chronicles.

PS: It's OK to be a member of the Hairy Chested HeMan Club, you just have to know when, where and how much. AAR

Jenn| 2.6.09 @ 4:06PM

I'm offended.

I'm a woman, I hunt, I fish, I clean my own game and I can grill it too. I usually hunt with my husband, but can and will go out on my own. Oh, and if you think that makes me any less of a lady, I also can put on an evening gown, where a pair of heels and put my brunette ringlets up in classy up-do for a night on the town with my husband. He appreciates the fact that I'll hunt with him and so do all the rest of the guys we hunt with - and a lot of them have wives, girlfriends and daughters that hunt with them too. And just in case you are wondering, I carry my own tree stand, my own gun, my own bag of decoys and I have my own dog too.

If this was supposed to be a humor article, it failed. If it was supposed to be a positive outlook on hunting and fishing, it failed. If this was supposed to be yet another piece of writing for anti-hunters to use as further proof that hunters are neanderthals who need their activities tightly regulated, I think you might have succeeded.

gary| 2.6.09 @ 8:13PM

When a person puts the pen to the paper, they may be trying to convey a message seperate from himself, but more often the message is about himself. It doen't appear very pretty Mr. Orlet, M-Matt, & JD. You are missing out on some of lifes greatest moments by your cancerous attitudes, demeaning hunters and huntresses. I have been married to the kindest, gentlest, lovliest of ladies for 34 years and she has always pulled her share of the load in hunting camp and I love having her there.

Please spare us of anymore of your crass, callous, insensitive prose. It doesn't say much for you.

Kenny| 2.6.09 @ 9:10PM

Wow , I can't believe what I have read here. It is the most politically incorrect article I have ever read. I am infuriated, and disappointed in this guys macho opinion of hunting and fishing. First of bucko I never heard of such a thing as a man needing a gun in one hand and a beer in the other hand to feel like a real man. Obviously you neither hunt or fish. I don't think beer and guns should be mixed in any situation and if so those that do should lose their hunting priveledges. As far as women hunting and fishing , well, partner, I think you missed it completely. I personally know of lots of women , who hunt and fish, and well for the lack of better words , can probably out hunt and out fish you any day of the week. If you need a beer to feel normal than you probably fit the word alcoholic more than hunter. If you came into my deer camp drunk slinging beers and guns , you would be asked to leave and then forced to leave if you didn't leave voluntarily! You are a poor excuse for a man, and I think you owe all of your readers and guests an apology after making such a bunch of rude and incorrect statements. I will say that I am totally ashamed of you and your macho bullshit ways of making yourself feel better> You dont have to cut down others to better yourself, or do you. My wife hunts and fishes , cleans her game changes her own lures and takes her own fish off of her hooks. She never complains and damnit , I find her not only the best sport about it all but , Like I said before , I would put her up against you in talent , skill , and as a superior to you and all your think alike hunting dummies. Women have just as much of a right to be out there than a man, and wouldn't degrade the sport or any other outdoorsman, LIKE , you have here. Apparently you haven't been around on the web much, or you would have made a totally different comment than you have. Wake up, and get with modern times, instead of your old fashioned macho man bullshit ways. I hope you lose a lot of your readers over this unpolite and totally arrogant statement. I will go on record and say that You don't represent the ideas and opinions of any other hunter, or man. You are a disgrace to the human race. Its hunters like you who give the sport a bad named and leave a bad taste in your mouth. You don't do much to promote the outdoors, only to tear it down and add ammo to the anti hunting and anti fishing assholes out there. If you are going to write articles on the outdoors, I suggest you do something to promote it not demote it. From the comments I have read , it looks like you may have tarred and feathered yourself. I cant speak for the other readers, but I think you may have ruined your self with your readership. You are totally out of line, and retracting your macho statements and apologizing to your readers, men and women alike for your prejudicial points of view.

Matt| 2.9.09 @ 6:37AM

Yeah, this article is no good for a lot of reasons, most of which have been pointed out in previous comments. The gun in one hand and beer in the other line, though... That could only have been written by someone who knows nothing about hunting and/or guns.

Terry Scoville| 2.10.09 @ 2:26PM

Most of it has been said already. Here are my 2 cents. You clearly are clueless when it comes to hunting and being in the outdoors. Heated duck blind? yea who's whining now! I am a woman, a hunter, a fly fishermen, and an accomplished outdoors woman. Excuse my modesty here as I am skilled at all and thankfully I do not know you, nor do I ever want to meet you. You are a disgrace to the human race, outdoor community and more so to women. Please do us all a favor and go back to your cave and drink your Wild Turkey.

