Biden’s Pathetic Response to Putin: ‘It’s Perfectly Normal’ - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Biden’s Pathetic Response to Putin: ‘It’s Perfectly Normal’

When I’m with kids, I tend to respond to their worries with “it’s perfectly normal” in order to reassure them. You know:

“I got a rash.”
“It’s perfectly normal.”

“My foot hurts.”
“It’s perfectly normal.”

“My brother bit my ear and I’m bleeding.”
“It’s perfectly normal.”

“Mom is walking down the hall with her own head under her arm.”
“It’s perfectly normal.”

It’s not like it’s a particularly well-thought-out answer either. Or is it? I don’t know. Maybe Mom has seen that influencers on Instagram carry their heads that way these days. In any case, nothing is going to distract me from my “keep calm” pep talk. The problem is, sometimes too much calm can bring about disasters.

I tell you all of this because politics is the closest thing to a children’s birthday party.

One time I was in charge of about 15 children at a birthday party in a very small home. They were celebrating a seventh birthday for one of them. They were happy — I mean they were sweating like camels, red in the face, huddled together, screaming like Rambo getting a testicle amputated, and throwing objects at each other so savagely that they make the images coming in from Ukraine these days look like a joke. In the midst of all the chaos, one of them said to me, “It smells like something’s burning in the hallway.”

“It’s perfectly normal,” I instantly replied without looking up, trying to stop another one of them from choking a little girl with her own pigtails, as she steadily went blue in the face and her lungs became more depleted of oxygen than Biden’s brain. The young fireman tugged at my pants again: “It really does smell a lot like something’s burning in the hallway.”

“It’s perfectly normal. Keep playing while I go for the cake now,” I said, masterfully applying another advanced technique, namely distraction.

A word on distraction maneuvers: if you ever see a child with a several-meters-wide gaping wound who needs calming down, say that what has happened is terrible, but that you have a huge box of chocolates somewhere at home, that you are able to wiggle your ears, or that you are Donald Duck’s personal friend. And that’s today’s self-help tip for parents in a pickle.

The child firefighter came back for a third time: “It’s perfectly normal!,” I said, this time trying to get retrieve a ball that the children had managed to lodge between the curtain rail and the ceiling. It is scientifically impossible, but it’s a known fact that if you put 10 sufficiently agitated children together in a small place they are capable of breaking all kinds of laws of physics; if the children are over 18, they will also break the laws of chemistry.

The fourth time the little bugger came to yell at me that there was too much smoke in the house, and, after making sure that none of his friends were smoking my cigars, I peered into the kitchen. The scene was tragic: the candles and the cake were on fire. I don’t know who the hell thought it would be a good idea to light the candles half an hour before bringing out the cake. I doused it with as much water as I could, but this catastrophe was already well beyond repair.

Pushing my child-persuasion skills to the extreme, I tried to convince the kids to eat this “unique” cake: “Kids, it looks strange to you because you have never tasted this kind of cake. This cake is what the French call flambé, the latest trend in cake shops in Paris.” All I got in response were disgusted faces and a “well, let the French pigs eat it.” (READ MORE from Itxu Díaz: The Daily Nuclear Threat Is Getting Boring)

I tell you all of this because politics is the closest thing to a children’s birthday party. And it is to be expected that someone or another should tell us, as the world is going up in smoke, that “it’s perfectly normal.” But the truth is — and both Biden and the EU should know this — that we are coming to a point in which what is happening in Ukraine is a colossal wildfire, and, no, it is not perfectly normal. So insisting on peace, sanctions, and keeping calm to avoid a world war while the free world blazes away may not be enough. I’m speaking from experience, Uncle Joe.

Itxu Díaz
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Itxu Díaz is a Spanish journalist, political satirist, and author. He has written 10 books on topics as diverse as politics, music, and smart appliances. He is a contributor to The Daily Beast, The Daily Caller, National Review, American Conservative, and Diario Las Américas in the United States, as well as a columnist at several Spanish magazines and newspapers. He was also an adviser to the Ministry for Education, Culture, and Sports in Spain.
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