Sorry, but les personnes insupportables — the
French, of course — are once again fair game, regardless of their troubles.
Our self-imposed moratorium on the abuse of France is hereby ended because — as I am
informed — their self-defense
website is picking on Jay Leno.
Their complaint, as it
always is against any of us, is that the offender is being, well, offensive to
the French. But in the evidence they cite, they prove Leno's innocence, at
least of slander. Hilariously, with a compendium of Lenoisms going back a
couple of years. To wit:
- It's no surprise the French won't help us get
Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France.
- The Hitler miniseries on CBS, seven
nominations. The Napoleon miniseries also got seven nominations. So Hitler is
up against Napoleon. Do you realize this could be the first time the French
beat the Germans?
- They say over in France the wine region over there is going
through an incredible heat wave, destroying all the crops. The crops are ruined
and this has devastated the French economy. Proving once again: Prayer works.
- The French decided to use Woody Allen because
he’s the one guy on the planet who doesn’t frighten them.
- While President Bush was over there, a lot of
protesting. People throwing rocks, breaking windows. Great, now the French
start fighting.
- France has accused the U.S. Of being rude and abusive to them
and they’re taking it personally. And remember, every time an American is rude
and abusive they’re taking a job away from a Frenchman.