Live to Hunt| 2.10.09 @ 6:06PM

Unreal. Simply unreal. Folks above have articulated my feelings so I won't bother repeating. Your agenda and bias is so blatant that it doesn't even warrant a response.

eric outside| 2.11.09 @ 7:37PM

I am proud to say that it was a past girl friend who introduced me to big game hunting. She got a buck, gutted it herself, and then she fried the heart up on the coleman stove with some potatoes.

She is one of the prettiest girls I know. Her willingness to hunt and her willingness to let me hunt only makes her more attractive.

When I was young the only time I had more fun than fishing with my dad and brothers is when my mom sisters came.

I strongly believe women have a place in the outdoors and we need there influence in our world to better hunting.

You better believe my daughters will be my hunting and fishing buddies. I'd rather go with them than some drunkard man, that this article makes all men that hunt to be.

The Hunter's Wife| 2.12.09 @ 9:45PM

What disrespect you've shown to women and the outdoor community. I am not a hunter or huntress but I am what you would consider all female.

Hopefully a few navive women, as you like to think of us, have told you what I would tell you - looks like you'll be squatting naked and grunting round a campfire alone.

Jay| 2.13.09 @ 10:52AM

I'm the only female member of our hunting club along with 25 male members. These guys hate the thoughts of me being there so much that they elected me president of the club for a 5 year term. I keep their books, handle the money and settle any disputes that might arise among the men. Oh, I also site in my own gun, carry my own stand, ride my own ATV, haul and clean my own game, plant my own food plots and clear my own shooting lanes. The men in the camp do the cooking and cleaning. They don't want anybody messin' with the deal they've got, and they would never disrespect women, hunting or southerners.
Mr. Orlet, you could learn valuable lessons from these gentlemen.

suburban bushwacker| 2.14.09 @ 2:25PM

Dear Mr Orlet
you can congratulate yourself on your role as controversialist, while your mom is cooking your dinner. Ya plum
SBW

Swamp Thing| 2.15.09 @ 8:42AM

Orlet -the reason women won't hunt with you more than once is because you are a draconian hog who's incapable of stewarding new hunters into the field with an authentic passion for the resource. Not because having boobs makes a person get cold faster.

What is this drivel? As a lifelong hunter and angler (who married a beautiful southern girl who can fish, shoot, and boat with the best of 'em), I'm just appalled at this bizarre ramble.

Your broad-brushed ignorance is just astounding. Since I am from the south, I'm more likely to "get away" with varmint hunting to feed my "rickety children?" I guess we can't all be fat, irrelevant Illinois natives. Yeah - keep making fun of the south, because Illinois is just *that* awesome.

The unfortunate reason that hunting is declining as a tradition and a cultural relevancy is because hunters (men) of your generation have absolutely and positively failed to bring new hunters into the field. That includes women and (shock!) minorities. As the anti-hunting community grows (primarily out of ignorance to our sport), guys like you just sit around your midwestern perch-fishing hole and complain about the children and women who you're incapable of introducing to hunting.

Let's place the blame for this phenomenon where it clearly rests - Mr. Chris Orlet and his ilk.

Swamp Thing| 2.15.09 @ 10:26AM

By the way, there is a Sex and the City "for men." It's called "The Sopranos." And, despite your theories about men "not talking," apparently there is actually dialogue in that show, inbetween when they are shooting people in the face.

Your ability to call up any kind of culturally relevant comparison beyond "King of the Hill" provides an outstanding display of your intellect.

Your "taboo" of "not talking in the duck blind" demonstrates how many times you have actually strapped on a pair of waders and waited for the morning flight. Dolt.

Kristine Shreve| 2.16.09 @ 2:48PM

I thought you might like to see what some real hunters of all races and both genders have to say about Mr. Orlet, his article, the outdoors and who should, and shouldn't be there.

Non Traditional Faces of the Outdoors Challenge

One thing we all agree on is that Mr. Orlet is in the should not be there category.

Michael| 2.18.09 @ 1:53AM

From NorCal Cazadora: "It never ceases to amaze me how PETA can get stuff like this planted in the media."

I'm guessing that's a facetious comment by the cazadora/huntress, but I find it funny how many hunters can't seem to embrace that there are guys like this out there in the hunting ranks. Many of them. I grew up with them. And I continue to run into them. I always think, wow -- for this this gorgeous package of gun-totin' manhood -- a beautiful deer has to die. Sorry, but hunting nobility or chivalry is not something I see much in this day and age. Frankly, I never saw the nobility in popping birds and squirrels as these guys tried to do in my yard, with my mom screaming after them. It makes perfect sense to me that an attitude of disrespect would permeate the character.

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