Obama Will Show Terrorists Who’s Boss With Climate Change Conference

By on 11.24.15 | 2:28PM

Next week, the world's leaders will converge on Paris to discuss whether humanity is burning up the ozone layer and how best to address the problem (hint: the solution will probably include a plea for more governmental authority in monitoring and controlling humanity's energy consumption and, probably, taxes). And, thankfully, according to our fearless leader who has been completely absent from the world stage following the Paris terror attacks, such a gathering will not only end our global reliance on fossil fuels, but it will also demonstrate to a homicidal Islamic apocalypse cult that we are a strong, global presence committed to the issues that truly matter.

Or something.

All we know is that President Obama is 100% convinced that our best offense against terrorism is a Climate Change conference. 

After Paris, Obama Will Not Change Tactics on ISIS

By on 11.16.15 | 1:20PM

Obviously, President Obama has had a tough weekend, what with a terrorist attack on a major ally and then a long flight to Turkey for the G20, so I suppose we can give him a pass on his foot-stomping tantrum this morning at the world summit in response to questions about how the US will respond to a freshly motivated Islamic State. 

But why would we do that?

Although the attacks in Paris came just hours after the President claimed ISIS was "decapitated" and "contained," and although even liberal allies in the New York Times and elsewhere are calling for a greater focus on defeating, not just controlling the advance of ISIS on the Arab penninsula, Barack Obama spent most of his first G20 press conference insisting that there would be no change to US policy

Iran Deal Negotiations Will Not Ruin President’s Vacation

By on 8.5.15 | 1:18PM

The President will depart DC this week for Martha's Vineyard, where he will enjoy a fortnight of frolic among the bourgeoisie, playing rounds of golf and eating all sorts of over-priced seafood, possibly while dressed like someone's mother in a 1985 commercial for paper towels.

Meanwhile, he's supposed to be convincing members of Congress that the deal he and John Kerry negotiated with Iran, which will lift sanctions in return for basically nothing but Iranian assurances that they will not turn western Europe into a sea of green glass in a nuclear disaster. Although he gave a short speech and Tweeted out a couple of lame reasons for supporting the deal ("its deal or war!" - never mind Iran is already basically at war with everyone, anyway), he's leaving most of the convincing to his staff, who will call him to intervene with Democratic turncoats only if his influence is truly necessary.

Martha’s Vineyard Preps for Obama Family Summer Vacation

By on 7.7.15 | 12:45PM

We're still a month away from the annual Obama Family Summer Vacation on Martha's Vineyard, but preparations are already underway on the tony New England isle so that when the First Family makes their debut, they'll be as comfortable as possible. The Obamas will officially arrive August 8th and stay until August 23rd unless, like last year, the President's golf game is rudely interrupted by tensions in the Middle East.

Last year, the Obamas were forced to make last-minute changes to their plans when their preferred vacation mansion sold to new owners. Their substitute locale must have been surprisingly pleasing, since they will return this year, to the 8,100 square foot, $12 million Chilmark mansion.

August is coming, so you know what that means: President Obama and the fam will be coming, too. Barry, Michelle and the girls, Sasha and Malia, are scheduled to arrive for their annual summer holiday on Martha’s Vineyard on Aug. 8 and will depart Aug. 23, say our island spies.

Obama Administration “Bans” Trans Fats

By on 6.16.15 | 11:39AM

Our obesity epidemic is over. 

Although the science of "trans fats" being ultimately responsible for Americans' untimely deaths and need for double airplane seats is questionable at best, and banning trans fats has become something of a backbench issue to other more pressing anti-science health concerns, like whether genetically modified organisims are, indeed, ruining our very molecular makeup, the Obama Administration took the drastic step of "banning" trans fats through the FDA, giving producers three years to phase out all trans fat use. 

The Obama administration is making good on its pledge to all but ban trans fat nationwide.

The FDA issued a final decision Tuesday that gives the food industry three years to phase out partially hydrogenated oils, the main source of trans fat, which are still used in a wide variety of products from microwave popcorn to cake frosting.

