Among the Intellectualoids
Our Enemy, the Dog
The ecobullies’ modest proposal to reduce carbon.
Is man’s best friend one of Earth’s worst enemies?
Apparently so, according to a new book by sustainable living experts Robert and Brenda Vale. The Vales have started a minor tempest in a miniature teapot by claiming that the annual carbon pawprint of the humble Canis lupus familiaris is double that of a gas-guzzling SUV.
The news is reported in a new book called Time to Eat the Dog: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living. Curiously, the Vales’ book is not available as an environmentally friendly audio download, but only as a paperback. Indeed, an entire grove of old growth forest was felled so the Vales could get out their message of sustainable living.
For that very reason — among others — I didn’t read the Vales’ book, but I did read about their book in the latest New Scientist, which I read rather religiously — or, perhaps I should say, rather secularly. According to the Vales’ research, a medium-sized pooch consumes about 360 pounds of meat a year, and about half that in cereal, which sounds oddly similar to my diet. It takes a lot of land to generate that much meat and cereal annually, about 2.07 acres — which adds up to twice the carbon footprint required to drive a suburban utility vehicle 6,200 miles, including the energy to build the car.
The editors of New Scientist were skeptical (and grouchy), so they brought in a sustainability expert to assess the authors’ findings. The expert, John Barrett of the Stockholm Environment Institute, came up with similar numbers, and even went the Vales one better, calling dog ownership “an extravagance.”
This, of course, comes as welcome news to the sort of people who hate dogs. Anyway, it’s one more reason not to like them: as if the mess they leave in your yard and the way they jump all over you with their muddy paws and sniff you in naughty places isn’t enough. And, believe me, it is.
Cat haters received some good news too. Owning a cat is only slightly less disastrous, environmentally speaking — equal to that of driving a Volkswagen Golf for a year — though that raises its own set of troubling questions, such as why anybody want to do either one.
The Vales conclude that pets, regardless of their species, are pretty much bad news all around. They devastate wildlife and spread deadly disease. Doggy doo is not just something I step in every time I walk across the lawn, it pollutes rivers and streams, making water unsafe to drink and “starving waterways of oxygen and killing aquatic life.” As for bloodthirsty Mr. Puss-Puss, he’s responsible for the deaths of upwards of 25 birds, mammals and frogs per year, which the authors evidently think is a bad thing. How about sea otters? Do you think otters are cute, with their funny little faces and the way they float on their backs cracking oysters? Well, your cats are killing them by the bucket load due to a parasite in cat feces that often ends up in rivers and streams, and, eventually, in the otter’s coastal living room.
PET RIGHTS GROUPS were quick to object to the Vales’ findings, noting the importance of furry little critters. Pets are essential, they said, because they teach children responsibility — anyway, they teach parents better than to think children can be responsible — and, as for seniors, they provide companionship for lonely old people in nursing homes so their adult children don’t have to.
The United States comes in for special criticism — no surprise — for not only do we drive the biggest cars and watch the biggest TVs, but when it comes to pet ownership, we make the rest of the world look like rank amateurs.
Upon hearing the report, President Obama was quick to announce a plan to reduce the “pet dog footprint” by 2018. He then set an example for the entire nation by taking the First Pet “Bo” out back of the White House and having him whacked by a secret service agent, as First Daughters Malia and Sasha looked on in horror. The shooting was applauded by environmentalists and dog haters, but was roundly condemned by animal rights groups, to say nothing of the reaction of Malia and Sasha’s mother.
Like all good liberal intellectuals, the Vales have come up with some far-reaching and completely impractical solutions to the so-called pet problem. For instance, they suggest we put our pets on vegetarian diets. Better yet, three-day old fish heads are good enough for your cat, and if you are worried about Mr. Puss Puss’s breath when he comes up and licks you in the face, maybe it’s time you gave Internet dating another shot.
About the Author
Christopher Orlet writes from St. Louis.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (80) | Leave a comment
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drudge ette obama| 12.29.09 @ 7:30AM
I guess the Vales should start at the local animal shelter, fork and knife in hand, then head over to the AKC Dog Show. But if I see them coming up my driveway to bag my little dog with plans to braise her in a lovely wine sauce, there won't be anything scientific or gourmet about what will happen to the Vale cretins next.
What fools inhabit this earth. How did these people come to be and still be tolerated?
Matt| 12.30.09 @ 1:33PM
What's the carbon footprint of a Democrat I winder?
Stephanie| 12.29.09 @ 7:46AM
What ARE these people smoking?
Pingback| 12.29.09 @ 7:48AM
Twitter Trackbacks for The American Spectator : Our Enemy, the Dog [spectator.org] o links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Northern Rebel| 12.29.09 @ 7:49AM
The most efficient way to make the world a better place, and reduce our carbon footprint, if we must, is to eliminate all liberal socialists.
