Not too many Mensches out there.
Program Advisory: Steer clear of MSNBC. Mother Maddow might still be doing the preliminaries about her career making and ending scoop involving a major 2005 development that wasn’t captured on tape by fool of fools Billy Bush. But she lied and her reputation died. “We’ve got Trump tax returns,” she promised as she enticed and suckered viewers into many lost hours of staring into the equivalent of a blank screen — only to reveal that those many happy returns amounted to a measly 2 pages, the front and back of a 1040 Form that no one had bothered authenticate. For all we know, they were prepared by Dan Rather.
Thankfully, the White House did play along to scoop Mother Superior herself, providing unofficial confirmation —but c’mon, pretending to only a lackluster $153 mil in purported income? Big shot billionaire, huh? No matter, the outfoxed one will soon require a special prosecutor of her own, given that releasing someone’s IRS returns without permission is a major no-no. Her only defense, and that of the guy pretending to be her Jimmy Olsen, is that the 1040 was leaked by the White House itself. The dynamic duo spent a lot air time Tuesday night convincing themselves that the leaker had to have been the president himself, so outrageous would it have been for anyone else to suggest he’s actually someone who pays his taxes. It of course never dawned on them that if he was the leaker, they were his useful idiots, swallowing the bait and making him look better than even he feels he needs to look. There’s Trump, and then there are Chumps.
They never did ascertain whether the $38 million the future president paid in income taxes that year came from his ruble account. What’s a lousy $38 million anyway. At Politico they write that “even the amount [Trump] paid in tax is a yawn.” But if he was paying in rubles?
We may never know, now that pretty boy Preet Bharara has been sacked as U.S. Attorney in New York even though he had bragged to us that President Trump was going to keep him — a major tool of scheming Chuck Schumer — on. Serves him right for preeting, instead of tweeting.
Meanwhile, major Trump haters are now attacking him for not preening. Seems a photo went viral of the president’s tie flying in the wind as he boarded his coach flight to Florida, revealing scotch tape on the underside. Oh, how tacky. And so unlike his immediate predecessor. How so? It’s that our current occupant of the White House doesn’t have himself photographed enough on the job. Not like the great Obama who, the New Yorker reports admiringly, was actually photographed more than 2 million times by his selfer, Pete Souza. Vanity, you can retire. No wonder our favorite ex-president (sorry, Bill) is reportedly spending a month admiring himself in Tahiti. Just so he remembers what happened to Marlon Brando and Paul Gauguin when each of them went Tahitan. Can we ask, though: what’s the Alinsky angle? Can we expect an onslaught of Tahitian refugees swelling Democratic precincts?
Meanwhile, Mother Maddow is facing some unexpected competition. A hot new thing from London, swimmingly named Louise Mensch, lit up the happy hour on BBC the other night apropos Russia and Trump’s tsarist America. She believes, she said, that Andrew Breitbart was knocked off by Putin. But it’s not a fact, she insisted, because she, for starters, has never reported it. It’s a new way of operating. I believe in God, a believer might say, but He may not exist once the believer turns sinner and finds that no one has ever reported evidence of God’s existence. Now it’s affecting our courts, or at least their courts. In Hawaii, where our fave former prez first went Tahitan, an appeals judge conveniently appointed by Hawaii’s most famous presidential vacationer has joined the posse out to ambush our current president. Brazenly he based his ruling Wednesday not on the law, which empowers the president to do exactly as he’s done. Instead, this judge has joined in the new irrationality to insist that he can infer the president’s legal thinking from whatever was said on the campaign trail.
Small problem, Your Honor. On the campaign trail Mr. T. wasn’t speaking under oath. As president in his constitutional role, he is acting under the oath he swore on January 20. Is that too hard to fathom, Mr. Law School Graduate?
So, Judge Derrick K. Watson, how’s this for a plea bargain? You resign, effective immediately, for violating your sacred oath (let’s assume God still exists) and we’ll rescind this week’s EOW prize. You won’t even have to go on probation. Otherwise, it’s a lifetime honor and we throw away the key.