About this time last year, Senator Ted Kennedy released a children’s book entitled My Senator and Me: A Dog’s Eye View of Washington, D.C. What was most revealing wasn’t that Senator Kennedy would write a book from the view of his dog, but that the dog’s was named “Splash.”
In the year since, I have been speaking with various sources in the publishing world who reveal that Senator Kennedy’s motif has proven popular with many ghostwriters. They have let me in on details about forthcoming books by various politicians and other celebrities written from the perspective of their pets. Today, let me share them with you.
It turns out Rep. Patrick Kennedy has decided to follow in his father’s footsteps. Rep. Kennedy’s book, “My Representative and Me: Cats’ Eye Views of the Capitol,” is written from the view perspective of Patrick’s two feline companions, Guard and Rail. In one passage, Guard describes a scene at LAX: “The Representative was as cooperative as he could be with the security guard, but he had no choice but to gently push her back as she belligerently got in his face.” Rail describes this incident: “Kennedy insisted to the officer that he really had stopped in at Hawk & Dove bar just to get some water so that he could take his sleeping medication.”
Another Capitol Hill habitue publishing a book with his pet is former Rep. Mark Foley. Written from the view of his pet boa constrictor, Bookmark, the working title is “Instant Messaging: How a Congressman Communicates With Constituents.” “The Congressman was very generous with his time,” says Bookmark in one passage. “Once while on the IM, he helped a young man with his math homework. ’23 times 3 is my favorite equation,’ wrote Foley.”
Congressman William Jefferson of Louisiana has a forthcoming book authored from the perspective of his goldfish, Graft. “One day Congressman Jefferson was fixing a drink for his friend. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘as strange as it sounds ice cubes taste so much better if you have some cash in the freezer.'”
The Long Island Lolita, Amy Fisher, already an award-winning writer in her own right, has a book coming out from the perspective of her parrot, Bullet. “Amy seemed very absent-minded before she left that fateful morning,” Bullet writes. “As she was putting things in her purse, she didn’t seem to notice that she had picked up a gun and put it in her pocket.”
“Slash,” the loyal Rottweiler of former football star O.J. Simpson, has reportedly inked a book deal with agent Judith Regan. Although there a few particulars at this time, rumor has it the first page begins, “If my master had done it….”
“Sandwich,” the pet Chihuahua of Senator Chris Dodd, is also writing a book. “Something very funny happened today in the bar down the street,” writes Sandwich. “The nice waitress bringing us some drinks tripped, spilling her tray of drinks and landing in Senator Kennedy’s lap. As Senator Dodd got up to help her, he slipped on the spilled drinks, tumbling into Kennedy and the waitress!”
Finally, the Reverend Al Sharpton also has a book coming out that from the perspective of his pet ferret, Blaze, entitled “Speak Long and Loud: A Weasel’s View of Civil Rights.” “While fighting for the rights of a black-owned music store,” Blaze writes in one passage, “the Reverend Sharpton had no way of knowing that in the future he would face down a much greater danger. ‘If we don’t stop this Don Imus,’ Sharpton would later say, ‘then race relations could deteriorate to the point that this country burns to the ground!'”
Well, that’s all of the ones I’m aware of. If you know of any other books that are being written from the perspective of someone’s pet, please email the information to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll be sure to post it on AmSpecBlog.
David Hogberg is writer in Washington. He also hosts his own website, Health Hog.