I suggest we start with Robert and Brenda Vail.
There are only a small handful of humans that I love and trust more than my dogs.
Ret. Marine| 12.29.09 @ 7:56AM
The more I know of people like this, the more I respect and love my animals. Afterall, they show no sign of being predjustic other than wanting to eat people like liberals. An aquired taste prehaps or are animal instincts correct.
Tim| 12.29.09 @ 10:22AM
They may want to eat liberals, but it can't be good for them...
Ex-yank| 12.29.09 @ 7:57AM
Perhaps these people are tolerated due to our freedom of speech and association. Is that not in our Constitution? Intelligence in the human race is limited,yet the population of the Earth continues to grow.
Pingback| 12.29.09 @ 8:12AM
Must Know Headlines 12.29.2009 — ExposeTheMedia.com links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Richard Baker| 12.29.09 @ 8:12AM
Perhaps culling the herd of "sutainability" experts would be a good first step. In a choice between liberals and my dog, all I can say is"bow wow." First to go would be those "experts" Paul and Anne Ehrlich of "Population Bomb" infamy.
Brat Magursky| 12.29.09 @ 8:35AM
ex-yank...no one disputes the constitutional right to free speech but just Like Hubert Humphrey said..."your right to be heard doesn't include a right to be taken seriously" much less forcing insane public policy on the unwilling...that isnt freedom of speech... that is communism in it's most abhorrent form. We are the Government therefore we know what is best for you so do what we say... or else ! we are at the point where the "or else" is far better than the alternative! There are 3 entities of society... (1) those who will always trust the government...(2) those who will never trust the government and (3) the government itself just waiting to devour #s 1 & 2
Tomas| 12.29.09 @ 7:34PM
I would go one further, Brat... The right for people to speak doesn't automatically give me a responsibility to listen; or give them the right to demand I listen. We can't take away their pulpit, but we sure as heck can take away their congregation.
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Richard Baker| 12.29.09 @ 8:42AM
Brat Magursky:
I grew up in Northern Virginia and remember Humphrey well. Today, in his own Party, he'd be seen as a Right wing crazy. May not have agreed with him always but he was an adult and not one of those childish creatures we find in DC these days.
A. James van Hine| 12.29.09 @ 9:01AM
I did a quick count... The progressives I know have more animals (pets) on average than do the Conservatives I know. Consider this, analyse all the stories of animal hoarding that you have witnessed or heard about and tell me that the majority (if not all) are liberals. Keep promoting this garbage progressives, it only serves to wake up those who have fallen for your communist scam.
Road Kill| 12.29.09 @ 9:06AM
What is this crap is being served up by these ding dongs? Dogs exhibit positive traits that a lib can only despise. Faithfulness, love (yes they exhibit love), a willingness to listen (better than our current bevy of liberals), respect to their owners rich or poor, courage to protect the home hearth, and a mistrust for change. And they don't have the ability to lie! Those libs could take a lesson there.
Was it fire or the domesticated K-9 that allowed the human species to develop and conquer other species? When the saber toothed tiger came to the cave entrance who growled out the warning and allowed the men to prepare for the onslaught? Who acted as a distraction and gave the spear its chance to be thrust into the beast? The dogs were willing to lay down their lives for the clan, another lesson for vile liberals to learn.
There are a few things that libs shouldn't mess with. A man's family, his gun, and his dog. Any of those and its war!!
Son Of Sam | 12.29.09 @ 10:10AM
The ObamaNazis declared war on us a long time ago. All that remains is for us to join the battle and destroy them.
stand strong until freedom dawns
Son Of Sam
http://www.samadamssos.bravehost.com/
samadams1765@gmail.com
Carl| 12.29.09 @ 9:22AM
So, a dog is worse than an SUV in terms of carbon footprint. I don't own a dog, but I do own an SUV. How about me not complaining about dog owners, and dog owners not complaining about SUV owners. And, how about the government leaving us both alone. This used to be a free country.
Franklin| 12.29.09 @ 1:44PM
I have two cats and one SUV. I complain about myself all the time! Guess I better stop it, huh?!
Tomas| 12.29.09 @ 7:37PM
Franklin: well, duh! That's because you have cats, and we all know a cat's greatest gift is to make its owner feel inferior to them! ;-)
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Franklin| 12.30.09 @ 4:59PM
Oh, that they do!!!
Anastasia Mather| 12.29.09 @ 9:29AM
The one thing I notice is that these envirowhackos never volunteer to off themselves to diminish their own personal carbon footprint. Imagine if ALL of these deranged people did so, how much better off the environment would be allegedly.
