Well, we learned one thing on Election Day: Virginia is for louts. This should not stand. It cannot stand. We have a reform proposal. Don’t know why we didn’t think of it earlier.
In 1985, when we moved from our Indiana home to our nation’s capital area, Virginia was our logical destination: a low tax, right to work land of freedom abutting Democrat statism and big government to the north and east. But that was then. Three plus decades later, the swamps of DC have spilled over all of our habitat in northern Virginia. In these conditions, government has mushroomed and poisoned the commonwealth, and the corresponding demographic boom of like-minded actors and their servitors has altered the indigenous character of what was once a swell Southern state. The end result we saw on Tuesday: a state whose voting habits are now more akin to California’s than to the Virginia of our forefathers. Demography is destiny? That’s what they’d like you to think.
But not so fast. The state has changed in response to conscious, willful political gamesmanship. A solon like Tim Kaine has worked overtime to convert his senatorate into Baja California. A governor like founding Clinton gangster Terry McAuliffe has led the charge in registering convicted felons as Virginia voters. There are lots of Asians too, and not the kind any Houston Astro would mock. Above all, there are simply too many Public Radio aficionados, bikers, and joggers. Luckily, they all tend to live within spitting distance of Washington, D.C. itself, in ultra-liberal Arlington and Alexandria, where growing government is everyone’s preoccupation and source of comfortable living. These are of course people who when it comes to foreign policy are in the forefront of getting Israel to withdraw from the “occupied territories” of the so-called West Bank.
Funny how history can backfire. As it happens, there is an occupied west bank and by rights, it really does belong to another polity: Arlington and Alexandria were part of the originally drawn District of Columbia. Maryland did its part and turned over land that became the District of Columbia we know today. Virginia, for various reasons, had second thoughts and never did live up to its commitment. But seeing as we’re now in a progressive era in which many historical wrongs are being righted, we might as well go ahead and restore Arlington County and Alexandria, Virginia to the District. No doubt this will accelerate the statehood movement inside our nation’s capital. But at least it will return freedom to Virginia.
Even better, that’s only step one. Step two beckons no less urgently. Remember the Civil War? Remember how before it the great commonwealth of Virginia really was great — then during the war it lost a good chunk of its northwest to what became known as West Virginia? In a vote many disinterested observers considered illegal and unconstitutional, that region was stolen for good. And frankly, it hasn’t exactly thrived on its own, becoming a D.C. dependency well before doing so became fashionable in the current style of Arlington and Alexandria. Fortunately, though, that means the place has retained its self-respect. Obama liberals abandoned it entirely and by temperament and its command of good sense it knows full well what it doesn’t want to be, as Hillary irredeemably also found out. So it’s a no-brainer. Correct another of the many wrongs dating back to the Civil War, and return West Virginia to the state of its origins.
So we’ll be down to 49 states, if anyone is still keeping count. But there’ll be no repeats of what we saw on Election Day. As for the District of Columbia, if it wants to become the new 50th, that can be arranged. And this week’s Enemy of the Week, the northern Virginia voter, will have being on the right side of history to console him, or her, or whatever pronoun the new people’s state will adopt as its official preference.