July 1: “An illegal alien is one of three teenagers who are accused of scalding a Georgia woman with hot water and raping her in her home near her children.”
But they were brought here as children. They are just DREAMers, or as the press calls them “otherwise law-abiding.”
Well, except for the sexual assault and scalding part.
July 2: “President Trump posted a short video to his Twitter account on Sunday in which he is portrayed wrestling and punching a figure whose head has been replaced by the logo for CNN.”
The network threatened to expose the private citizen who CNN thought made the video unless he apologized, which he did.
CNN got the wrong man.
July 3: “If the White House payroll is a leading indicator of the president’s commitment to shrink government then voters have a reason to cheer. Projected four-year savings on the White House payroll could top $22 million.”
$22 million? That would be enough to cover three vacations by Michelle Obama and her entourage of ladies in waiting.
July 4: Republicans celebrate Independence Day.
July 5: “U.S. Commandos Running Out of ISIS Targets.”
It is amazing what a president can get done if he just lets the military do its job.
July 6: Trump spoke in Warsaw:
We’ve come to your nation to deliver a very important message: America loves Poland, and America loves the Polish people. (Applause.) Thank you.
The Poles have not only greatly enriched this region, but Polish-Americans have also greatly enriched the United States, and I was truly proud to have their support in the 2016 election. (Applause.)
It is a profound honor to stand in this city, by this monument to the Warsaw Uprising, and to address the Polish nation that so many generations have dreamed of: a Poland that is safe, strong, and free. (Applause.)
Our own fight for the West does not begin on the battlefield — it begins with our minds, our wills, and our souls. Today, the ties that unite our civilization are no less vital, and demand no less defense, than that bare shred of land on which the hope of Poland once totally rested. Our freedom, our civilization, and our survival depend on these bonds of history, culture, and memory.
And today as ever, Poland is in our heart, and its people are in that fight. (Applause.) Just as Poland could not be broken, I declare today for the world to hear that the West will never, ever be broken. Our values will prevail. Our people will thrive. And our civilization will triumph. (Applause.)
AUDIENCE: Donald Trump! Donald Trump! Donald Trump!
PRESIDENT TRUMP: Thank you. So, together, let us all fight like the Poles — for family, for freedom, for country, and for God.
Thank you. God Bless You. God bless the Polish people. God bless our allies. And God bless the United States of America.
Our independence relied on Pulaski, Kosciuszko, and other Poles.
July 7: “Trump’s speech in Poland defending Western civilization from its enemies sounded less like Reagan’s Cold War-era speeches than white nationalist rhetoric…”
…say liberals who wanted the Soviet Union to destroy Reagan.
July 8: “Ivanka Trump Sat In for Her Father at the G-20 Leaders’ Table.”
To publicize the announcement of $300 million raised for a fund to help women start businesses.
July 9: “French President Emmanuel Macron left his position during the family picture to place himself next to US President Donald Trump as German Chancellor Angela Merkel watched on.”
Every boy needs a man to look up to.
July 10: “Long-standing tensions between the Democratic Party’s moderate and liberal wings have ignited in California, where progressive activists are redirecting their anger over Donald Trump and congressional Republicans toward Democratic leaders at home.”
Pass me the popcorn.
July 11: “Joe Scarborough Announces He’s Leaving Republican Party, Now Is an Independent.”
Sadly, he did not take 200 other RINOs with him.
July 12: “Campus Rape Policies Get a New Look as the Accused Get DeVos’s Ear.”
Funny thing about that presumption of innocence: it applies to men, too.
CNN anchor Poppy Harlow apparently didn’t recognize the Star Spangled Banner on Thursday, mistaking it for the French national anthem.
Harlow was covering President Trump’s arrival in Paris, France to meet with French president Emmanuel Macron. After the two world leaders shook hands, they stood together as a band played the United States national anthem.
However, Harlow cut to the scene by saying, “Let’s just listen in to the French national anthem for just a moment.”
Oh say, can you see?
July 14: Republican Senator Lindsay Graham spoke at the Hill Country Barbecue Market:
Graham entertained the crowd with a story about an early-morning phone call with Trump during which the President relayed a conversation he’d had with Defense Secretary James Mattis.
“We’re asking permission to send 50 of our soldiers into a village outside Raqqa,” Mattis told Trump, according to Graham. “Why are you calling me?” Trump replied. “I don’t know where this village is at.” Mattis told him, “Well, that’s what we’ve done for the last eight years.”
