Who’s Really Running Disney? Putin? - The American Spectator | USA News and Politics
Who’s Really Running Disney? Putin?

In a stunning move that caught the business world by surprise, the Walt Disney Company announced today that it was replacing CEO Bob Chapek, a 26-year Disney employee, with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The news was made public April 1, along with the revelation that Putin had already resigned the Russian presidency and was en route to the United States.

The news also revealed that major changes are coming to the company’s theme parks and famous characters, TV shows and movies, completely revamping the company. “Vlad is finally going to bring Disney into the 21st century,” said one company source. “Along with some changes unique to him.”

Another source close to the incoming CEO rattled off a list of changes that were already being made in the name of creating a “not-at-all-secret gay agenda.” Among them:

Mickey Mouse would be coming out as gay.

Donald Duck would be revealed to be a “trans duck.”

Snow White will have her name changed (“it was insultingly racist”) to Snow POC — as in Snow Person of Color.

After consultation with animal rights groups, Goofy is to be renamed “AD” for “Amusing Dog.”

The film The Parent Trap is to be renamed The Older Related Adult Trap.

The terms “boys and girls” and “ladies and gentlemen” will be scrapped in favor of “comrades.”

There is an undercurrent of concern with the Putin announcement. One senior executive was told that Putin wanted to focus on the competition with the Disney theme park in Orlando. Still fuming over Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling’s recent criticism of him, Putin had a specific suggestion as to how Disney should deal with rival Universal Studios’ exhibits “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter” and “Diagon Alley.” Putin’s alarming suggestion: “surface-to-air missiles.”

Others were concerned to learn that workers were already remaking the signs for the company’s “Magic Kingdom Park” at the Walt Disney World Resort near Orlando, Florida, to read “Magic Kremlin Park.”

As soon as Putin’s resignation as Russian president took effect, he was whisked to a private Disney jet which took him to the Mexican border with the United States. There he walked across the border anonymously with hundreds of illegal immigrants and was met at a specified landmark on the American side by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse, now recently filed for divorce.

The song in the original “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” — “Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work we go” is also being redone as “Hi sex workers, it’s off to work we go.” Said one new Putin hire, “Its unreal how insultingly sexist this company was before Vlad arrived.”

Also learned is that during Putin’s flight from Texas to Orlando he had the plane buzz the state Capitol in Tallahassee to remind Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis of who the new man in charge of Disney was. There are reports leaflets were dropped reminding DeSantis about who invaded Ukraine.

Got all this?

Okay, I confess. I thought this April Fool’s Day needed a little levity with all the craziness out there. But the real concern? The satire about Disney’s policies is not that far from the truth. See the following quite real headlines on what’s going on at Disney:

The New York Post:

Disney goes woke with new anti-racist agenda for employees

Fox News:

DeSantis slams ‘woke’ Disney after CEO condemns parents’ rights bill

DeSantis says, ‘In Florida, our policies got to be based on the best interest of Florida citizens, not on the musing of woke corporations’




Piers Morgan Slams Disney: How To Deal With The Woke Mob And Get Them To Move On

The Washington Examiner’s Nicole Russell:

The magic’s gone, welcome to Disney’s woke kingdom

On and on — and on and on — go the very real headlines and stories like this. My April Fool’s satire above is closer to the mark than one might think.

Meanwhile, as reported in the New York Post, a group of conservative Disney “employees penned an unsigned open letter arguing Disney has embraced what they described as a ‘progressive orthodoxy’ that has created an ‘environment of fear’ for employees who do not back left-leaning causes.” (READ MORE: Disneywoke: The Decline of a Great American Company)

Got that? The letter was unsigned — because the employees were afraid to state their names.

Imagine that. Actual, genuine fear, in Disney World of all places.

Not good. Not good at all.

Jeffrey Lord
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Jeffrey Lord, a contributing editor to The American Spectator, is a former aide to Ronald Reagan and Jack Kemp. An author and former CNN commentator, he writes from Pennsylvania at jlpa1@aol.com. His new book, Swamp Wars: Donald Trump and The New American Populism vs. The Old Order, is now out from Bombardier Books.
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