For all the talk about Putin manipulating American elections and about communist plots, you’ve got to give it to the Democrats — the Anti-Communist Plot. Bernie Sanders, the first communist to run for American president on a major party ticket, has met his Beria. The party is over, Boinie. The communist party. But don’t fret; you still can celebrate anniversaries with Jane in Cuba or, at least for now, in Venezuela.
We have had communists run in the past, but they used to run on their own communist party ticket. So John Brennan, Obama’s CIA director, could not just cast his communist vote for any old Democrat. To get Gus Hall, Brennan had to find the column for the Communist Party USA.
It was a plot that finished Boinie, consigning him to his political grave — itself the quintessential communist plot. Did it not strike you as strange that Amy Klobuchar raised and spent millions, did incredibly pathetically in Iowa, Nevada, and South Carolina — and then suddenly dropped out only one day before Super Tuesday? And then Pete followed her from behind. Didn’t that seem strange? Like, I make payments for a year for a trip and tickets to the Super Bowl or World Series, and the day before the big game or series, which this year is being played in my city, I decide, “Naaaah. Fuggediboudit. I’ll just go to the supermarket and see if I can find hand sanitizer.” Does that make sense?
Buttigieg and Klobuchar already raised and spent the millions upon millions for Super Tuesday. They campaigned throughout the 14 states instead of attending to the duties for which they are salaried as Minnesota senator or South Bend mayor. They already had the campaign staffs and get-out-the-vote apparati in place in the states. They did all the work, spent all the moolah. All they had left to do was to wait for the results. Neither was ashamed to get only 2 or 3 percent in Nevada and in South Carolina. It was Sunday morning when those results were final, and Super Tuesday was less than 48 hours away. What possible sense could anyone make of their suddenly quitting the race at that moment instead of just waiting one more day to see what surprises might emerge? Maybe Klobuchar would do better than 3 percent in Minnesota. Maybe Pete would carry San Francisco.
When Joe DiMaggio retired from baseball, he still could play incredibly well, but he famously chose to step aside while he still was at the top of his game. By contrast, Mickey Mantle stayed one year too long, dropping his lifetime batting average just two digits below .300. Ouch! Why would Klobuchar and Pete quit hours before 14 states would give them a chance to exit at least somewhere at better than 2 percent? How much worse than 2 percent could they have done? Even Bloomberg clearly smelled that he had the five delegates of American Samoa within grasp — maybe no more, or maybe even samoa. But what of Salad-Comb Amy and South Bending Pete?
Their carefully coordinated sudden egress clearly was a plot, a conspiracy, a fix. The DNC unquestionably rigged Super Tuesday to stop Bernie before he could implement his first Five Year Plan for wheat and famine. Someone clearly got to Buttigieg and promised him something — maybe a seat on the Burisma board? — if he would drop out pronto. As for Amy, maybe a cabinet post as Secretary of Meanness and Viciousness. Or maybe the vice president spot? Who knows? But there was a deal, a coordinated fix.
They each wanted to stop Sanders? OK. So why didn’t they wait until the day after Super Tuesday? Still plenty of time to save Biden in his quest for the U.S. Senate or whatever office he now tells his audiences he is seeking. And Bloomberg Billions is the proof that it was a fix because he did the sensible, normal thing. He already had spent the bucks, run the ads, spoke above the heads of the stupid farmers and dopey factory workers, gotten abused in the debates. But he had spent the money, so got his money’s worth by sensibly waiting another day or two before quitting. And, joking aside, he won American Samoa. By contrast, Klobuchar’s and Buttigieg’s sudden exits were rigged.
No complaints from this quarter about Bernie’s demise. Da soonuh, da bedduh. Sanders is to be despised. He hates capitalists, people who work hard for every stitch they own. He hates Jews who support a strong Israel, and he hates such Jews with a particular passion that exists only among self-described anti-Semites and Jewish apostates and renegades. When Sanders calls Benjamin Netanyahu a racist, he is speaking of the man who has been democratically elected by the Jews of Israel for four consecutive terms and for more than a decade. Again, in Israel’s just-concluded elections, Netanyahu’s coalition got 58 seats, the center-left Jewish opposition got a measly 40 seats, and the eccentric Avigdor Liberman, who represents rabidly right-wing anti-communist Russian immigrants, got seven seats. (An Arab coalition of four anti-Zionist parties got the remaining 15 Knesset seats.) So, yet again, Netanyahu was the choice of the overwhelming majority of Israel’s Jews. When Sanders calls Bibi “racist,” he is denouncing as “racist” the overwhelming majority of Israeli Jews who keep voting for him. That is why Linda Sarsour, Ilhan Omar, and Rashida Tlaib have been Sanders’s earliest backers and campaign surrogates.