I'm not a big fan of dogs for pets, but I sure wouldn't deny other people the pleasure of their company and companionship. I'm more of a cat person, and my cats are a source of both mental and physical health as they greet me, sit with me, play with me, and allow me to pet them. Better than tranquilizers, better than blood pressure pills, better than psychotherapy. I'm sure dog owners feel the same way about their furry friends.
michigander_sandusky| 12.29.09 @ 9:36AM
"Common sense is a very uncommon commodity." J. W. McGarvey
Northern Rebel| 12.29.09 @ 10:02AM
I let my dog read this article, and she scoffed at the Vail couple's assertions. She knows very well the contributions she makes to this family, and she knows she is the smartest one in the family.
(She has never opened the door for me, or fed me. Who's smarter?)
She would responded personally, but her paws can't hit the buttons quite right, so she dictated her response to me.
Road Kill| 12.29.09 @ 6:08PM
Dear Northern Rebel:
Your dog is making contributions to the family? Bravo! That's more than the liberals are doing for any American family. One of my dogs read the article too, only he went over to the weeds and left a rendering of Pelosi's image. The other dog, well, she's still learning how to read.
mt| 12.29.09 @ 10:04AM
I guess this means we are not going to have a national pet health plan. Sad, there is a large group of nonhuman companions who can't afford health insurance.
JMM| 12.29.09 @ 10:04AM
The world would be a better place if all the Enviro-Whackos were turned into kibbles and fed to the dogs.
http://www.conversationsaround.....ogspot.com
Son Of Sam | 12.29.09 @ 10:06AM
My dog is smarter than their teleprompter
stand strong until freedom dawns
Son Of Sam
http://www.samadamssos.bravehost.com/
samadams1765@gmail.com
Tim| 12.29.09 @ 10:25AM
After the fall of civilization, these are the types of morons who will wander out from the cities looking for us to feed and shelter them.
Ret. Marine| 12.29.09 @ 6:43PM
Better not stop at my door, what was that famous line, "meet my little friend"
Evelyn| 12.29.09 @ 10:47AM
One can only imagine the collective paroxym of loathing the Vales experienced when they heard about a plane being chartered to bring a hundred Chihuahuas from Southern California to the Denver Dumb Friends League for adoption.
As for myself, I'm grateful that I live in a country where such a thing can happen.
K-9| 12.29.09 @ 10:50AM
They have finally gone too far. How dare they criticize my right to flatulate? Sadly my kind have never been enfranchised so the only means we have to show our discontent is with our teeth. Perhaps if we took a piece out of a few backsides from the members of Congress both we and our masters would have a better world in which to live. What will they do next, tax us? Would you our owners realize that this would be "taxation without representation"? Turn us loose and we could solve the problem for you as well.
Feline| 12.29.09 @ 1:49PM
I have very sharp claws. I'd like to join you when you remove pieces of A$$.
I'll shred the front and you take care of the brains.
K-9| 12.29.09 @ 3:54PM
WOOF (it's a date)
c. j. acworth| 12.29.09 @ 11:15AM
As I read it, the article is actually good news. They are saying that driving an SUV is no worse than owning a dog.
Tony in Central PA| 12.29.09 @ 11:32AM
I suspect any day now we'll be seeing a straight - faced, environmentalism - as - religion proposal for something like Soylent Green.
This all reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw a few years back, " Save the Planet, Kill Yourself ". This also reminds me of Ralph Nader's 2000 Presidential platform, which was to get the population of the US down to 140 million. I'm also waiting for the " Vote for Nader, then Kill Yourself " campaign stickers.
Ray| 12.29.09 @ 12:13PM
So, now we have people "studying' the environmental impact of animals that are kept as pets? What's next, a study of the the environmental impact of the Pet Rock and Cabbage Patch Kids? Those rocks don't grow on trees, you know, they have to be, OMG!, quarried! and cabbage patch kids are, OMG!, MANUFACTURED! What's the environmental impact of quarrying all those pet rocks and manufacturing all those cabbage patch kids? I bet the CO2 footprint is enormous!
Someone better do a study in this, quickly! I mean, really, the lives of our children just may depend upon it!
Marc Jeric| 12.29.09 @ 2:16PM
Another example showing the environmentalism is a cult of death, led by eco-nazis.
Savvy Cowboy| 12.29.09 @ 2:40PM
We have a horse ranch with horses and 4 big dogs. I guess that puts us on the top of those eco-fascist's list. Well, they are more than welcome to come on out and we'll settle this; they best buy a one way ticket - 'cause I like feeding our neighborhood coyotes fresh liberals every once in a while! ;)
Al Adab| 12.29.09 @ 3:58PM
Let's see. If I remember correctly the maure pile is a good source of saltpeter. Couple that with a little charcoal from a grill and some sulpher... Somehow owning horses probably makes you a terrorist threat.
Soon in the name of security, we will all be required to surrender or guns. Isn't there some UN proposal on small arms?
