All right, all right. Calm down. Yes, it’s New Year’s Eve again. So what’s the big deal? Read the calendar, pilgrim. No matter how fervently Maureen Dowd and Keith Olbermann might wish it to be, next year isn’t 2008. I almost wish it were. The Christmas Eve edition of the Washington Post gave us two headlines that I wish could reappear same time next year. One was Vichy John Kerry’s op-ed entitled, “The case for flip-flopping.” The second was, “Monica Lewinsky flashes her intellect.” Those will be mighty hard to beat.
Well, maybe not. If last week’s presidential wannabe polls could repeat themselves in, say, late December 2007, we’d be laughing so hard we’d probably not be able to breathe. Last week’s polls showed Hillary running fourth to Baby Obama in Iowa and in a dead heat with him in New Hampshire (and only a few points ahead of the Breck Girl, John Edwards). Who among us wouldn’t have paid big money to have been in the room when she found out?
Despite what may lift our hearts as 2006 ends, we’ve lost a lot this year, and have little to show for it. Many young Americans gave their lives for us, and among the debts we owe them is to neither forgive the enemy nor forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Our president, still talking about democracy in Iraq, seems to have lost his compass and no matter how many half-Bakered “study groups” opine, there’s still one and only one way to end this war. Someone needs to get Dubya to write this on a bulletin board 100 times: Peace is not about processes. It’s about winners and losers, and until each belligerent is in one category or the other, the war ain’t over.
Two thousand six was the year we first saw flying imams delivering CAIR packages to airlines, provocations calculated to force the elimination of essential security measures on the absurd theory they are racist. We beheld the flaming Foleys felling Hastert and the flailing Nutroots bitter at failing to elect Ned. Justice proved not just blind but deaf and dumb. Cynthia McKinney left office after slugging a cop, grateful that the U.S. Attorney in D.C. was giving her a pass though the Duke lacrosse team is still wearing the thumbscrews of the Tarheel Torquemada, Mike Nifong. All that was bizarre enough but, of course, there was worse.
Israeli president Ehud Olmert is a man who thought he needed to prove something. Unfortunately for his nation and the world, what he felt he had to prove was that even Israel could lose a war. Which didn’t pass unnoticed in Bad Guy HQ, where ol’ “Apocalypse Wow!” Ahmadinejad held his first “Hitler Was an Underachiever” conference while the UN passed some “sanctions” to which he responded with a Bronx cheer. The Saudis, of course, want to take advantage of our weakness to play both sides, getting us to sell the Israelis out to buy peace with Iran. Their ambassador, Turki al-Faisal, left in a big hurry (leaving unpaid bills behind) and they’ve notified Foggy Bottom that their new ambassador will be their TV flack, Adel al-Jubeir. Al-Jubeir has been, too generously, labeled a “lying sonofabitch” by our friends at the Weekly Standard. This guy is Baghdad Bob in an Armani suit. He will make a very dangerous mouthpiece for the Wahabbi Islamofascists, unless we make enough fun of him. Which we shall.
Some of our best left government. Departures included the Big Dog, SECDEF Don Rumsfeld, and John Bolton, our most effective diplomat since the late, great Jeane Kirkpatrick. (I dreamt, for one fleeting moment, about a Rumsfeld-Bolton ticket in 2008. Can you imagine how much Prozac the New York Times editors would consume if that dream came true? R-B in ’08?) And, oh yeah. The Republicans lost control of Congress. They deserved to lose, but we don’t deserve what’s going to happen because they did. Waidaminit: what the hell is this? Some liberal whinefest? Are we men or are we French?
OK. Fine. We took our licks this year both abroad and at home. And the next two years — with the White House and Congress in the hands they are — ain’t gonna be pretty. So what are we prepared to do? Kick the tires and light the fires, boys and girls. We need speed and altitude. And nobody — and that means you — gets off the runway with any empty magazines or bomb racks. Ready? Damn right, you are.