Trump, Graham said, then asked, “Who’s asking to go into that village?” Mattis told him, “A major, first in his class at West Point.”
“’Why do you think I know more about that than he does?’” Graham said Trump asked. “And then he hung up.”
Graham, a retired U.S. Air Force colonel, smiled.
July 15: “Iran Dominates in Iraq After U.S. ‘Handed the Country Over.’”
Barack Obama was so pro-Iranian, he could have been an ayatollah.
July 16: “Phil Donahue: Trump era ‘darkest political moment’ in history.”
Didn’t he say that about Bush?
July 17: “Seattle Mayor Ed Murray sexually abused foster son, child-welfare investigator found in 1984.”
But hey, those people opposed to gay adoption are just being paranoid.
July 18: “For a president with historically low poll numbers, Donald Trump can at least find solace in this: Hillary Clinton is doing worse.”
America, catching up to Don Surber in 1992.
Dan Lang has a message for the vandals that released more than 38,000 mink into the wild: You gave my animals a death sentence.
“There were mink dead all over the road,” he said, describing the scene at Lang Fur Farms northwest of Eden Valley on Monday.
Investigators, who now include the FBI, believe more than one person dismantled the exterior fence at Lang Farm between 10:30 p.m. Sunday and 5:30 a.m. Monday. Lang and a slew of neighbors and regional mink farmers spent hours rounding up live mink using nets. But Lang estimates more than half the animals are dead.
Animal rights meets right to die.
July 20: “Pet lovers are barking mad over a little-known city rule that makes dog-sitting illegal in New York.”
Someday, walking a dog will require a college degree in dogwalkology.
July 21: “Sean Spicer Resigns as White House Press Secretary.”
Melissa McCarthy hardest hit.
July 22: “Americans Protest ‘Very Fake News’ CNN Outside of Atlanta Headquarters.”
Most of us just change channels, but whatever.
July 23: “Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer ripped his former colleague, Hillary Clinton, over her election loss to President Donald Trump and her subsequent efforts to explain why she lost.”
Let me explain how Arkancide works, Chucky.
July 24: “Jason Chaffetz, who recently stepped down from the House of Representatives and into a Fox News gig, wondered why congressional investigators are focusing on Jared Kushner instead of Chelsea Clinton.”
Let me explain how Arkancide works, Jason.
July 25: “Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has ordered a review of all the administrative and training requirements that prevent trigger pullers and pilots alike from focusing on warfighting.”
Not to mention the trigger-pulling pilots.
July 26: “A plan to bring a massive Foxconn Technology Group plant to Wisconsin could cost $1 billion to $3 billion in local, state and federal incentives over coming years — a stunning sum for a project that backers say could transform the state’s economy.”
Those jobs ain’t coming back.
July 27: “Damon Linker: What happened? What happened?! You blew it, Hillary.”
Let me explain how Arkancide works, Damon.
July 28: “P&G Cuts More Than $100 Million in ‘Largely Ineffective’ Digital Ads.”
Turns out the Internet is just as good as newspapers in one area.
“I don’t want this job” was the general feeling among the writers who gathered Saturday at the Television Critics Assn. summer press tour in Beverly Hills for a panel titled “Has Politics Made Late-Night Great Again?” Panelists included Ashley Nicole Black, a writer for “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee,” Christine Nangle, head writer for “The President Show,” Hallie Haglund, writer for “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah,” and Jason Reich, head writer for “The Jim Jefferies Show.”
Maybe they should try writing jokes again instead of daily diatribes against President Trump.
July 30: “The initial run of Megyn Kelly’s Sunday newsmagazine show will reportedly be taken off the air at least two episodes earlier than scheduled because of her disastrous ratings.”
The Hillary Clinton of television.
Mexico appointed its chief negotiator in coming talks to rewrite the North American Free Trade Agreement, giving the role to a career bureaucrat with 20 years of experience in trade negotiations who heads the trade office at Mexico’s embassy in Washington, D.C.
Kenneth Smith, a 47-year-old trade expert with a master’s degree in international economics at Johns Hopkins University, will lead the day-to-day technical negotiations in the talks between Mexico, the U.S. and Canada, Economy Minister Ildefonso Guajardo said Monday.
An American doing the job Mexicans won’t do.
Final score: GOOD 23, EVIL 8.