I am sad.
Sad I am.
I cannot read Green Eggs and Ham.
The eggs, through green, were not free-range.
And ham? Ask pigs. They think it’s strange.
I thought the Cat was just a cat.
Silly me, for thinking that.
Turns out he’s gendered and oppressive.
Do you, like me, find that excessive?
His pencils (black) and paper (white)
Let racial stereotypes take flight.
We cannot read him at our school.
We cannot fish McElligot’s Pool.
The next time Horton Hears a Who
It’s best that he keep quiet, too.
If you, like me, find this absurd
Let’s give these censors one small word
Which, like a mis-shod shoe, should pinch:
“Look in the mirror, see a Grinch!”

As a child, Betsy Dorminey was forcibly sedated countless times by Dr. Seuss’s Sleep Book. She is an attorney in Georgia and an entrepreneur in Vermont. Her columns have appeared in the the Vermont Digger, The American Spectator, Western Journal, Townhall, and the Hill. She is the Vermont State director of The Capitalist League.