So no complaints here that the communist Sanders got cornered by the petty bourgeoisie encircling him. Yes, I had mixed feelings, counterintuitively pulling for him a bit to get the nomination so that he could lead the whole Democrat Congress in November down to the purgatory they have earned, the whirlwind they have released. But one always hesitates, because, unlike politicians, talking heads, and TV newscasters, I do not hold a brief for the “wisdom of the American people.” I bristle when someone on a TV talk show says “The American People are too smart to … ”
No, they’re not. The “American People” made Nancy Pelosi the Speaker of the House, Adam Schiff the House “Intelligence” Committee head, and such. So there always is a chance that a Sanders candidacy could end up destroying everything we have built here. If he somehow were to get the votes, our retirement savings would be wiped out, our economy eradicated. If you think coronavirus jolted the stock market, a Sanders presidency would give us a stock market and economy like those of Cuba and Venezuela. Domestic energy production would stop. We all would lose our private health care at work or the Medicare we worked and paid a lifetime to have in retirement. Businesses would move back overseas, even to coronavirus destinations. Cash and bank accounts would emigrate offshore. Private industries would close. People like you and me eventually would stop working so many hours, so diligently, because we would see the fruits of our labors all taken away, while being assured that we would get a cash transfer anyway just for contemplating our navels and picking out little dust balls.
So that is the good news. For Bernie the darkness begins at noon, as his communist campaign descends into Perestroika. He should have campaigned for more Glasnost within the DNC. His only remaining hope — and it is not inconceivable — is that Joe Biden truly yet will break down by August. Not to make fun of a man who clearly is receding, but the Biden gaffes are increasing in frequency and in incoherence. It is not just the things like awkwardly urging on a person to stand and take a bow when he is wheelchair-bound, or reminiscing about children rubbing the hair on his legs, or some of his gaffes like “Poor kids are just as bright as White kids” or “Ya can’t go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent; I’m not joking.” The deceleration is becoming more manifest. “I’m Joe Biden, and I am a Democratic candidate for the United States Senate.” Or calling Super Tuesday “Super Thursday.” If Biden continues to recede, that could put Bernie back into play at the convention, to the degree that delegates think Sanders is particularly more coherent, but the DNC will block him again. So Sanders awaits in vain on his political breadline.
Finally, it was left for the squaw to drop out, she who came in last place in her home state of Massachusetts. The Creek was up the creek. Or was she a Sioux threatening to sioux? Or was it a Cherokee that she used as her vehicle to a Harvard faculty slot? Clearly, her dismal polls in Ohio showed that she was no Cleveland Indian. By all odds, Fauxcahontas should have returned to the reservation before Super Tuesday to stop splitting the Loony Left. What kept her dancing with wolves even as the public’s interest in her teepee was tepid? First, like Billions, she already had invested a fortune, had campaigned her voice off lacrosse a maize of 14 states, wondering canoe votes be found. So it made sense to remain another 48 hours rather than expose herself to being called an “Indian giver.” But once Billions dropped out after Super Tuesday, the warpath no longer intrigued, with no more opportunity to destroy the Paleface whose wealth she so jealously covets for her own. He took Manhattan from her ancestors for $24 and left her with nothing but a smartphone to take selfies and check Dow Jones averages on Bloomberg News. Despite the clearest of smoke signals, she nevertheless still contemplated the hope not only that Biden eventually will break down on the hunting grounds but also that Bernie’s heart will give out again, requiring another stint for him to the stent. Morbid stuff, to remain in a presidential race for those reasons. Ultimately, though, Great Big Whining Vulture with Screeching Cracking Voice found that, rain dance or not, her cash had dried up. She now can retire to her kitchen refrigerator that stocks nothing but beer cans, so she has a receptacle to cry into. Massachusetts is freezing cold, but she can keep her wigwam. And finally the national run on ear plugs now should abate.