One of my favorite charities is Doctors Without Borders. It’s the only charity it never bothers me to be accosted by at the local grocery store. Is there anything more noble then risking your life to save another’s? Doctors traveling the globe helping those who can’t yet help themselves — I can’t fathom why they are not celebrated more. If you were dying in a tent in Malaysia would you rather see someone from Greenpeace, or a doctor operating without borders, and truthfully, do you ever want to see someone from Greenpeace? But it also gave me an idea for a new program that I would love for Mr. Trump to initiate for all of those cloaking themselves in the mantle of kindness and nobility. Let’s call it Trump Protesters Without Borders. His plane is already fueled and ready for them.
So here is the Protester Guide for the upcoming best and hottest protest spots, both abroad and even domestically. You will not only be able to make your point but you might even put yourself in real danger, showing real commitment to your belief. Come on, protesters, it’s time to take your fight to the next level, and I beg of you to live stream, so we can watch you on your noble journeys. If you really want to stand with “Palestine” and think they are being oppressed, how about really doing something about it and hop aboard? Protest Air is now in business and you and your fellow protesters can spend six nights and seven amazing days at the lovely Gaza Inn. There you will be greeted by “freedom fighters” who will treat you with nothing but love and kindness, and a few questions. Just make sure you bring your backpack, that’s a requirement for all protesters in the Gaza region. You will have your choice of protest sites like hospitals and schools and, if you are really brave, ambulances or buses. Make sure you ask them about their number one tourist site, underground city building.
A great hot spot for the protest feminist in all of us is Iran. There you will be greeted by Omar and Omar of the Muslim Brotherhood, a very open-minded bunch, and they would love to hear all your ideas. Share with them your personal stories of how you have been oppressed in America: how guys never return your calls, how you hate being complimented because it’s so sexist, how you are underpaid and how under-appreciated as women in America. Tell Omar and Omar that you are here to fight for the Iranian women because you feel their plight. Ask where you can find the best protest sites, and of course be sure to tell them Mr. Trump sent you. This will of course insure you get the maximum protest visibility.
Our last foreign destination was specifically picked for the cop hater, excuse me protester, in all of you. This was a hard one but we settled on Pakistan. It’s in the region and we are trying to save on gas. They were rated number 10, as worst police forces in the world. They missed being number 9 by ten kidnappings. They are famous for their bribery practices, so make sure you bring a few extra shekels. Head’s up, the Pakistani living situations aren’t that great — you will be sharing a “room” with about 1,000 other police protesters. You can share how you once got arrested in America for protesting and had to spend the whole night in jail, and that they only had one toilet for three of you. You can tell them how the police checked in on you constantly and even brought you food. I’m sure these fellow “protesters” will truly sympathize with you and I can almost guarantee you will become life-long friends.
As we head back to America a little light on protesters — since so many “decided” to stay on at their protest destinations — we head to a weekend of fun and sun in lovely Chicago. This is for all the Black Lives Matter protesters. Here you will be staying at one of the many hotspots in the Chicago area. You will rest in the day time and protest between the hours of 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. For your maximum protester experience, Trump Protesters Without Borders tours has worked out an agreement with the police that all protesters will be allowed to protest and that their right to protest will not be infringed in any way. The police have agreed to stand down and offer no assistance whatsoever.
We are happy to announce here, at Trump Protesters Without Borders, the success of our last tour. We started out with 300 protesters and as we’ve seen most have decided to stay behind at their chosen regions of protest. Moreover, all four protesters who remain have chosen to stay on the Trump plane in protest. Be sure to stay tuned for more upcoming protest tour announcements. We are working on tours of Nigeria, Mexico, and Russia, and we’ll have a special protest tour for PETA at the upcoming BET awards. So get that fake blood ready.