Mission One is getting the Conservative Coalition back together. (R-B in ’08.) Yeah, yeah, the media talk about “movement” conservatives and sometimes so do we. But there’s no conservative movement, just a coalition of lots of different kinds of folks who rally around core conservative principles. There are the neocons, the paleocons, the cultural conservatives, the Reagan Dems, the Endgame Cons and the religious conservatives (who usually find themselves in more than one of these categories). And — from this moment forward — we have to resolve that we will adapt the Gipper’s Eleventh Commandment to the new status quo, of course defining that term as he prescribed. Reagan said “status quo” is Latin for “the mess we’re in.”
From here on, we shall never speak ill of a fellow conservative. Yeah, it’s okay to blast any faux-conservatives who deserve it (such as the “Republican” co-author of the McCain-Lieberman “global warming” bill and the Georgia fellow who thinks we have to limit the First Amendment in order to win the war). But no more bashing other Conservatives, even when they deserve it. Instead, talk to each other, negotiate, but don’t slash or burn. We may not always agree, but we have to work at it so we agree enough to elect a real, no-foolin’-war-fightin’ conservative in 2008. (R-B in ’08.)
This next year, we’ll be assaulted by the Greens, the antiwar punks, and every other kind of creature that inhabits the Democrats Anxiety Closet. The Senate Repubs won’t be much better, but we can take heart from two things: Mitch McConnell is one of the best we have and George W. Bush doesn’t want to leave the Republican Party a smoking rubble in 2009. (R-B in ’08.) And when we shove Dubya — hard, like we did when he nominated Hapless Harriett to the Supreme Court — we can turn him away from the Dark Side. The 2007 Air Tasking Order says the whole conservative wing is on “plus 5” alert: that means you gotta be in the air, loaded for bear and looking for trouble on 5-minutes’ notice. We know how to be effective — be accurate, be fast, and be tough — and now we have to do it long, hard, and continuously until after the ’08 election. Our weapons are free speech, talk radio, television, the blogs and the conservative press such as TAS. (R-B in ’08.)
The test case will be illegal immigration. The Senate Waffle House will produce an amnesty bill, and the House will have no problem rolling over the few tough Republicans left there. But we can fight a holding action in both, and I promise to fly lead and drop all our rhetorical smart bombs right through the windows of the Oval Office. Dubya is on the wrong side. Time to drag him back to common sense, if it’s possible. Some people in this country (R-B in ’08) still know what that is. Meanwhile, get ready to raise merry old hell.
The best thing we have going for us is the opposition. They can’t help revealing their most liberal side and the media will be pushing them hard to obey the Michael Mooron wing of their party. John McCain isn’t the only Senator who wants to approve the Algore Global Warming Treaty. Babsy Boxer will make it her top priority (which will propel Algore back into the spotlight, thereby putting Babsy’s name right below Baby Obama’s on Hillary’s bad list). Leaky Leahy will push legislation to nullify the effectiveness of the NSA terrorist surveillance program, Cozy Carl Levin will do his best to stop ballistic missile defense, and that’s only the Senate side.
In Nasty Nancy’s Animal House, Wacky Jacky Murtha’s subcommittee will be foaming at the mouth about cutting and running, Rat Waxman will be slicing up pharmaceutical companies, the Dingelloids will be crunching defense contractors and Chucklin’ Charlie Rangel will be just kicking up those tax rates on the rich. Which, of course, means anyone who doesn’t live in his district. In another district, the one of Columbia, Scooter Libby will be brought to trial next year. Glam Gal Val’s hubby, serial liar Joe Wilson, is fighting a subpoena to testify. What on earth about testifying under penalty of perjury could possibly trouble Joe?
Just keep telling yourselves — and your neighbors, and everyone you talk to — that the liberals are the Dems and their media enablers. The Dems want to do what they always do: pretend to be moderates while pushing the most radical lib agenda. We can’t let them get away with it. Call them what they are: liberals. That’s the first step to national recovery.
Smile, people. Our nation is in a fight for its life, and we are the only ones (R-B in ’08) who can turn it back on course to victory. This is the battle we were born to fight. Fasten your ejection seat harness, throttle up and throw the “master arm” switch to the “fire” position. Political weapons free, troops. And Happy New Year, damnit.
TAS contributing editor Jed Babbin is the author of Inside the Asylum: Why the UN and Old Europe Are Worse Than You Think (Regnery, 2004) and, with Edward Timperlake, Showdown: Why China Wants War With the United States (Regnery, 2006).