Now, obviously, you’re all going to whine “why am I covering something so dumb? Aren’t children starving in Asia? Isn’t Katy Perry probably pregnant? Why aren’t you devoting your precious time and energy to these world-altering things?” Besides having been a political gossip blogger for five years, this issue, America, is really important to me.
I love Magnum P.I. and Barack Obama is about to ruin it for me. And frankly, it is an insult to everything I hold dear, including but not limited to, Mr. Tom Selleck’s glorious 1980s mustache, which he wore with great aplomb as he tooled around Hawaii solving mysteries and generally just making hot pants on dudes a thing. Magnum, P.I. set the standard in my life for all men to live up to. Which is why I married a guy with a huge collection of Aloha shirts. Just short of a year ago, I completed one of my bucket list missions and saw T.C.’s chopper in action, taking off across the beach at Turtle Bay and it was possibly the greatest moment of my life.
Obama loves Hawaii – the land of his childhood, the place where he can retreat to spectacular beaches and shaved ice — and his presidential vacations there have become a ritual. But now, there’s a chance that Hawaii residents could see him actually taking up residence there again, and in one of the island’s most famous properties, no less: the “Magnum, P.I.”house.
The luxurious beachfront Hawaiian home made famous by the ’80s television series — the backdrop for Tom Selleck’s adventures as a skirt-chasing, freeloading private investigator — was sold this week in a mysterious transaction that involves a prominent Obama friend and one of his major donors.
There have been rumors about Obama’s retirement locale before. Just a few short months ago, he was rumored to have purchased a lovely mansion overlooking one of the country’s finest golf courses in Palm Springs. But this time, instead of outright denying the claim, the White House is referring all questions on the subject to Marty Nesbitt’s office. Marty Nesbitt is a Chicago private equity man (and very frequent Obama golf partner), whose firm The Vistria Group, signed the deed and the mortgage for the new home.
The paper trail for the house is almost as interesting as the fact that it might serve as the post-Presidential residence. On Monday, the home sold for $8.7 million to a company called Waimanalo Paradise LLC, owned and operated by Seth Madorsky, “a Chicago lawyer and Obama donor” according to POLITICO. That company then turned around and sold the property to another LLC based in Colorado. Then, Marty Nesbitt’s assistant, Judy Grimanis, signed the deed and mortgage. Judy Griamanis used to work for Penny Pritzker’s companies. Penny Pritzker is the major Obama fundraiser that was so good at her job, they made her Commerce Secretary. All questions POLITICO directed to Nesbitt, ended up going to Griamanis, who referred them to Madorsky, who referred them back to Nesbitt.
The best part of the whole deal may not be the incestuous circle of donor fundraisers involved, though – it may be that the Obama’s severely overpaid for a decaying piece of beachfront property. The house, which if you recall, on the show, was called “Robin’s Nest,” and was the home of reclusive novelist Robin Masters, but in real life, it’s a 1933 estate called “Panohu” which, according to Zillow, is only about 11,000 square feet – smaller than it appears in the show. It does have five bedrooms, five and a half baths, a four car garage, a bathhouse, a tennis court, a huge swath of semi-private beach and an “ancient Hawaiian turtle pond” and tidal pool, which is especially useful if you like to eat turtle, I suppose. It does have a guest house and a gate house (which is the house Magnum is supposed to have lived in), but neither of them are fully outfitted. It does have three acres of land, as well, and some great views. According to some fan sites, the house needs some updating. The former owner lived in it for several decades and, rumor has it, didn’t really do a lot of remodeling or repair. And Obama doesn’t strike me as a DIY sort of person.
Of course, if they ever get tired of it, they can always sell it to me. Provided I get a lottery windfall or something.
UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention that all of my concerns could be easily alleviated if (1) Barack Obama grows a sweet, sweet mustache upon retirement and (2) the house isn’t going to serve as the then-former-President’s mansion, but rather as a backdrop for the greatest buddy comedy in history, where Obama and Joe Biden race around Hawaii in a cherry red 1985 Ferrari and solve mysteries. Obama, of course, would play the part of Magnum and Biden would, of course, be more of the T.C. character. But they could script it however they want, as long as this happens.