Barack Obama Announces Free Community College

By on 1.9.15 | 12:39PM

Barack Obama is on a whirlwind tour of the country this week, touting his administration's success in resurrecting the economy. Yesterday, he announced that home prices have risen under his watch and the real estate market is recovering, and in response, he's again lowering the requirements to get an FHA mortgage, because if there was anything that was totally not responsible for tanking the housing market, it was giving unqualified people mortgages. 

Today, he followed up that remarkable policy pronouncement with something even bigger. Now, when you finish high school, you can get two more years for free!

President Barack Obama will need the approval of Congress to realize his proposal for making two years of community college free for students.

So far, that plan doesn’t have an official price tag — other than “significant,” according to White House officials. If all 50 states participate, the proposal could benefit 9 million students each year and save students an average of $3,800 in tuition, the White House said.

Fed District Court Declares Obama’s Executive Amnesty Unconstitutional

By on 12.16.14 | 3:43PM

It's only the first court of many that will review the order, so it's nothing to get horribly excited about, but one Federal district court in Pennsylvania has declared that some aspects of President Obama's executive action on immigration go beyond mere "prosecutorial discretion" and are therefore unconstitutional.

Earlier Tuesday, a federal court in Pennsylvania declared aspects of President Obama’s executive actions on immigration policy unconstitutional.

According to the opinion by Judge Arthur Schwab, the president’s policy goes “beyond prosecutorial discretion” in that it provides a relatively rigid framework for considering applications for deferred action, thus obviating any meaningful case-by-case determination as prosecutorial discretion requires, and provides substantive rights to applicable individuals.  As a consequence,  Schwab concluded, the action exceeds the scope of executive authority.

President Obama “Eagerly Looking Forward” to Hawaiian Vacation

By on 12.16.14 | 1:13PM

Congress has one more committee meeting this month and then they're all headed home for a month-long (or, in some cases, following the 2014 elections, a permanent) vacation. Seeing as how they've exhausted themselves working approximately half the year, clearly they deserve the time off to enjoy all the gifts they'll receive from lobbyists, and to recover from the pounding hangover they got from all of these DC holiday parties.

The President himself will also depart the Capitol this weekend, taking off on Friday for a 17-day Hawaiian vacation with his family at their private home in Kailua. The President, who has had a rough six months or so as his Administration's early policies bear fruit worldwide, is said to be "eagerly looking forward to" the nice weather and possible lack of cell phone service.

“On Friday, the first family will depart the White House en route to Honolulu, Hawaii — a flight that I know the president himself is eagerly looking forward to,” said spokesman Josh Earnest.

Media Matters

The Sins of Elizabeth Lauten

By 12.3.14

Elizabeth Lauten, communications director for a GOP congressman, committed a cardinal sin in politics last weekend: posting on Facebook about a couple of aggravated teenagers forced to endure their dad’s turkey-pardoning ceremony, during a space of time where little to nothing of note was happening on the national scene. Thankfully, our esteemed fourth estate immediately seized on her transgression against the cult of personality inhabiting the White House, and badgered her and her under-the-radar Republican boss until she was forced to publicly apologize, resign, and pack up her things from her Hill apartment and return to that segment of flyover country from whence she came. The media may not know how to handle more pressing matters facing their industry, like whether they should report accurately on a Missouri grand jury investigation so as not to further inflame community tensions, but they sure know how to make a girl cry.

Barack Obama May Try to Shut Down Government Over Amnesty

By on 12.2.14 | 3:30PM

The brief government shutdown was so much fun last year that it looks like we're going to try it again. This time, instead of having to listen to Ted Cruz read Dr. Seuss into the Congressional record, however, we'll have to listen to the White House explain why the Postal Service can't deliver your Christmas catalogs and coupon books efficiently. Having apparently taken a page out of Sen. Cruz's playbook, the Obama Administration, through Josh Earnest, has noted that if the Republicans try to pass a budget bill that deliberately excludes funding for the President's executive amnesty, we'll the President is just going to shut this whole thing down, take his ball and pout in a corner.

White House spokesman Josh Earnest said Monday that President Barack Obama will block a government budget bill if the GOP denies him the funds needed to provide amnesty to millions of illegal immigrants.

“Yes,” Earnest said when asked by ABC News reporter Jonathan Karl if Obama would veto a government-wide budget that defunded the amnesty program.