Tom| 12.29.09 @ 3:11PM
I have a dog, bird, own guns and go hunting and drive a SUV. Guess one can guess what I think of the Val's.
mejamom| 12.29.09 @ 3:29PM
So because the Vales, who are liberals, have an opinion, all liberals are going to agree with them and get rid of their dogs?
C'mon, I'm getting tired of being called all kinds of names ( like communist or socialist) because I happen to disagree with an opinion written by a conservative. There are plenty of "liberals" out there who drive SUVs and are questioning the validity of global warming alarmists. I know people who call themselves conservatives who are pro choice, smoke weed, and secretly can't wait to get free health care.
Is there a place to post comments where name calling or advertising isn't acceptable?
Don| 12.29.09 @ 3:47PM
I been saying we should eat dogs for years, what's the big deal? Cats too. :: ))
Keith| 12.29.09 @ 4:08PM
Gee! I have been following Harry Truman's advice for lo, these many years. Living in Washington, am I now permitted NO friends?
trapper| 12.29.09 @ 4:45PM
I took Buster, my chocolate lab, hunting today. We chased several pheasants and I killed three greenhead mallards which my dog retrieved from the lake. Gee, that was fun. What were you saying about my carbon footprint? Oh, I, my wife, and Buster will be having roast duck tonight
HENRI| 12.29.09 @ 4:48PM
Please ignore such utter nonsense, and go walk and enjoy your dog, or play with your cat. The world is full of idiots like that, and as the population increases, there wil be more of them. The whole CO2 issue is so misrepresented, it is pathetic. And coming to think of it, perhaps the rising seas (if you happen to believe in such misinformation) will drown a lot of people like the Vales. Let's hope for the best!
Northern Rebel's dog, FiFi | 12.29.09 @ 5:13PM
I finally figured out how to use my claws to type!
My dad Pepe always told me there were stupid humans called liberal intellectuals, but he said to be polite to them.
My master Northern Rebel disagrees, and tells me they taste like squirrels. I'd love to chase one of them up a tree, and growl at them until they pee those funny cloth things they wear, so they can't lick themselves
the permanent newbie| 12.29.09 @ 9:36PM
My building doesn't permit dogs or cats, so we have a Ball Python. His name is Fluffy. He eats once a week, spends most of his time curled up inside a fake rock, and uses about as much energy as the annual carbon footprint of a Razor scooter. We are very fond of him. I'd love to sic him on the Vales, but he's not poisonous and is too small (2.5') to do any damage. Dang.
Tassie| 12.29.09 @ 9:37PM
I wonder how much crazier people will get. Haven't we not yet reached the tipping point? It is really scary, that people like the Vales have no other interests in life.
FiFi| 12.29.09 @ 11:42PM
My master Northern Rebel told me never to chase SUV's, only hybrids, and Subaru Outbacks.
gordon| 12.30.09 @ 3:44AM
what do you call a fillipino whose dog dies of old age?
...a vegetarian.
RattieBud| 12.30.09 @ 6:50AM
My pet rats are smarter than all the liberals in DC. I'll send them over to demonstrate. Get ready for Nancy's botox face to break when she sees them.
Dang, just wish they had opposible thumbs. They could take over Congress.
Richard Baker| 12.30.09 @ 8:25AM
Gordon:
My Korean friends eat Gaegogi which is Korean for dog meat though they usually eat it in a stew. Yum.
Pingback| 12.30.09 @ 4:16PM
Our Enemy, the Dog « Spirit Led America links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
GreyLion| 12.31.09 @ 2:23PM
Perscription for national health:
1. Hang all the lawyers
2. Eat all the scientists
TotallyAghast| 12.31.09 @ 7:28PM
I sincerely hope the Vale's have not been breeding.
Ken Roberts| 1.2.10 @ 8:00AM
Do the Vales have a job did they actually go to school , I wonder what terrible thing their parents did to them while growing up to get them to write such tripe and garbage . I will admit they do defecate and urinate but so does every living thing on earth, it is the natrual thing that all living things do. Co2 is a good gas no trouble there, it is the people that have rocks in their heads that come up with this bull that are the trouble makers . If the left is so caught up in people not breathing I will follow suit two hours after all of them have stopped breathing. (I lie) .If they are so dumb to think we have to kill fido to survive I can only feel sorry for them as they must have had monsters under their beds when they were kids.
Ken Roberts | 1.2.10 @ 8:11AM
the nice thing about being retired , shoes last much longer. over hills over Vales we must stop them from eating fido!! I think it is a conspiracy to eliminate all the guard dogs and seeing eye dogs
Pingback| 1.11.10 @ 12:28PM
Cooler Heads Digest 29 December 2009 | GlobalWarming.org links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
Pingback| 1.24.10 @ 3:15PM
Fight global warming; eat your dog | No Apologies links to this page. Here’s an excerpt:
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