Time and history may have diminished them, but the Democrat Big Three remain entrenched, with room on the bench for no one but the tall guy, who as is his wont remains the odd man out.
John Kerry was universally known as the greatest windsurfer in U.S. State Department history. Perhaps the Ninth Circuit’s recruits from seven largely Muslim countries will bring to our shores a worthy successor. Until then, though, we’ll just have to delight in the newly declared kitesurfing skills acquired by Mr. Kerry’s recent partner in international mayhem. Paper or plastic? Windsurfing or kitesurfing? The Dems remain the party of choice.
Just to be on the safe side, former Veep Biden has accepted a new position as the University of Pennsylvania’s Ben Franklin Presidential Practice professor. Ostensibly his main duty will require him to fly kites along the UPenn quad. (He’s hoping to prove that lightning can strike twice.) Practice will make perfect, regardless, and should anything unfortunate occur to Mr. Obama on a sea-kiting expedition, Mr. Biden will be well prepared to assume all post-presidential kite-related activities — leaving the none-kiting windsurfing Mr. Kerry riding the bench again, collecting splinters.
While the boys have all the fun, the biggest loser in any presidential race since Thomas Dewey remains grounded. Why was she never allowed to kite- or wind-surf? At the Javits Center, one of those methods might have allowed her to crash through its glass ceiling before returning to earth atop a wave of glass shards. Certainly that would have made for a more auspicious arrival than sending out the frazzled John Podesta to entertain the crowd.
Luckily, the defeated Democrat is not one to rest on her disappointments. And so we’ve discovered she’s plotting new achievements for herself and her kind. “The future is female,” she declared this week. Rather reminded us of the disturbing Hitler youth ballad in that great film Cabaret, “The Future Belongs to Me.” Refrains include “Stronger Together” and “I’m With Her.” So there’s your future, at least you of a non-male disposition, unless you want to redefine the meaning of “female.” Be our guest.
By the way, how come Mr. Biden got a plum academic position while his partner, Dr. Biden, remains a lowly junior college instructor? Could it have something to do with the advantages and disadvantages inherent in gender categorization? In a more just world, a progressive justice like Ruth B. Ginsburg might be relied on to reverse matters. Instead, when last seen she was reveling in the privilege of Stanford University and letting on that of the things she would like to change, “one is the Electoral College.” See what happens when you don’t retire to New Zealand?
Even at the New York Times gender discrimination remains transparent on its pages. Thus we had Betsy DeVos, presumably the last Secretary of Education we’ll ever see confirmed, described right at the start of the Times’ report on her victory as “wealthy” and a “billionaire” — two class-war memes missing in the Times’ story on billionaire Richard Branson, whom Mr. Obama had hired as his kitesurfing instructor. Instead, Branson is provocatively identified as “chief executive of the Virgin Group.” Thanks to the Ninth Circuit, President Trump’s executive order won’t be able to offer Mr. Obama’s mentor any protection on that score.
Which brings us back to pondering what really lies ahead. Que sera, sera. But the future is said to be especially good for Elizabeth Warren, a Senator from the Massachusetts Reservation, who clinched the Democrat 2020 nomination thanks to Republican Senate maneuverings that turned her into the most attractive victim of an attempted massacre since Audrey Hepburn and Natalie Wood starred in a pair of Cowboys & Indians movies along those lines. It is with great pride, then, that we cast the deciding vote for the next presidential election loser, Senator-Professor Elizabeth Warren, Enemy of the Week extraordinaire.
Of course, all bets are off if Justice Ginsburg declares the Electoral College unconstitutional.