No one has yet confirmed that the North Koreans have fired an underwater ballistic missile in the general direction of the United States just yet, but suffice it to say, everyone is super sure it happened. After all, when you consider that Kim Jong Un once “launched” a full on nuclear assault with an Atari control panel that wasn’t plugged in, it’s easy to believe that they’ve both set sail in a seafaring vessel that can operate with impunity in local waters, and managed to send a warhead careening into the great beyond, no doubt terrifying entire schools of underwater creatures.
It is, of course, entirely possible that this all happened in an elaborate Playmobil landcape set up in Kim Jong Un’s third bedroom. But for now, at least, the world is standing up and taking notice.
North Korea has carried out a successful underwater test of a ballistic missile, the North Korean state news agency reported.
Leader Kim Jong Un oversaw the test himself, KCNA reported on Saturday (Friday evening, ET).
A submarine launched the missile at a location far from the North Korean mainland, according to the news agency.
Kim praised the test as a “miraculous achievement” and said his country is capable of producing this type of missile. This missile was a “time bomb which will go off on the backs of our hostile enemies at any time,” he added, the KCNA report said.
If this is all true, and I’m not saying it is (actually, no one is saying it is, but there’s always that outside possibility), we’re in rather big trouble. It’s one thing for North Korea to haplessly shoot off fireworks in the general direction of South Korea. It’s entirely different to consider that the North Koreans could load themselves into a tin can with some yellowcake and traverse the ocean until they’re butting heads with Malibu. Even if the nuclear warhead isn’t entirely stable, a couple hundred fewer North Koreans is a couple hundred fewer mouths to feed for Kim Jong Un.
Hopefully, this is all just fretting for nothing and we’re not on a collision course with a hyperactive nuclear maniac, from whom our only protection is Dennis Rodman.