Who’s ready to play the percentage game? Since the left loves to use statistics, of course only the ones who cater to its point of view, let’s have some fun with numbers in the New Year. Yes, I know, we on the right are intellectual idiots who haven’t graduated from the right colleges and are on the wrong social feeds, and we believe that one plus one equals three. So, I have decided, since I am Jewish, to have some fun with numbers and be the right’s honorary accountant/actuary. You can call me “Count” Judah.
We are going to work with one number, and, my friends on left, that number is 61,943,670. Yes, I know that number brings you pain and suffering, though not as much as the number 306 does, and I humbly ask you if I can round the 61,943,670 to 62 million, and I apologize in advance for my percentages being off slightly. I’ll tell you what, to throw you a bone, and to show my basic sense of fairness, I will knock that number down to 60 million, since 1,943,670 of us don’t really matter anyway. But, let’s be honest, it’s far easier to do percentages on 60 million.
We are going to also use “yesterday’s sweetheart” Jennifer Lawrence for our little show and tell. As it stands, her new movie Passengers has tanked at the box office, earning roughly $62 million on a production budget of $110 million. This number does not take into account the marketing and advertising costs of the film. So, let’s be generous to my friends on the left again and say that only $40 million was spent on those, so the actual cost of the movie was $150 million. So maybe, just maybe, her film might get to yesterday’s gold standard of movie gold and hit the $100 million mark. I know I have limited mathematical skills, but as far as I can tell, that means her movie will still lose at least $50 million. Here is where we are going to play the percentage game. Sorry it took me this long to get to the game, but I was sort of giving directions.
The average price of a movie ticket is $9. In the interest of full disclosure, I’m rounding up for the first time, and why couldn’t the number have been $10. Also, in Los Angeles, you can’t get into a movie for less than $15 dollars, damn you red states again. So let’s get back to that number 60 million. And let’s take ten percent of that, which is 6 million, not my favorite number, and thank you Sesame Street for my math skills. Now what is $9 times 6 million? That would be $54 million. What do you get when you add $54 million to $100 million? You, yes my friends on the left, get $154 million, thus turning a movie flop to, yes, something where you have at least broken even. I know, who cares about other people’s money when you already have gotten yours.
So, Ms. Lawrence, as you went across America, depressing many of us with your “poignant” and “shrewd” political observations, think for one moment about that 6 million number. I promise, I wish it wasn’t that number, but hey, you guys do like to reference Hitler often. That’s the number of people that might just have gone to see your movie, had you not disparaged a large percentage of your fellow Americans. I get it, you have an opinion, one that I disagree with, but will fight for your right to have it. It’s not your opinion that bothers me, it’s your knocking the right of others to have another opinion that conflicts with yours. You will never understand this concept. And honestly, it’s not your fault. You are a dimwitted cog in a machine that in twenty years might become an episode of “where are they now.” What really does bother me is that the machine is willing to lose money in order to, maybe, appease you and, at best, be invited to the next Hollywood party. I did not realize you guys were in business to lose money, by isolating a possible sixty million share of an audience, because of political and philosophical ideologies.
Yes, I know you will not look at these numbers, because, like I said, the left only uses statistics that trump their causes. You might blame the critics who gave your movie a 31 out of a 100, not a very good score. Ms. Lawrence, you also might blame Donald Trump, as the NFL did during the election cycle. People are just too damn depressed to go out, right? Well 60 million of us aren’t. But, you really don’t want us, and we are pretty darn okay with that. And, I’m sorry I used you for my analogy, Ms. Lawrence. I really did use to have a crush on you and, as crushes often fade quickly, so do Hollywood careers. Just so you know, I’m not sexist. I would have used Sean Penn, or George Clooney, but I never had a crush on them.
Now, I know it’s presumptuous of me to say that 6 million people didn’t see a movie because of the star’s political views, and I have absolutely no analytical data to back up this statistic, but what’s data anymore anyways. All I can go on is me. And, yes, just like on Facebook where I delete hate, so too I have no desire to go to a movie where I know that the lead thinks that I am, or people like me are, to put it nicely, less than human. By the way, musicians and television “stars”: This applies to you too. Sixty-two million people voted for Donald Trump. That’s more than $6 billion in possible movie sales. That’s more than $1 billion in song sales (nobody buys albums anymore). That’s 62 million people who buy and consume and think for themselves. Get used to it, and look at the percentages. That’s 62 million whom you call deplorable and who I call Americans. Hope you had fun playing.